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Bachelorette/Bridal Shower Question

casey8784casey8784 member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all, 

What's the etiquette on inviting friends/family that live long distance (driving 8+ hours or a plane flight difference) to a bridal shower or bachelorette party? Especially if they'll be flying out a few months later for the wedding? Invite them and possibly make them feel like they have to send a gift if they can't afford to come (kind of gift grabby?), or just not worry about it and not invite them? 
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Re: Bachelorette/Bridal Shower Question

  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I invited a couple of people to mine who live far away - my MIL, SIL.  I didn't expect them to make it, nor did I expect gifts.  They obviously didn't come and didn't send a gift.  I told them beforehand that they were invited, but I understood obviously that they probably wouldn't make it.  I just wanted them to feel involved in the wedding, especially my MIL since she wasn't around for the planning part.  

    I'd feel ok inviting very close friends or family, but not more casual friends

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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you are close with them I don't see any issues in inviting them.  
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  • silver0319silver0319 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    WinstonsGirl said:
    I invited a couple of people to mine who live far away - my MIL, SIL.  I didn't expect them to make it, nor did I expect gifts.  They obviously didn't come and didn't send a gift.  I told them beforehand that they were invited, but I understood obviously that they probably wouldn't make it.  I just wanted them to feel involved in the wedding, especially my MIL since she wasn't around for the planning part.  

    I'd feel ok inviting very close friends or family, but not more casual friends

    This. The hosts should also take into account that these long distance invitees may actually attend.
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    casey8784 said:
    Hi all, 

    What's the etiquette on inviting friends/family that live long distance (driving 8+ hours or a plane flight difference) to a bridal shower or bachelorette party? Especially if they'll be flying out a few months later for the wedding? Invite them and possibly make them feel like they have to send a gift if they can't afford to come (kind of gift grabby?), or just not worry about it and not invite them? 
    Please invite them. I live 8 hours away from my home town and it sucks when my siblings(well, in laws) and my mom gets invited to pre-wedding things but I don't. Sometimes I can make them due to my schedule, sometimes I can't. And if I can't, sometimes I still like to send a gift. My mom actually got me a gift to give both my cousin's FI's for shower gifts and I just paid her back the next time I was in town. For weddings I can't make, depending on the person (if I consider them a friend or if they're just adding people to the list), I send a gift regardless as a congrats! It's not gift grabby.. people just like to be able to celebrate with you if possible. In reality, I'm sad I can't make showers. Just this year I've missed 4 of friends/family showers and I've missed one of my friend's wedding.
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Go ahead and invite them. My cousin lives in Phoenix and most of the family is in Boston. We got invited to her shower and bachelorette and my aunts that could flew out to the shower. Some of the older cousins flew out for the bachelorette party. But we did it because we wanted to, not because we felt obligated. 

    I didn't make it out for the shower, but I still sent a gift because I wanted to.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I included my SIL who lives in California and my close friend who lives in Arizona to my bridal shower that took place in Maryland.  My SIL did not come but my close friend did.

    I would go ahead and invite them.  If you are very close to them then invite them.  It won't come off as gift grabby it will come off as you wanting them to be there with you.  Whether or not they can is up to them but don't not invite them just because they live far away.

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  • casey8784casey8784 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    thanks ladies! I thought it would be along these lines but I wanted to double check first...
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  • mbrooke2008mbrooke2008 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    One of my bridesmaids and several close friends lived rather far away, but I still invited them so because they are important to me. I told them all to not feel obligated to come by any means, and that no gift was necessary but that I wanted them to know they were invited and I would've loved to have had them ( a few of them did make the trip in!)
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  • mimiphinmimiphin member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

     mbrooke2008 said:

    One of my bridesmaids and several close friends lived rather far away, but I still invited them so because they are important to me. I told them all to not feel obligated to come by any means, and that no gift was necessary but that I wanted them to know they were invited and I would've loved to have had them ( a few of them did make the trip in!)

    melbelleup said:
    casey8784 said:
    Hi all, 

    What's the etiquette on inviting friends/family that live long distance (driving 8+ hours or a plane flight difference) to a bridal shower or bachelorette party? Especially if they'll be flying out a few months later for the wedding? Invite them and possibly make them feel like they have to send a gift if they can't afford to come (kind of gift grabby?), or just not worry about it and not invite them? 
    Please invite them. I live 8 hours away from my home town and it sucks when my siblings(well, in laws) and my mom gets invited to pre-wedding things but I don't. Sometimes I can make them due to my schedule, sometimes I can't. And if I can't, sometimes I still like to send a gift. My mom actually got me a gift to give both my cousin's FI's for shower gifts and I just paid her back the next time I was in town. For weddings I can't make, depending on the person (if I consider them a friend or if they're just adding people to the list), I send a gift regardless as a congrats! It's not gift grabby.. people just like to be able to celebrate with you if possible. In reality, I'm sad I can't make showers. Just this year I've missed 4 of friends/family showers and I've missed one of my friend's wedding.
    Both of the bold statements have hit it on the head. I have friends and family spread all over Canada from BC's west coast (Vancouver) to New Brunswick (My MOH lives out there). For all parties, holidays ect I invite who I want to be there. I know that my MOH most likely won't come but I would hate for her to be able to, not know about it and thus miss out.

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