S/O of Amapola's post

Sakalicious · October 2013

What don't you like about yourself? Do you plan to do anything to change that?

I ask this because I've really been struggling with "liking" myself over the last few months and I'm having a difficult time going about making the changes that I want to make. I blamed my temporary leave on work in my AMA post, but the truth is, I've been struggling with a lot internally recently and I needed to rid myself of distractions. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else feels like they really want to make changes but don't know where to begin.

CLoGreenEyes · October 2013

I definitely feel that way. Mostly there are just hobbies and interests I want to get back into that reflect who I am and what I love. Time and money for that stuff is hard to come by during school, though, so while I'm putting it off I feel more detached and less like myself. I try to remember that it's only temporary and someday I can nurture all the parts of me again, not just the academic/professional side.

Blue & White · October 2013

I like myself. Sometimes I wish my genetics and general immune system were better...because I am sick far too often. I also babble when I'm nervous. And I'm good at keeping secrets, but they tear me up inside I've done a lot of soul searching (and therapy) this past summer to get through my medical anxiety and it has really allowed me to be a lot more accepting of stressful situations that come up. Once I accept them, I can come up with a logical plan of attack.

buddysmom80 · October 2013

What I don't like about myself? I don't have a lot of self-confidence. When BF says I look pretty or whatever I think it's a load of shit and he totally means it.

I've been working on it, but I know I won't be 100% happy with myself until I lose the weight I've gained this past year since buying the house. Monday I'll be back on that wagon since all my doctors have ruled out every issue I've had with the lower abdominal pain I've been having. So, that's a good thing.

Sakalicious · October 2013

Just realized I never shared what it is I don't like about myself...
Everything that has happened recently in grad school and with my boss has made me incredibly angry and bitter. I feel like I constantly have a chip on my shoulder and I just want to be able to let go and move on with my life. I've been hanging on and it's been causing more problems than it's worth.

Buddy, I'm glad you're not going back on the wagon until after this weekend

I hope your pain gets sorted out!

cu97tiger · October 2013

Interesting question, Lasak, because as I was writing my list of 'likes' about myself, I realized that some of those are also what I sometimes like least about myself. It's great that I care so much for other people, but sometimes that gets in the way of me taking care of myself and DH, first.

To answer your question about wanting to make changes, I suggest this: pick one thing. ONE thing. Start today in changing that. Look, you wanted to rid yourself of distractions, and you did. You're capable of whatever you put your mind to. So if you want to eat better, pick one food you'll drop out of rotation (hello french fries! I mean goodbye french fries!). If you want to treat DH better, take a big deep breath right before he walks in the door, and make yourself respond pleasantly to whatever comes out of his mouth. I'm not sure exactly what you're feeling like needs to be fixed, but I know you can do it. You are crazy smart, beautiful, funny, and have lots of friends willing to help if you say the word.

Sakalicious · October 2013

Tiger, now I'm tearing up at my desk. I love you hard!

[Deleted User] · October 2013

I love Sak.

Sakalicious · October 2013

CocoBellaF said:

I love Sak.

Sak loves YOU!

[Deleted User] · October 2013

CLICK HERE.

P.S. just don't tell my H!

Blackbird230 · October 2013

I love you all.

I've been struggling recently with some weight gain since I transitioned from college to the real world. I used to walk everywhere on campus and now I have my car and a job and I don't always walk or run as much as I should. I'm up to at least 135 from 125 and I'm only 4'11 so it shows. I can't wear my normal work pants anymore because they don't fit. I'm just frustrated and I have a bad habit of just stopping to eat when I've gained too much weight.

ETA: I don't know if I just need to get used to the new weight and my new self or fight it.

labro · October 2013

I like myself a lot. Most of the things I don't like are changeable as long as I get the motivation to actually make the change. The main thing about myself that I don't like is my weight. I lost 20 lbs earlier this summer and since then I've just stalled. I have a long ways to go but some days it seems like an impossible goal to reach. Like Tiger said, what helps the most is having friends and family behind you cheering you on as long as you're willing to ask for the help. BF is always there to help me stay accountable even when I don't want to be.

