Timeline for thank you notes after wedding?

CallaLily25 · October 2013

How long is it appropriate to send thank you notes after your wedding?

I ask because we attended a wedding in the beginning of August and have yet to receive a thank you note. I know they got our gift (check was cashed), and we drove over 12 hours to attend. I don't know if I should be annoyed or if they are still within an appropriate time frame to send them.

grumbledore · October 2013

Technically I think they are within the window still, but frankly I don't think it's reasonable to take more than a few weeks to send out thank you notes unless there were 400 people at your wedding. I think 3 months is the outer limit, future posters can correct if I am wrong.

I'd already be annoyed if I were you, but my thank you note faux pas tolerance is extremely low.

RebeccaB88 · October 2013

I think others will have different answers, but I start to side eye it after about 3 months after the event. The correct answer is ASAP, but I get that there's the honeymoon, possibly moving, and getting back to your regular schedules that all have to be dealt with. But, I think 3 months is plenty. If you have 200 gifts and you write 10 thank you notes a day, you're done in 3 weeks. 20 a day, and you're done in 10 days. Just sit down in front of the tv for an hour an evening and it'll be done.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

I think you are well within your rights to be annoyed. Etiquette says two months; I side-eye anything after four weeks. I'm annoyed at a friend of mine whose wedding was five weeks before mine who doesn't have TYs out yet.

I wrote 38 TYs in the three days after our wedding. I wrote at least 25 leading up to the wedding. You just sit down, crank them out, and freaking do it. People took time to give you a present, you take time to thank them.

Also, I refused to let DH cash the checks until the notes were mailed. To me, that's just rude.

CallaLily25 · October 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I think you are well within your rights to be annoyed. Etiquette says two months; I side-eye anything after four weeks. I'm annoyed at a friend of mine whose wedding was five weeks before mine who doesn't have TYs out yet. I wrote 38 TYs in the three days after our wedding. I wrote at least 25 leading up to the wedding. You just sit down, crank them out, and freaking do it. People took time to give you a present, you take time to thank them. Also, I refused to let DH cash the checks until the notes were mailed. To me, that's just rude.

This is a great idea!

KeptInStitches · October 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I think you are well within your rights to be annoyed. Etiquette says two months; I side-eye anything after four weeks. I'm annoyed at a friend of mine whose wedding was five weeks before mine who doesn't have TYs out yet. I wrote 38 TYs in the three days after our wedding. I wrote at least 25 leading up to the wedding. You just sit down, crank them out, and freaking do it. People took time to give you a present, you take time to thank them. Also, I refused to let DH cash the checks until the notes were mailed. To me, that's just rude.

I disagree. I think it's ruder to not cash the checks because that leaves people with outstanding checks and makes it take longer for them to reconcile their statements. This assumes that the notes are going out in a matter of days - upwards of a week or two is too long to sit on checks, IMO.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Our wedding was Sunday, the banks were closed Monday for Columbus Day, our notes went out Thursday, the checks were deposited Friday. I hardly think that's enough time to have screwed up anyone's bookkeeping. Also, because I wasn't going to let him deposit the cheeks until I'd written the TYs, AND because I didn't want to screw up anyone's check register, it was impetus to get the notes done quickly.

Yes, if you're going to sit on the notes for several weeks, you should cash the checks so as not to have people with outstanding checks and hae them wondering if you got it at all. But if you do it all within a few days, you're fine.

KeptInStitches · October 2013

Good enough, I'm just obsessive with personal accounting. Probably should work on that.

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Our wedding was Sunday, the banks were closed Monday for Columbus Day, our notes went out Thursday, the checks were deposited Friday. I hardly think that's enough time to have screwed up anyone's bookkeeping. Also, because I wasn't going to let him deposit the cheeks until I'd written the TYs, AND because I didn't want to screw up anyone's check register, it was impetus to get the notes done quickly. Yes, if you're going to sit on the notes for several weeks, you should cash the checks so as not to have people with outstanding checks and hae them wondering if you got it at all. But if you do it all within a few days, you're fine.

You are definitely the exception not the rule. For most people it takes them a month or so to get thank you notes out, so i'd prefer they cash my check first.

misssunshine17 · October 2013

I side eye anything more than two months. Like you literally didn't watch two hours of tv in two months?

photokitty · October 2013

KeptInStitches said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I think you are well within your rights to be annoyed. Etiquette says two months; I side-eye anything after four weeks. I'm annoyed at a friend of mine whose wedding was five weeks before mine who doesn't have TYs out yet.

I wrote 38 TYs in the three days after our wedding. I wrote at least 25 leading up to the wedding. You just sit down, crank them out, and freaking do it. People took time to give you a present, you take time to thank them.

Also, I refused to let DH cash the checks until the notes were mailed. To me, that's just rude.

I disagree. I think it's ruder to not cash the checks because that leaves people with outstanding checks and makes it take longer for them to reconcile their statements. This assumes that the notes are going out in a matter of days - upwards of a week or two is too long to sit on checks, IMO.

I won't cash a check before i send the thank you note either. But I write all the check thank yous in the first 2 or 3 days.

most people can't cash the checks before leaving for the honeymoon, so it typically takes a week to get them cashed. I had to go in to the branch with my marriage certificate, i couldn't use the atm to deposit them bc of all the different version of our names people wrote on them.

cmclaire · October 2013

Less than one month - excellent, less than two months - good, up to three months - acceptable is kind of how it goes in my circle. One couple took fourteen months!

s-aries8990 · October 2013

Could they have lost them in the mail? My mom got a TY note for a wedding we both attended last fall, but I didn't. I just stewed quietly until I learned in December that about half of the TY notes got lost in the mail!

If this was from August, I'd be P.O.'d

MuppetOverlord · October 2013

Mine are already done and ready to go (Wedding was Oct 6th). I had planned to do them on our honeymoon but didn't have time so did them the few days after I got back on the 17th and 18th. At this point, we decided to wait a week to send them out with a photo since the photographer is almost ready.

I've been to 4 weddings this year and I haven't received one thank you note. I went to one last year, no thank you note. One wedding, I invested over 20 hours working on gumpaste toppers for the couple's cupcakes and for the other one, well I made a bunch of their food, cleaned up their wedding, set up their tables, set up the food, cut and served their cake.. had a little party for them... and not thanked or acknowledged for any of it.

Timeline for thank you notes after wedding?

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