I want a wedding party and my fiancee doesn't?

Re: I want a wedding party and my fiancee doesn't?

• Liatris2010 mod

  

  October 2013

  alyshell0427 said:

  I already have a maid of honor picked out and 2 bridesmaids. My fiancee did too, but they kind of had a falling out and now she doesn't want anyone standing next to her. She told me that she never did like the idea of it. I never knew she didn't like the idea of it, my bridal party already know they are going to be in the wedding and I don't want to tell them that i've changed my mind. I want bridesmaids. Is it possible for me to have people standing next to me and then no one standing next to her? 

  Yep!
  

  

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• photokitty mod

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  My sister and her wife had a similar problem. In the end her sister ended up standing next to her, but half of my sister's WP stood on her wife's side. We have a large family and my sister wanted all her sibs in the WP. I think if FI is ok with it, you can have people standing with you and none with her. It would be totally fine.

  You should talk to you FI and decide what will be best. It is incredibly rude to ask the ladies you already invited to step down. You've got a dilemma there and unfortunately someone's feeling might get hurt. GL!

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• lauralee1723 member

  

  October 2013

  I would think there would be no problem as long as your FI doesn't have a problem with it, that should be fine!

  

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  October 2013

  It's fine. Though I probably wouldn't like it for myself if I was your fiance. Could your bridal party sit in the front row if your fiance preferred it? 

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  October 2013

  That is a really tough situation.  As someone else has mentioned and I gather you already know asking your bridal party to long stand with you may come off as rude and hurt their feelings.  I would talk to your FI about this before anything else and see how she feels about the WP.  There is no reason that you cannot have three people while she as none but this may make her feel more upset.  I would also suggest you give this a little time, as her hurt feelings may make blind her true feelings on the subject.

  If she doesn't mind the uneven sides then you are golden (and that really is the best you can hope for short of her and her friends making up).  Another option to ask your maids and your FI if one of them could represent her instead of you at the ceremony.  Third you could explain the situation to your BM's and ask them if thye could be seated in the front row for the ceremony.  If you have programs I would still make a point to call them as yur BM's, they can still walk in the processionals they will just be seated during the ceremony itself.

  Just my two cents.  I hope eveything works out for you and FI, and I hope she doesn't feel pressured to "replace" her side of the WP that would be the worst.

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• MandyMost member

  

  October 2013

  I think you both need to figure out what EXACTLY it is that you want. Try the best you can to ignore all preconceived notions and what your'e "supposed to" have. Do you literally want someone standing there next to you when you give your vows? Or do you really just want to honor your closest supportive friends by including them as your wedding party? 

  
  

  At first, I was pretty adamant that I didn't want a wedding party. But after more thought, what I didn't want was to choose some people at the expense of others, and/or have to choose females over males, and have people in matching outfits, and have people walk down the aisle and stand there. What I DO want is to have my nearest and dearest with me the day of the wedding, and to participate in other pre-wedding things with me. To have them know that I really value them. To take some pictures with me. The wedding isn't for a year yet, but what I'm planning is to suggest these girls where a (rather wide) color palatte, and to spend the day with me before, and get ready with me that day. The men, who have been in my life forever, won't particularly want to participate in some of these activities, but they'll be able to stop by and see me before the ceremony. I plan to reserve seats in the front for all of these people. I think I'll likely get them a boutonniere or whatever, to somewhat identify them as being "special". 

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• artbyallie mod

  

  October 2013

  MandyMost said:

  I think you both need to figure out what EXACTLY it is that you want. Try the best you can to ignore all preconceived notions and what your'e "supposed to" have. Do you literally want someone standing there next to you when you give your vows? Or do you really just want to honor your closest supportive friends by including them as your wedding party? 

  
  

  At first, I was pretty adamant that I didn't want a wedding party. But after more thought, what I didn't want was to choose some people at the expense of others, and/or have to choose females over males, and have people in matching outfits, and have people walk down the aisle and stand there. What I DO want is to have my nearest and dearest with me the day of the wedding, and to participate in other pre-wedding things with me. To have them know that I really value them. To take some pictures with me. The wedding isn't for a year yet, but what I'm planning is to suggest these girls where a (rather wide) color palatte, and to spend the day with me before, and get ready with me that day. The men, who have been in my life forever, won't particularly want to participate in some of these activities, but they'll be able to stop by and see me before the ceremony. I plan to reserve seats in the front for all of these people. I think I'll likely get them a boutonniere or whatever, to somewhat identify them as being "special". 

  Please don't ask people to wear a specific color or colors if they are not actually in the wedding. It's fine to give them boutonnieres. It's not fine to expect/ask them to do things or throw parties even if they are in the wedding.

  

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• JessicaJupiter member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  I hope you realize this could be very emotional for your FI to be dealing with, she may feel as if you are going to embarrass her because she has no one and you have friends to support you.

  
  

  Does she know the people you have selected for the wedding party? Would it be possible to find another friend or relative who could stand in so you could just split the 4 people between the two of you? She may feel more comfortable if your selected party stood beside her as well.