I listened to a story on NPR yesterday morning about a guy who was an alcoholic and an over-eater. Every time he succeeded in refusing a drink he would text one of his friends to let them know. They would always come back with love and support...cheering him on towards his goal of being alcohol-free and a healthy eater. It was an inspring story about how just reaching out to others can help you to make serious positive changes in your life. You just have to be willing to ask for the help.

beanbot2002 · October 2013

I just want to say, @sakalicious, that Bean thinks you're the top of the heap! Creme de la creme! Scientist extraordinaire! So does el Senor, and so do I. We love you sky big, lady.

katieg520 · October 2013

What don't I like about myself?

I think I lack sympathy for people and have been told I'm a hard-ass. I find that, because I don't allow myself any slack, I don't give slack to others either. I have almost unrealistic expectations for myself and others. I tend to be pessimistic at times and automatically think the worst. I freak out when one little thing goes wrong because I like things to be "just so."
I am also so hard on myself about my weight. I get so down about myself if I have gained weight.

loves2shop4shoes · October 2013

Well, there are a lot of things I like about myself. You can read about them in my AMA thread. But there are a lot of things I don't like about myself. At all.

1. I don't like my body right now. And I haven't for at least 3 out of the last 6 years. I AM going to Pure Barre class 5 days per week right now, but I'm sure my weight loss would be greatly expedited if I didn't eat shit. That's something I need to work on.

2. I think I can be kind of selfish in really strong relationships. So sometimes in my marriage, for example, I lean a little too much on DH. I get into a depressed fog because of this work situation and let him do 90% of the house work, despite the fact that he works all day long. Some call this accepting support during a hard time. I call it selfishness, and I don't like it. I make a concerted effort to help out more around the house these days.

3. My natural inclination is to run from scary/hurtful situations. And I don't like it. I have to constantly remind myself that that is my natural response and running away from situations won't make my life better.

4. I don't like how directionless I am in terms of a career. I know that I DO want a job that will allow me to be creative and challenged. I'd like that to be in marketing, the non-profit sector, fashion/beauty, or magazines IDEALLY. But that's really all I've got right now... And I hate it. SO SO SO SO much.

tuarceatha · October 2013

cu97tiger said:

Interesting question, Lasak, because as I was writing my list of 'likes' about myself, I realized that some of those are also what I sometimes like least about myself. It's great that I care so much for other people, but sometimes that gets in the way of me taking care of myself and DH, first.

To answer your question about wanting to make changes, I suggest this: pick one thing. ONE thing. Start today in changing that. Look, you wanted to rid yourself of distractions, and you did. You're capable of whatever you put your mind to. So if you want to eat better, pick one food you'll drop out of rotation (hello french fries! I mean goodbye french fries!). If you want to treat DH better, take a big deep breath right before he walks in the door, and make yourself respond pleasantly to whatever comes out of his mouth. I'm not sure exactly what you're feeling like needs to be fixed, but I know you can do it. You are crazy smart, beautiful, funny, and have lots of friends willing to help if you say the word.

I totally believe in this advice. I was going through a thing a few months back and I think that taking on that long business trip was a really good thing for me. When I came home I was so grateful for my life. My home. My day-to-day stuffs. It has only been a couple of months, but I'm a better version of me. Not 100%, just a couple little things I don't like about myself are mostly gone. To be specific, I tend to be sloppy and lazy about picking up after myself. And then the mess gets out of hand, and it takes hours to put everything in its place. Since I've been home from my trip, I'm way more proactive. I find myself putting stuff away right away because I like that better than the feeling of not doing it and getting to sit and do something else instead.

Set an obtainable goal, just at Tiger said. And work at it. You can do it!

cu97tiger · October 2013

katieg520 said:

What don't I like about myself?

I think I lack sympathy for people and have been told I'm a hard-ass. I find that, because I don't allow myself any slack, I don't give slack to others either. I have almost unrealistic expectations for myself and others. I tend to be pessimistic at times and automatically think the worst. I freak out when one little thing goes wrong because I like things to be "just so."
I am also so hard on myself about my weight. I get so down about myself if I have gained weight.

I mean this in the nicest possible way (because, heck, I married the guy)... you sound exactly like my husband (except the freaking out part)

Sakalicious · October 2013

LivLeighton said:

I'm not playing this one today because I feel really down about myself and think just listing it all out would do more harm than good.

