Chit Chat

Self Invitees and Asking When We Are Having Kids...

PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
edited October 2013 in Chit Chat
For warning I am simply venting here...

It seems in many social situations lately I either get asked if someone is invited or someone in fact invites themselves or someone asks when we are having kids. I have kept my responses on the self invitees to the classic 'We are having a smaller wedding with mostly family.' This really works for me because my FI does in fact have a large family and it's a true statement.

Then there's the 'When can we expect to see you reproduce the spawns of your combined DNA?!?!?! HUH HUH HUH?! WHEN?! HOW MANY KIDS ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE?!' I feel like this is a pretty personal question considering we haven't even walked down the aisle yet...and I do want kids but what if I didn't? How is that anyone's business?

Sorry...just the cojones on these people kill me. /endrant

Re: Self Invitees and Asking When We Are Having Kids...

  • Just wait until you get pregnant (if you choose to). It only gets worse with the personal comments and questions.

    I just act as disinterested as humanly possible. Annoying, prying questions or comments do not necessitate a courteous response.
  • ClimbingBrideNY said:
    I am so right there with you. So far the owner of my company and my former landlord have invited themselves to my wedding. Uh. No. 

    I'm 33 and my FI is 40. We are 99.9% sure that we are not having kids. When people ask, we say we're not having kids. Yet everyone and their freaking brother has said to us, "Oh, you'll change your minds!" I think we're both old enough to know what we want. It is so annoying. Why can't people just respect our decision? 
    While I do want to have them at some point, I can definitely respect those that choose not to and that's pretty disrespectful of people to say that.

    I have to add that my FMIL asked me...and while she is about to be my family it severely caught me off guard. I basically lost a heart beat or two on that one.
  • We're not even being asked when. It's just (loudly) assumed that our wedding will trigger a crapload of mini-human manufacturing within a month or two. Mostly by other parents around our age, or by would-be grandparents. I get that people are excited but holy geez, this is a personal issue and it's not that simple or easy for some.
  • I recently had a miscarriage, only close family knows this. So obviously they know we are trying. But now every time they see me or we go out to dinner, I am watched like a hawk. Am I drinking? Eating sushi? Do I look fat? etc.

    In my case, after I got married the little humans question exponentially increased.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • KatWAG said:

    I recently had a miscarriage, only close family knows this. So obviously they know we are trying. But now every time they see me or we go out to dinner, I am watched like a hawk. Am I drinking? Eating sushi? Do I look fat? etc.

    In my case, after I got married the little humans question exponentially increased.

    I am so sorry for your loss...that must be really rough to feel continuously monitored. It would be nice if people realized when it happens it happens but pressure is not going to help anyone!
  • @Katwag I'm sorry for your loss. 

    A co-worker that was out on long term sick leave stopped by the office after I had married.  I don't even think she knew I was engaged.  The secretary she was having lunch with, told her I got married.  So she came in to give me a congratulatory hug and then proceeded to pat my lower belly asking when the little ones would come.  I'd had the question asked, so I had gotten used to the kids questions.  I just couldn't believe she patted my belly while asking about kids!

  • KatWAG said:

    I recently had a miscarriage, only close family knows this. So obviously they know we are trying. But now every time they see me or we go out to dinner, I am watched like a hawk. Am I drinking? Eating sushi? Do I look fat? etc.

    In my case, after I got married the little humans question exponentially increased.

    My sympathies. We have gone through this too, and most people do not know, so they do not realize how deeply hurtful these kinds of comments are.
  • we have chosen not to have children, he has two boys 11 & 8 that i absolutley love! i have been with them for 6 years. I never have wants children of my own. People cannot understand that at all.
  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    So last night we're discussing the fact that if everyone FMIL wants to come came, we'd have something like 50+ children running around. (I really don't want to deal with a million kids!) I suggested renting a bouncy castle.

    I kid you not, FMIL looks me straight in the eye and tells me I should buy one and keep it in the back yard after the wedding for when the grand kids start coming.
  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    kitty8403 said:
    So last night we're discussing the fact that if everyone FMIL wants to come came, we'd have something like 50+ children running around. (I really don't want to deal with a million kids!) I suggested renting a bouncy castle. I kid you not, FMIL looks me straight in the eye and tells me I should buy one and keep it in the back yard after the wedding for when the grand kids start coming.
    Wow...you suggested this so you don't have kids running around and being all crazy at your wedding. I will assume you said it nicely but if I heard someone saying they are trying to keep the kids occupied, I would take it as a sign "They are not thinking about kids right now"  

    My FI's family doesn't understand why at this moment I can't think about having kids. (I had a very dark childhood. Mental/emotional trauma) So my mindset does not view having children as a good thing. They are religious and they don't understand, they keep saying their confused and say the opposite of what I believe and feel. It's so frustrating!!!!!!! I know we're engaged and thinking about kids should be after the wedding, but we went to Pre Cana so questions were brought up. This is how this all started @.@ 

