Plus 1 and seating charts?

Sembree1 · October 2013

We will not be sending out our invites until after the holidays but I have a question.

We are extending a +1 to all guests, (we are specifically addressing SO that we know about). We are also having RSVP cards and I plan on making up our seating chart and using name cards.

How do I go about this if a single person RSVP's for 2? (which as I stated above is invited) I do not particularly want to word a seat placement card as "john" and "Johns Guest". How do I go about this?

Thanks!

JoanE2012 · October 2013

If they RSVP with a guest, contact them and ask them for their guest's name.

manateehugger · October 2013

Yup, just call/email/text whatever and ask who they are bringing.

Sembree1 · October 2013

OK,that was what I was planning, but I wasn't sure if that was OK or not.

Pt 2 question then as a followup. I know there will be some who will not "choose" their plus one until very close to the wedding even though they RSVP'd for the other person. Not an issue for me, as I don't care who they bring, their plus one should be someone who they will enjoy their evening with. Is it OK to ask them to contact me with a name when they work out arrangements?

manateehugger · October 2013

I think that's totally fine as long as you aren't hounding them for a name 2 months out.

Just explain that you'd like to write out an actual escort card for their guest so the cards don't have to read "John and Guest."

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

People should know who their guest is when they send the reply card back, and should write their guest's name along with their own.

manateehugger · October 2013

laurynm84 said: People should know who their guest is when they send the reply card back, and should write their guest's name along with their own.

People should, but they often don't. I've been a random last minute plus one a number of times.

CLI242009 · October 2013

PDKH said:

laurynm84 said:

People should know who their guest is when they send the reply card back, and should write their guest's name along with their own.

People should, but they often don't. I've been a random last minute plus one a number of times.

I agree with PDKH. They should but some just don't think they need to for some odd reason. I have had a couple of friends get married & they have had RSVPs returned with no names on them, invite sent for 2 but it's crossed out for 1 but nowhere on the RSVP does it say who out of the 2 are coming. Some people just don't think about this stuff :-/

>.> stupid thing didn't quote correctly. Sorry!

AroundTheBlock · October 2013

The proper way to do this is to contact each of your single guests now, before you send out invitations, and ask if there is anyone they would like you to invite. Then you send that person an invitation in his or her own name, to his or her own address. The intent is to treat all your guests equally, rather than treating some of them as accessories of your "real" guests, and also to ensure that you know at least a little about each of your guests and can vouch for them. It gives you the option, for example, of declining to invite your best-friend's abusive ex who has just recently been making a play for a more casual invited guest and might otherwise be brought as an awkward surprise. You lose control of your guest-list and neglect your responsibilities as a hostess, any time you put "and guest" on an invitation.

And, of course, if you invite every guest by name, then you easily have their names available for place cards.

manateehugger · October 2013

AroundTheBlock said:

The proper way to do this is to contact each of your single guests now, before you send out invitations, and ask if there is anyone they would like you to invite. Then you send that person an invitation in his or her own name, to his or her own address. The intent is to treat all your guests equally, rather than treating some of them as accessories of your "real" guests, and also to ensure that you know at least a little about each of your guests and can vouch for them. It gives you the option, for example, of declining to invite your best-friend's abusive ex who has just recently been making a play for a more casual invited guest and might otherwise be brought as an awkward surprise. You lose control of your guest-list and neglect your responsibilities as a hostess, any time you put "and guest" on an invitation.

And, of course, if you invite every guest by name, then you easily have their names available for place cards.

Uh, no you don't. If you're treating them like a social unit, you would at least invite them together. Also, you're going to make a single person decide on a date more than 2 months before the wedding? No, I think that's rude and pushy.

Don't invite random people to your wedding by a separate invitation. That's so odd.

And you don't have to know or "vouch" for all of your guests - that's ridiculous. Don't extend plus ones if you're going to throw a fit about who shows up.

CLI242009 · October 2013

PDKH said:

AroundTheBlock said:

The proper way to do this is to contact each of your single guests now, before you send out invitations, and ask if there is anyone they would like you to invite. Then you send that person an invitation in his or her own name, to his or her own address. The intent is to treat all your guests equally, rather than treating some of them as accessories of your "real" guests, and also to ensure that you know at least a little about each of your guests and can vouch for them. It gives you the option, for example, of declining to invite your best-friend's abusive ex who has just recently been making a play for a more casual invited guest and might otherwise be brought as an awkward surprise. You lose control of your guest-list and neglect your responsibilities as a hostess, any time you put "and guest" on an invitation.