We can haz drinks and snuggles?

beanbot2002 · October 2013

@livleighton, then I'm gonna tell you something that I think is wonderful about you

You listen, TRULY listen, to people and their problems. Whether you know them or not, you take time out to think about what they're saying and offer what advice you can.

You love animals. You're their champion.

You love almost unconditionally.

You're smart and kind and beautiful and smart and compassionate.

@ all of NEY, I love all of you and think you're all superb

beanbot2002 · October 2013

@livleighton NO SOBBING! Smiles! Smiles all around! We all have our cruddy days, but don't you ever forget how much you are loved by so many! And don't forget about all the awesome you bring to this world! It's like a lot!

phira · October 2013

I don't really like how lazy I am. Right now, I'm sooooo tired that I am close to emailing/calling in sick today. I'm pretty sure that if I got up earlier and went to bed earlier, worked out regularly, and ate better, I would feel better most of the time. But it's so hard to get motivated.

In general, I think it just all sort of adds up to: I feel like I suck at being an adult. Can't get up early enough. Can't go to bed at a reasonable hour. Don't exercise. Too lazy to put away laundry. Etc etc. I feel like if I'm mature enough to get married, I should be mature enough to get my life on track.

doubleSS07 · October 2013

I feel like I have way too many things about me that I don't like.

I am a hard ass also. I have a hard time being empathetic, especially when people have the same dramas over and over. I'm extremely analytical and over think things in a very simplistic way sometimes, not taking in to consideration extenuating circumstances. I wish I had softer initial reactions. I've been working on this by not immediately responding to something and taking time to think it over first.

I can be a negative nelly. I get it from my mom and I work hard every single day to try and NOT be like that but there are times when it's really hard and it gets the best of me.

I yoyo diet like crazy. I am super happy, confident and motivated when I am feeling great about my body and how I look. I went through a really rough time last year and let all my hard work go to pot. It's been hard, even through the wedding planning, to feel pretty. I'm working on getting back in to running because I like it as a solo sport. I get lost in my own thoughts outs there.

I also have no real idea of what I want to do work wise. Part of me wants the power and prestige of a higher ranking position but the rest of me likes the work - life balance of an OK job. One that will allow me to be with my future kids if I need to take off, etc. I'd like to be doing something more interesting but those jobs don't pay the bills here.

KeptInStitches · October 2013

I don't recognize myself. I'm so damn embittered from grad school and all that I've been putting up with and trying to make work without taking care of myself at all. Maybe I need a mental health day. In the meantime, Sak, virtual drinks?

Hummingbird125 · October 2013

I don't work as hard at things as I should. I've given up too easily on some work-related things in the past (not my last job - there I worked my ass off but it wasn't going to work out no matter what). I think it comes from things coming really easily to me in HS and even in college to an extent. I'm trying to fix this.

I don't like how I can become passive aggressive at BF when I'm even slightly mad at him. He has asked me to just come out and say what I'm upset about because he can't read my mind - but I almost never do so. He is a really great communicator and though our relationship is very healthy, I know it would be even better if I always spoke up when something was bothering me.

Sakalicious · October 2013

Yeees to virtual drinks!

Shiroyasha · October 2013

I don't like myself very much. I find that I'm very plain. I have no interesting hobbies. I'm not creative and I'm not particularly good at anything (I have no talents or anything). I don't like change so I don't try new things often. I guess I don't like to try new things because I know I'll either suck at them or be just average at them.

GoldenPenguin · October 2013

I really don't like my physical self. I used to be such a great athlete, and in such great shape, and now I get winded walking across campus.

I hate my lack of motivation. I am so down on myself physically, and that should be enough motivation to start working out, but it's obviously not. I tell myself that I'll start getting up early & doing something, but I don't. Or that I'll do something after work, but I always just want to come home.

I don't like that I've put my work before a lot of relationships in my life. Most of my friends don't even ask me to do things anymore, because 95% of the time, I say no. I can't fault them for it, but it still hurts.

I don't like that I'm not organized. I hate taking care of laundry, so I'll just let it sit in piles on the floor - I usually have one clean pile & one dirty pile. I've gotten better since moving in with BF, but I can't break all of my bad habits.

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