    @Kat - I am so sorry. =( 


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • CLI242009 said:
    kitty8403 said:
    So last night we're discussing the fact that if everyone FMIL wants to come came, we'd have something like 50+ children running around. (I really don't want to deal with a million kids!) I suggested renting a bouncy castle. I kid you not, FMIL looks me straight in the eye and tells me I should buy one and keep it in the back yard after the wedding for when the grand kids start coming.
    Wow...you suggested this so you don't have kids running around and being all crazy at your wedding. I will assume you said it nicely but if I heard someone saying they are trying to keep the kids occupied, I would take it as a sign "They are not thinking about kids right now"  

    My FI's family doesn't understand why at this moment I can't think about having kids. (I had a very dark childhood. Mental/emotional trauma) So my mindset does not view having children as a good thing. They are religious and they don't understand, they keep saying their confused and say the opposite of what I believe and feel. It's so frustrating!!!!!!! I know we're engaged and thinking about kids should be after the wedding, but we went to Pre Cana so questions were brought up. This is how this all started @.@ 

    @Kat - I am so sorry. =( 


    It sucks that you had a rough childhood! This is exactly why I think questions about having children are intrusive because you never know what someone has been through. There are a million reasons why some people would rather not have children or want to wait or do not want to wait for that matter. I think it is smart of you to recognize your own issues and make a decision that is right for your family (you and your FI). Take their opinions with a grain of salt and change the subject often...BEAN DIP IT UP!
  • KatWAG said:

    I recently had a miscarriage, only close family knows this. So obviously they know we are trying. But now every time they see me or we go out to dinner, I am watched like a hawk. Am I drinking? Eating sushi? Do I look fat? etc.

    In my case, after I got married the little humans question exponentially increased.

    I'm very sorry for your loss. 
  • aefitz29 said:
    CLI242009 said:
    kitty8403 said:
    So last night we're discussing the fact that if everyone FMIL wants to come came, we'd have something like 50+ children running around. (I really don't want to deal with a million kids!) I suggested renting a bouncy castle. I kid you not, FMIL looks me straight in the eye and tells me I should buy one and keep it in the back yard after the wedding for when the grand kids start coming.
    Wow...you suggested this so you don't have kids running around and being all crazy at your wedding. I will assume you said it nicely but if I heard someone saying they are trying to keep the kids occupied, I would take it as a sign "They are not thinking about kids right now"  

    My FI's family doesn't understand why at this moment I can't think about having kids. (I had a very dark childhood. Mental/emotional trauma) So my mindset does not view having children as a good thing. They are religious and they don't understand, they keep saying their confused and say the opposite of what I believe and feel. It's so frustrating!!!!!!! I know we're engaged and thinking about kids should be after the wedding, but we went to Pre Cana so questions were brought up. This is how this all started @.@ 

    @Kat - I am so sorry. =( 


    It sucks that you had a rough childhood! Thank you. The hard thing about it is, I didn't realize it till I moved away from my family. So it's kind of all new and I just need to figure things out when it comes to that aspect of my life. 

    This is exactly why I think questions about having children are intrusive because you never know what someone has been through. Exactly! For all you know you could speaking to someone who was I don't know assaulted and make them feel ashamed of themselves. Or someone who can't have kids but wants them, you would just make them depressed. It's no one's business. 

    There are a million reasons why some people would rather not have children or want to wait or do not want to wait for that matter. I think it is smart of you to recognize your own issues and make a decision that is right for your family (you and your FI). Thank you again. We are doing things are own way. Not the whole "what society" thinks we should do. It's worked out for us. We're not the typical couple haha. Nothing about us is typical, we're considered the weird ones among our friends xP Take their opinions with a grain of salt and change the subject often...BEAN DIP IT UP!

    Believe me I try and it usually works. Well FI's brother & wife are pregnant so now it's being brought up again. I try to stay away from the baby talk. Don't get me wrong I am happy that THEY are happy, but I can't be happy FOR them. If that makes sense? So I try not to be around them because I know they wouldn't understand. I don't want to be a downer or ruin the mood for them. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • KatWAG said:

    I recently had a miscarriage, only close family knows this. So obviously they know we are trying. But now every time they see me or we go out to dinner, I am watched like a hawk. Am I drinking? Eating sushi? Do I look fat? etc.

    In my case, after I got married the little humans question exponentially increased.

    I'm so sorry. I know how rough it is to go through that. Mine was over a year ago and I'm still dealing.

    I haven't had anyone ask me when the kids are coming yet, but it might be because of that. It also might be because we aren't married yet, or because FI has two sons already...I have no idea what I'll say when they do start asking.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards