SHOULD I STILL GIVE HER A BRIDESMAID GIFT?

Re: SHOULD I STILL GIVE HER A BRIDESMAID GIFT?

• KeptInStitches member

  

  October 2013

  Seems to me like the new date just didn't work for her. I'd give her the gift anyway, but I'd be lying if I said my teeth wouldn't be clenched because she's expecting the gift. She has gone above and beyond the call of duty by helping organize and pay for your bridal shower.

  

  Report2 Reply
• ei34 member

  

  October 2013

  I wouldn't have asked her to re-join after the first time she quit.  That being said, it was very nice of her to help organize and pay for your shower.  I would definitely still give her a gift.

  Report1 Reply
• mrsbizzz member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  First, please be aware that gifts are not required for a bridal shower (or any wedding-related event for that matter) and please remember that she helped organize and pay for the shower, which is a big gift in andof itself. 

  I would proably ultimately give her something but as a thank you for helping to organize the shower, not for being a bridesmaid. 

  ETA: grammar

  Report0 Reply
• itzMS member

  

  October 2013

  Sbadesina said:

  I have a dilemma about whether to give a friend who has quit my wedding for a 3rd time a bridesmaid gift or not. Let me say we are pretty close friends and I knew she was a cheapskate with questionable etiquette when I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She did not attend my bridal shower (or give me a bridal shower gift), but she did help organize and pay for my bridal shower. She has also paid for her dresses and shoes.

  I had to reschedule my wedding, and even though she knew what date I was rescheduling for, she didn’t mention that the new date wouldn’t work for her schedule until after I had re-booked everything.  In total, she has quit my wedding party 3 times. When she quit this 3rd time, I didn’t get upset or anything. I said I understood and left the situation alone. I recently mailed her the tailored dresses she had paid for.  She then called me and asked if she would still receive a bridesmaid gift from me. She basically requested that I give her the same gifts I am giving my current bridesmaids, even though she currently is no longer a bridesmaid.

  My question: Should I still give her the same gifts I am giving current bridesmaids, even though she has quit the wedding?

  Why did she pay for multiple dresses?!?
  
  I would absolutely send her a thank you note and small gift or gift card for the shower.
  
  
  
  

  Report2 Reply
• OliveOilsMom member

  

  October 2013

  If you want to continue being friends with this girl after the wedding, then just send her the gift.  If you haven't bought the gifts yet.  I would just give her a small thank you gift for helping out with the shower and that's it.  Its kinda ballsy of her to ask for her BM gift.  Do you think she purposely withheld the date issue from you when re-scheduling the wedding?

  

  Report0 Reply
• mlg78 member

  

  October 2013

  Like others have said, you're to send a gift and thank those who planned your shower.  Time has passed, obviously, so I hope you've already done it though it doesn't sound like it.  As far as your bridal party gifts, no, do not give her one.

  Report0 Reply
• Dreamergirl8812 member

  

  October 2013

  This is strange. I feel like there's a lot you're not telling us.
  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  
  

  Report4 Reply
• Rebl90 member

  

  October 2013

  Sbadesina said:

  I have a dilemma about whether to give a friend who has quit my wedding for a 3rd time a bridesmaid gift or not. Let me say we are pretty close friends and I knew she was a cheapskate with questionable etiquette when I asked her to be a bridesmaid.  You are comfortable calling a close friend a cheapskate with questionable ettiquete? I personally think that speaks volumes about your relationship. She did not attend my bridal shower (or give me a bridal shower gift), why is it necessary to point this out? but she did help organize and pay for my bridal shower. She has also paid for her dresses and shoes.

  I had to reschedule my wedding, and even though she knew what date I was rescheduling for, she didn’t mention that the new date wouldn’t work for her schedule until after I had re-booked everything.  In total, she has quit my wedding party 3 times. When she quit this 3rd time, I didn’t get upset or anything. I said I understood and left the situation alone. Good! If this is true than you were the bigger person. I recently mailed her the tailored dresses she had paid for.  She then called me and asked if she would still receive a bridesmaid gift from me. She basically requested that I give her the same gifts I am giving my current bridesmaids, even though she currently is no longer a bridesmaid.

  My question: Should I still give her the same gifts I am giving current bridesmaids, even though she has quit the wedding?

  If she's not in the wedding and you are not planning on continuing the friendship, then don't send a gift. If she did ask for it, then that was rude on her part.  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• kitty8403 member

  

  October 2013

  She bought multiple dresses for you, rejoined your bridal party after the first round(s) of drama, contributed to your shower and you're debating whether she deserves a thank you?
  Yes. She shouldn't have asked directly, but you do owe her some kind of acknowledgement.

  Report0 Reply
• MyNameIsNot member

  

  October 2013

  kitty8403 said:

  She bought multiple dresses for you, rejoined your bridal party after the first round(s) of drama, contributed to your shower and you're debating whether she deserves a thank you? Yes. She shouldn't have asked directly, but you do owe her some kind of acknowledgement.

  This.

  
  

  It was rude of her to ask, but she did more than enough toward being a BM.  It sucks that you moved your date and she can't make it, but you should still give her the gift.  

  Report0 Reply
• katieg520 member

  

  October 2013

  I'd give her a gift if I had already purchased one. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't. I would send her a thank you note for her contribution to the shower. However, I find it strange that she has quit three times.
  

  Report0 Reply
• tellyy1122 member

  

  October 2013

  Dreamergirl8812 said:

  This is strange. I feel like there's a lot you're not telling us.
  

  i agree

  Report0 Reply
• Viczaesar member

  

  October 2013

  I want to hear the rest of the story.
  

