Wedding Etiquette Forum

Question re: limited ceremony space

FI and I were talking about our guest list last night, and our venue has a few options for ceremony spaces. The guests we're inviting are from all over the country, and some are elderly, so at this point we aren't sure who will be able to make it. If we have less than 120 guests attend, we can have our ceremony on the patio overlooking the golf course easy, right? If we have over 120, we'll have to rent a tent to be set-up about 30 yards from the clubhouse and have the ceremony there. I made some calls about tents in our area and did the math. Between the tent/side walls, chairs, draping, etc. this would add approx. $3K to our cost (yuck). Our guest list is trimmed already and we're hovering right around 150.

Here's where it gets tricky. At a lot of weddings in my hometown, a good amount of guests will skip the ceremony and just attend the reception (I don't know why, but often times this is the case). Rather than invite 150 people and obligate ourselves to a tent (that we may not even need), is there a polite way to ask guests to RSVP to the ceremony and reception on the response card, so we have an idea of how many to expect at the ceremony? *puts on flame retardant sut* TIA!

 

Re: Question re: limited ceremony space

  • FI and I were talking about our guest list last night, and our venue has a few options for ceremony spaces. The guests we're inviting are from all over the country, and some are elderly, so at this point we aren't sure who will be able to make it. If we have less than 120 guests attend, we can have our ceremony on the patio overlooking the golf course easy, right? If we have over 120, we'll have to rent a tent to be set-up about 30 yards from the clubhouse and have the ceremony there. I made some calls about tents in our area and did the math. Between the tent/side walls, chairs, draping, etc. this would add approx. $3K to our cost (yuck). Our guest list is trimmed already and we're hovering right around 150.

    Here's where it gets tricky. At a lot of weddings in my hometown, a good amount of guests will skip the ceremony and just attend the reception (I don't know why, but often times this is the case). Rather than invite 150 people and obligate ourselves to a tent (that we may not even need), is there a polite way to ask guests to RSVP to the ceremony and reception on the response card, so we have an idea of how many to expect at the ceremony? *puts on flame retardant sut* TIA!

    No, there isn't a polite way.

    Is it possible to book the tent after your RSVP numbers have come in?
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  • I have a call in to the rental place now to see what their policy is if we need to cancel. I suppose we could just rent everything to be safe and then cancel if we find we won't need it....even if we lose a deposit it's a lot less than the total amount, eh? Thanks!

     

  • I have a call in to the rental place now to see what their policy is if we need to cancel. I suppose we could just rent everything to be safe and then cancel if we find we won't need it....even if we lose a deposit it's a lot less than the total amount, eh? Thanks!

    Yep! I think that this would be your best solution - it's not ideal, but it is most certainly the lesser of two evils.
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  • I have a call in to the rental place now to see what their policy is if we need to cancel. I suppose we could just rent everything to be safe and then cancel if we find we won't need it....even if we lose a deposit it's a lot less than the total amount, eh? Thanks!

    Yep! I think that this would be your best solution - it's not ideal, but it is most certainly the lesser of two evils.
    This. 
  • The polite way to do this is by inviting 120 people. But "draping" isn't a requirement. Neither are side walls unless it's cold, in which case the patio would be out too. What's your indoor backup plan? Can you use that instead if there are a few too many for the patio?
  • Wait, back up.  At a lot of weddings in your hometown a good amount of guests will skip the ceremony and only attend the reception?  Even if they are back to back and in the same location?  That is SO RUDE.  I almost can't believe that. 

     

    I mean of course, some people have to miss the ceremony because of work, or get lost on the way there and are late, or whatever...but to intentionally skip the ceremony and then show up to the reception, which is intended to be the B&G's way to Receive people AS A THANK YOU FOR ATTENDING THE CEREMONY strikes me as crazy.  Who does this?  I guess people that care more about free food and an open bar than they do about the B&G.  The ceremony is the most important part of the day!  Why would you intentionally skip it!

  • delujm0 said:

    Wait, back up.  At a lot of weddings in your hometown a good amount of guests will skip the ceremony and only attend the reception?  Even if they are back to back and in the same location?  That is SO RUDE.  I almost can't believe that. 

     

    I mean of course, some people have to miss the ceremony because of work, or get lost on the way there and are late, or whatever...but to intentionally skip the ceremony and then show up to the reception, which is intended to be the B&G's way to Receive people AS A THANK YOU FOR ATTENDING THE CEREMONY strikes me as crazy.  Who does this?  I guess people that care more about free food and an open bar than they do about the B&G.  The ceremony is the most important part of the day!  Why would you intentionally skip it!


    I knowwwww! It baffles me too! When each of my sisters got married probably 20% of the guests skipped the ceremony but were at the reception. I just....there are no words...

     

  • FI and I were talking about our guest list last night, and our venue has a few options for ceremony spaces. The guests we're inviting are from all over the country, and some are elderly, so at this point we aren't sure who will be able to make it. If we have less than 120 guests attend, we can have our ceremony on the patio overlooking the golf course easy, right? If we have over 120, we'll have to rent a tent to be set-up about 30 yards from the clubhouse and have the ceremony there. I made some calls about tents in our area and did the math. Between the tent/side walls, chairs, draping, etc. this would add approx. $3K to our cost (yuck). Our guest list is trimmed already and we're hovering right around 150.

    Here's where it gets tricky. At a lot of weddings in my hometown, a good amount of guests will skip the ceremony and just attend the reception (I don't know why, but often times this is the case). Rather than invite 150 people and obligate ourselves to a tent (that we may not even need), is there a polite way to ask guests to RSVP to the ceremony and reception on the response card, so we have an idea of how many to expect at the ceremony? *puts on flame retardant sut* TIA!

    Can't you do the ceremony outdoors without a tent?  Just rent chairs and call it a day.  I don't understand why a tent is required.

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  • delujm0 said:

    Wait, back up.  At a lot of weddings in your hometown a good amount of guests will skip the ceremony and only attend the reception?  Even if they are back to back and in the same location?  That is SO RUDE.  I almost can't believe that. 

     

    I mean of course, some people have to miss the ceremony because of work, or get lost on the way there and are late, or whatever...but to intentionally skip the ceremony and then show up to the reception, which is intended to be the B&G's way to Receive people AS A THANK YOU FOR ATTENDING THE CEREMONY strikes me as crazy.  Who does this?  I guess people that care more about free food and an open bar than they do about the B&G.  The ceremony is the most important part of the day!  Why would you intentionally skip it!

    I don't get this either. Last weekend I went to a wedding and somehow I screwed up the times. I thought it started at 4:30, but it actually started at 4:00. By the time we got there the ceremony was ending and I felt bad about it the whole weekend because we missed the ceremony. I would never intentionally do that and I don't understand people who do.
    image
  • Good point. I'm tossing that idea around, though it's going to be mid-October in Pennsylvania... which could either be beautiful or gross... I suppose we could have it outside without a tent and then inside in case of yucky weather. Clearly I haven't thought all of this through :)

     

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