FFIL Scheduled for Brain Surgery - Etiquette Question

Re: FFIL Scheduled for Brain Surgery - Etiquette Question

• mysticl member

  

  October 2013

  What do your FI and his parents say?

  
  

  

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• nadine529 member

  

  October 2013

  My fiance was asking me if I thought we should postpone.  I haven't really had a chance to discuss with his parents.  (we only found out about the surgery today).  I'm concerned with etiquette too though.  Would we be responsible (I'm not sure if that's the right word) to reimburse everyone for the airfare they purchased? I guess if money were no option, I'd postpone everything, and reimburse everyone, but we are just barely able to pay for this wedding now.  I hate that the almighty dollar plays such a role in our lives!   

  
  

  
  

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• ktjanesmom member

  

  October 2013

  Im sorry I dont mean to sound insensitive  but what will his condition be in a month from now?  Will he be incapacitated for 3-6 months or just not 100 %? Perhaps he could attend the wedding and rest at home during the reception with a neighbor or friend while grooms mom attends for a short time.  I know your first thought is for his well being but lets be honest.  It would suck alot to lose lots of money.  Can airline tickets being changed?

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  October 2013

  They may want you to continue with your plan so you need to ask them. Do they have to travel for your wedding? Of course they don't know what his condition will be six weeks after surgery, but he may very well be able to make it. Just talk to them.

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• lauralee1723 member

  

  October 2013

  I'm so sorry you're having to go through something like this at this time in your life! I don't have any suggestions but I feel for you and I hope everything turns out ok!

  

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  October 2013

  I would talk to them and see how they feel about it.  There is always the option of using face time/skype to broadcast the wedding to them at home if they do want you to go through with it but cannot make it.  Hopefully everything will go well and they can attend.

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• nadine529 member

  

  October 2013

  Thank you, everyone for taking the time to read my situation.  I really appreciate it!!  We really have no idea what condition he will be in; if he survives the surgery. (and there is a chance he will not, as the tumor is in a very dangerous area of the brain)  Airfare for sure is not refundable, and though I know our friends and family would be sympathetic, I would hate to do that to them.  Our cruise is also paid for, and not refundable.  I will definitely have to talk to them soon.  Thank you, cowgirl8238 for the idea about Skype; I hadn't even thought of that!  Again, thank you all for listening!!

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• mysticl member

  

  October 2013

  They Skype idea is awesome.

  
  

  Airfare is not refundable but if you cancel a flight you can sometimes put the money towards another flight.  There are usually some fees associated with this but at least they wouldn't lose everything.  

  I don't know if you can do that with cruises.  

  
  

  This is a situation where I don't think anyone is going to consider you rude if you have a last minute change of plans.  

  

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• PhoneCardLady member

  

  October 2013

  As a person who has gone thru brain surgery, nothing is guaranteed.  If the tumor is in a 'dangerous area' as you say, recovery in the time you stated may not be realistic.  I was told I would be back to work 2-3 months after I had my tumor removed, and it was pressing on my brain stem.  I was lucky that I didn't have to have chemo or radiation but it left me disabled.  That was in 1990 and I am just now able to return to work, but part time.
  

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• princessleia22 member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  Definitely talk to his parents and find out what they want. Most likely they won't want to mess up your big day or have you change it. There is no way to know for sure what condition FFIL will be in or how he will recover.  Some people recover quickly, some take longer than anticipated.  Have them ask his doctor about it and whether doc thinks his chances are of being recovered enough to attend the wedding.  Even if he just comes to sit for the wedding ceremony and isn't able to attend the reception, is still better than nothing. Not being fully recovered doesn't necessarily mean that he can't attend part of it.  And I agree that the skype idea is a great one, if it comes to that. 

  I had major back surgery 3 months before my brother married my best friend and I was MOH.  Unfortunately, I got a serious infection and had another surgery right before their wedding. I got our of hospital 3 days before wedding, couldn't move the greatest, was doped up on pain meds, and had an IV in my arm still for IV meds every 4 hours. I missed out on some things (I wasn't able to help bride get ready because of my strict medication schedule), but I was there for most of my MOH duties, stood beside her and made it through most of the reception before I had to leave.   If it's important, and he's able to be there for at least the ceremony, which isn't that long, I'm sure they would want you to continue as planned.

   

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• KatWAG member

  

  October 2013

  I have nothing to add, other than I hope the surgery went smothly today.

  

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• clcountry member

  

  October 2013

  In the situation you describe, I would do whatever your fiancé and his parents ask. If I were a guest at this wedding, and the circumstances of the postponement were made clear to me, I cannot even imagine being angry with you for making that decision or thinking you owed me anything.

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• SP29 member

  

  October 2013

  Hope everything went well today with his surgery. 

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• lizandmark2014 member

  

  October 2013

  I hope everything went well.

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