  
  
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Jame1987 member

  

  October 2013

  Hmmm makes me think should I ask for a BM gift after I bought a dress, hosted a bachelorette party, and then got kicked out of a wedding. It was over a year ago still ok for me to request that M gift lol....

  Ok in all seriousness, Could she have just been asking to know if she should be watching the mail? I would get her something small and send her a thank you for what she had contributed however I would not go as far as getting her the same thing as the bridesmaids, especailly if it is wedding related.

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2013

  I'd give her the gift for her contributions thus far.  But I think from now on I would not expect her to have anything to do with your wedding.
  

  Report0 Reply
• CommitmentCat member

  

  October 2013

  Why did she quit the first two times? I don't think it was necessary for her to give you a gift for your bridal shower considering she helped pay for it. If it was my bridal shower I would have considered that a gift in itself. It is understandable that she has had to pull out because she is unable to make the new wedding date, again though, why did she quit the first two times???
  
  I think it was rude of her to request a gift. In any situation, asking for a gift is just flat out rude. But I do feel like she should get some sort of thank you because by the sounds of it she has spent quite a bit of money and effort on your wedding. (bridal shower planning, dresses, shoes etc).
  

  Report0 Reply
• cowgirl8238 member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  Sbadesina said:

  I have a dilemma about whether to give a friend who has quit my wedding for a 3rd time a bridesmaid gift or not. Let me say we are pretty close friends and I knew she was a cheapskate with questionable etiquette when I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She did not attend my bridal shower (or give me a bridal shower gift), but she did help organize and pay for my bridal shower. She has also paid for her dresses and shoes.

  I had to reschedule my wedding, and even though she knew what date I was rescheduling for, she didn’t mention that the new date wouldn’t work for her schedule until after I had re-booked everything.  In total, she has quit my wedding party 3 times. When she quit this 3rd time, I didn’t get upset or anything. I said I understood and left the situation alone. I recently mailed her the tailored dresses she had paid for.  She then called me and asked if she would still receive a bridesmaid gift from me. She basically requested that I give her the same gifts I am giving my current bridesmaids, even though she currently is no longer a bridesmaid.

  My question: Should I still give her the same gifts I am giving current bridesmaids, even though she has quit the wedding?

  
  I feel like there is more to this story than is posted.  First let me start by saying that I would NEVER call one of my friends a cheapskate...that is just rude!  I have friends that may not have a lot of money or may not like spending moeny but Cheapskate?!?! Thats just mean.

  Second any member of the BP is only required to show up on the day of the wedding, on time, in the appriopiate attire, and sober.  She never "had to" go to any of your pre-wedding parties.  Those are not required of your BP and it was extremly kind of her to help pay for your party.  For this reason I think you should get her a card and some gift as a thank you for her involvement in your shower.

  Third, if she quit the WP in the past what were the reasons?  If my friend quit my WP I would tell her that I'm sad to see her leave but leave it at that.  The fact that she bought a dress yet still backed out makes me feel like there is something terribly wrong your friendship! Is there a chance you are expecting to much from her and that is why she witheld the conflict in the date until after the fact?  Like it was her way of getting out your wedding while reserving the blame for someone/something else?

  Finally, she should not have asked you about a gift.  That is rude on her part.  But from what I feel there is a lot that went on between you two that you are not sharing.  I think your friendship is either over, or in serious jeopardy of ending.  Maybe your friend has a lot going on her personal life that she isn't/can't talk to you about.

  As stated earlier I think you should get her a gift for her role in the shower, and then take the time to have a serious Non-wedding related talk with her about what is going on.  Unless you don't want to be friends anymore.

  Edit-Cause I can spell

  Report1 Reply
• emilie250 member

  

  November 2013

  
  

  Sbadesina said:

  I feel like there is more to this story than is posted.  First let me start by saying that I would NEVER call one of my friends a cheapskate...that is just rude!  I have friends that may not have a lot of money or may not like spending moeny but Cheapskate?!?! Thats just mean.

  Second any member of the BP is only required to show up on the day of the wedding, on time, in the appriopiate attire, and sober.  She never "had to" go to any of your pre-wedding parties.  Those are not required of your BP and it was extremly kind of her to help pay for your party.  For this reason I think you should get her a card and some gift as a thank you for her involvement in your shower.

  Third, if she quit the WP in the past what were the reasons?  If my friend quit my WP I would tell her that I'm sad to see her leave but leave it at that.  The fact that she bought a dress yet still backed out makes me feel like there is something terribly wrong your friendship! Is there a chance you are expecting to much from her and that is why she witheld the conflict in the date until after the fact?  Like it was her way of getting out your wedding while reserving the blame for someone/something else?

  Finally, she should not have asked you about a gift.  That is rude on her part.  But from what I feel there is a lot that went on between you two that you are not sharing.  I think your friendship is either over, or in serious jeopardy of ending.  Maybe your friend has a lot going on her personal life that she isn't/can't talk to you about.

  As stated earlier I think you should get her a gift for her role in the shower, and then take the time to have a serious Non-wedding related talk with her about what is going on.  Unless you don't want to be friends anymore.

  Edit-Cause I can spell

  I agree with all of this.

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2013

  I'm puzzled too.  She quit three times but you let her come back in.  And she did help pay for the pre-wedding parties even if she didn't attend.  I'm wondering if there's more to this story than has been posted thus far.
  
  I do agree that it was not appropriate of her to request the same gift as the other bridesmaids, especially once she chose not to be one of them.  I'd give her something along the lines of a hostess gift by way of thanking her for her shower contributions, but I would let it go at that.  If she wants to come back in or makes any further wedding-related requests later on, I think at this point I'd tell her the boat has sailed.
  
  
  

  Report0 Reply