And, of course, if you invite every guest by name, then you easily have their names available for place cards.

Uh, no you don't. If you're treating them like a social unit, you would at least invite them together. Also, you're going to make a single person decide on a date more than 2 months before the wedding? No, I think that's rude and pushy.

Don't invite random people to your wedding by a separate invitation. That's so odd.

And you don't have to know or "vouch" for all of your guests - that's ridiculous. Don't extend plus ones if you're going to throw a fit about who shows up.

I am still learning about etiquette so I'm not going to say what is and isn't right because I myself am still learning from you lovely ladies but I do agree with this. I have had a couple of guests (one being a GM) who were in relationships let me know that they are no longer in a relationship. Statuses change & asking to get a date 2 months in advance is just...well weird and rude.

If I've read correctly on here, please excuse me if I'm wrong, it's up to the B&G to decide if you want to extend the +1 for your single guests. Any guests with a SO (no matter how long they've dated) are to be invited together. So if you want single friends not to have a +1 it's up to the b & g but most likely if you're traveling far those single guests might not end up coming.

Also with single guests, I checked with family and friends, in passing conversations over the year, made sure that single guests were still single. I've kept up with the same single friends & yes statuses have changed. So now their SOs are invited too.

ktjanesmom · October 2013

My sons fiance insists that absolutely everyone gets a plus one regardless of their relationship status with I disagree with 100 % but she didnt ask me. This means the guest list is full and I cannot invite my extended family. So there could be several random people there that no one knows aside from their date and my cousins will not be there. She told me to go ahead and invite them and I could but it would completely out of spite because truly I dont care whether or not they are invited. I guess its just the principle of the thing.

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

ktjanesmom said:

My sons fiance insists that absolutely everyone gets a plus one regardless of their relationship status with I disagree with 100 % but she didnt ask me. This means the guest list is full and I cannot invite my extended family. So there could be several random people there that no one knows aside from their date and my cousins will not be there. She told me to go ahead and invite them and I could but it would completely out of spite because truly I dont care whether or not they are invited. I guess its just the principle of the thing.

If you don't care if your cousins are invited or not, then what is the problem. And if the guest list is full, how can you invite them. Your FDIL wants to make sure ALL of her guests are happy and if that means inviting a guest, so be it. Are you paying for the wedding?

ETA: Also, it's smart to include plus ones for every single guest in the beginning of planning, because what if they get a SO?

manateehugger · October 2013

ktjanesmom said:

My sons fiance insists that absolutely everyone gets a plus one regardless of their relationship status with I disagree with 100 % but she didnt ask me. This means the guest list is full and I cannot invite my extended family. So there could be several random people there that no one knows aside from their date and my cousins will not be there. She told me to go ahead and invite them and I could but it would completely out of spite because truly I dont care whether or not they are invited. I guess its just the principle of the thing.

Well - it's not your wedding, so it's up to your son and his future wife to invite their guests (unless you're paying for it). If she told you to invite them, but you don't care to invite them, why are you so upset about it? I don't understand you at all here.

JoanE2012 · October 2013

AroundTheBlock said:

The proper way to do this is to contact each of your single guests now, before you send out invitations, and ask if there is anyone they would like you to invite. Then you send that person an invitation in his or her own name, to his or her own address. The intent is to treat all your guests equally, rather than treating some of them as accessories of your "real" guests, and also to ensure that you know at least a little about each of your guests and can vouch for them. It gives you the option, for example, of declining to invite your best-friend's abusive ex who has just recently been making a play for a more casual invited guest and might otherwise be brought as an awkward surprise. You lose control of your guest-list and neglect your responsibilities as a hostess, any time you put "and guest" on an invitation.

And, of course, if you invite every guest by name, then you easily have their names available for place cards.

No you don't. A "guest" would not be invited if it weren't for the "real" family member or friend. They don't get an invitation.

Also, you don't get to screen the guests that come through and pick who is allowed to attend and who doesn't pass the test. If you're that worried, don't give single people the option of a +1.

Plus 1 and seating charts?

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