How to do the gifts for parents?

Re: How to do the gifts for parents?

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  hoffse member

  

  October 2013

  A few thoughts:

  
  

  1) Don't give yourself heartburn over this. You're way overthinking it.

  
  

  2) It's 100% acceptable to give gifts to a couple as a couple - I actually find it a bit odd to do gifts for "mom" vs. "dad" unless they are small items.  You can treat married couples as a unit.

  
  

  3) I think if you're going to give a gift to one parent you should give gifts to them all.

  
  

  4) I seriously doubt that on the eve of your wedding day, your parents are contemplating what gift they will be getting.  Anything you want to give them is fine.  Trying to get hints from them assumes they have thought about this - I can almost guarantee you they haven't.

  
  

  5) I would find it strange not to discuss the gifts with your FI - after all, you are a couple, no?  And these gifts are coming from both of you?  I have never heard of the bride giving gifts to the groom's parents and the groom giving gifts to the bride's parents -  rather, the parent gifts should be coming from you both, since you are now a unit or about to become one.

  
  

  6) The gift to your parents don't have to match the gift to his, but if they are going to open them at the same time I think it's nice for them to feel equivalent.  That avoids hurt feelings.

  
  

  FWIW our parent gifts were nice waterford picture frames plus a large gift certificate to snapfish.com.  Our photog gave us digital copies of our pictures, and we created photobooks on snapfish after the wedding, that our parents could order with their gift card.  They could also order prints to send to relatives, etc.  Both sets of parents, though very different, seemed to really like the gift.  In fact, both sets have started scanning in their own photos to snapfish because they liked the photobook so much - they have decided to get rid of their bulky, traditional photo albums.

  

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  hoffse member

  

  October 2013

  Also, you can give the gifts whenever, but don't make a big scene about it.  We gave our parent gifts after the rehearsal dinner, while people were socializing.

  
  

  I don't think there's anything strictly off-limits, though I suppose the regular gift-giving rules for weddings still apply... I mean, your mom probably won't care to get a "mother of the bride" embroidered tote bag with your wedding date on it.  Just make it something they will enjoy.  We chose pictures because both sets of parents are picture-crazy, and we knew it was something they would really like.

  
  

  

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  maryemoo member

  

  October 2013

  @hoffse Thanks!

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  emmyg65 member

  

  October 2013

  Do you have to do gifts for the parents? (We're going to anyways, I'm just curious.) No. We got our parents gifts because they helped a lot with the wedding (not just financially) and we wanted to thank them for that. 

  What parents do you get gifts for? I know I'm getting one for his mom, but do I get one for his step-dad as well? (His dad passed away about 9 years ago.) Does he get one for my mom, my dad, or both? Whichever you want, but if they'll be opening them publicly, you'll probably want to get something for all the parents that will be there. We gave gifts to our parents as a couple. We got a gift for my mom and dad, and for his dad and stepmom. We didn't get a gift for his mom.

  Do you help each other pick out the gifts for your parents, or just say "hey I'm getting her/him this"? Is it acceptable to try to get hints about what the parents would like? I'm the gift-getter in our family so I decided that we'd get our parents gift certificates to a local restaurant, and then I ran it by my now-husband to see if he liked that idea. They were from both of us.

  When do you give the gifts to the parents? We mailed our parents the gift cards, along with a heartfelt letter of thanks, the day after our wedding. We wanted them to be able to open them privately. This is personal preference. Some folks give gifts at the rehearsal dinner (which we didn't have).

  Is there anything that should NOT be given as a gift? I think gifts should be personal and something that you think the recipient will like. 

  
  

  As you can see, this is a really individual thing. There's no set rule for giving parents gifts. You don't have to do it, it doesn't have to be a certain thing, etc. I know both our parents would have been fine just getting a sincere thank you letter.

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  mbrooke2008 member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  I gave my mom and dad both a gift because I am  very close to them and they fully funded our wedding and put a lot of time into planning it with my since my husband was in military training throughout our entire engagement, so this was my way of thanking them ( even though I feel there really is no way to fully thank them for what they did for us!) I got my mom a picture frame that can be hung with a quote from her favorite book to read to my brother and I as kids. The idea is that she can put a picture of she and I from the wedding in it. I gave my dad a picture frame as well that has a spot for two pictures and I put one of us on my 3rd birthday and left the other for him to put one of us from the wedding and underneath the photos it says " Forever Your Little Girl ". I gave them their gifts after the rehearsal dinner in private. My husband chose to not do gifts for his parents ( he has kind of a complicated situation ).
  
  I am pretty sentimental and this is the first time I am living away from them. In the past we always lived within an hour of each other, and now we are a 20 hour drive apart. I have a hard time buying gifts for my parents because they are adults and most things they want, they buy for themselves and they always insist that we don't spend our money on them. Both of these gifts had meaning behind them and were sentimental so I think they both liked the gifts!
  

  

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