  
  

  This is actually an issue with me and my FI right now. He has a best man and 3 groomsmen selected and I just had a falling out with the only person I had even wanted involved (best friend since high school was supposed to be my maid of honour) . So now I feel very embarrassed and jealous that he has these people at his disposal and I don't have a single person to stand beside me. 

  
  

  PS. I know this is your wedding and you want your bridesmaids but just remember that this is her wedding too!

  

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  October 2013

  JessicaJupiter said:

  I hope you realize this could be very emotional for your FI to be dealing with, she may feel as if you are going to embarrass her because she has no one and you have friends to support you.

  
  

  Does she know the people you have selected for the wedding party? Would it be possible to find another friend or relative who could stand in so you could just split the 4 people between the two of you? She may feel more comfortable if your selected party stood beside her as well.

  
  

  This is actually an issue with me and my FI right now. He has a best man and 3 groomsmen selected and I just had a falling out with the only person I had even wanted involved (best friend since high school was supposed to be my maid of honour) . So now I feel very embarrassed and jealous that he has these people at his disposal and I don't have a single person to stand beside me. 

  
  

  PS. I know this is your wedding and you want your bridesmaids but just remember that this is her wedding too!

  
  So sorry to hear that.  Are you close with your mom or grandma, maybe they could stand with you? This goes to OP's FI as well...maybe a family member could stand there if your FI is afraid/embarassed/doesn't want to be standing alone.

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• daveANDkristen member

  

  October 2013

  @alyshell0427 @jessicajupiter

  How about you/your FI keep the attendants that you have - they can process in and sit in the front row.  If you have programs, they can be listed:

  Honor Attendants:

  John Jones
  Steve Smith
  Harry Henderson

  And I'm sure you can find some posing ideas online for photos that don't look like the standard Bride's side-Groom's side.

  
  

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• manyetteba18 member

  

  October 2013

  She already knows how I feel about having a WP standing next to me. My maid of honor is my best friend I have known for the past 8 or so years. One of my bridesmaids (bridesdude as I like to call him) is someone who I am very close to and i've known for over a year, and my other bridesmaid is a girl I met at work, recently, actually, but she's amazing. She gets so excited when I update her on our wedding planning. This past weekend, I brought up the fact that my bridedude can stand next to her and my dog, who we are most likely going to have as a ringbearer. She was ok with the idea but we didn't talk too much into it yet. And the WP sitting in the front row is also a good idea, I will definately bring it up with her. 

  
  

  Thanks you guys for the advice I will definately keep ya'll updated. 

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• MandyMost member

  

  October 2013

  artbyallie said:

  MandyMost said:

  I think you both need to figure out what EXACTLY it is that you want. Try the best you can to ignore all preconceived notions and what your'e "supposed to" have. Do you literally want someone standing there next to you when you give your vows? Or do you really just want to honor your closest supportive friends by including them as your wedding party? 

  
  

  At first, I was pretty adamant that I didn't want a wedding party. But after more thought, what I didn't want was to choose some people at the expense of others, and/or have to choose females over males, and have people in matching outfits, and have people walk down the aisle and stand there. What I DO want is to have my nearest and dearest with me the day of the wedding, and to participate in other pre-wedding things with me. To have them know that I really value them. To take some pictures with me. The wedding isn't for a year yet, but what I'm planning is to suggest these girls where a (rather wide) color palatte, and to spend the day with me before, and get ready with me that day. The men, who have been in my life forever, won't particularly want to participate in some of these activities, but they'll be able to stop by and see me before the ceremony. I plan to reserve seats in the front for all of these people. I think I'll likely get them a boutonniere or whatever, to somewhat identify them as being "special". 

  Please don't ask people to wear a specific color or colors if they are not actually in the wedding. It's fine to give them boutonnieres. It's not fine to expect/ask them to do things or throw parties even if they are in the wedding.

  
  

  OK, fine, I'll officially ask them to be the wedding party, but let them know that instead of buying bridesmaids dresses I'd rather if they picked their own dress and just stuck to a (pretty wide) color palette. And that they won't be walking down the aisle, or standing at the front; instead they'll have reserved seats in the front rows with their SOs. And they won't be sitting at a head table, or anything like that either. 

  People seem to get caught up over the idea that you can tell bridesmaids EXACTLY what to wear, and it's fine. But since I really don't want my bridemaids to be walking down the aisle or standing at the front or wearing matching dresses, I figured I wouldn't call them "bridesmaids", and this has caused all kinds of controversy. I guess I'll just start saying I do have a wedding party, and that they just won't be wearing matching dresses, walking down the aisle, or standing at the front. That seems easier for people to understand. 

  
  

  And I never said I'd ask/expect them to throw parties. I WILL ask them (not demand of them) to spend some time with me at things I"m planning pre-wedding, such as getting my nails done, maybe going out to lunch, and to come to the rehearsal dinner. Things the bridal party is typically invited to. 

  
  

  
  

  I guess my point is that the terms "bridesmaid" and "wedding party" have certain traditions and connotations attached to them. If someone does or doesn't want "bridesmaids" or a "wedding party", then it's important to figure out WHAT exactly they do or do not want. 

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