Wedding Wire discussion on B-listed

jillsky2280 · October 2013

Hi ladies,

I just popped over to Wedding wire to see how the advice differs for people asking questions about etiquette and came across this gem.

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/plan-guests-how-to-deal-with-invitations-is-it-rude/c1c60faf8a5a2214.html

People are telling other brides who want to b-list people to order two different sets of RSVP cards with two different dates. I seriously can't believe people think it's okay to do that!

What do you ladies think?

smalfrie19 · October 2013

soo ick!

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

I got about half-way down the page and stopped. "It's only rude if you make it rude" "It's not rude if they don't know they're on the b-list".... what the hell?

I can't... even....

aurorajanette · October 2013

So typical. "Wedding Wire" is just a nice name for a gathering of women who are incredibly tacky and rude and don't care about their loved ones. I wouldn't expect anything else from them.

tabathafaye · October 2013

"B lists have to be handled carefully so as not to be rude, but it can be done."

Wow, that's like saying it's ok to call someone a "B" behind their back, but it isn't rude unless they find out about it.

SMH

photokitty · October 2013

how do you not know you're on the b-list unless you don't know a single person at the wedding besides the bride and groom?? How do they think people don't figure it out??

Pulling names out of a hat would be less rude...

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

photokitty said:

how do you not know you're on the b-list unless you don't know a single person at the wedding besides the bride and groom?? How do they think people don't figure it out??
Pulling names out of a hat would be less rude...

Even if you don't know a single person, it's pretty obvious if you receive an invitation close to the wedding. Even if they printed two sets of RSVP cards to try to trick me that I wasn't on a B-list, if I got an invitation 4 weeks out, I'd wonder...

delujm0 · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

I got about half-way down the page and stopped. "It's only rude if you make it rude" "It's not rude if they don't know they're on the b-list".... what the hell?

I can't... even....

i'm thinking these women don't know what "rude" means? I mean even if the B-listed guests don't know about it, it's rude. if you do it and they don't realize it YOU'RE STILL RUDE, they just don't know that you're rude, so they're not mad about it. That doesn't make you less rude.

it's like if you murder someone and get away with it. you're still a murderer, even though you were never convicted, right?

these people are the worst.

climbingsingle · October 2013

Yikes.

grumbledore · October 2013

I can't even read threads on Wedding Wire. Every single one that asks about something that may or may not be rude is a total shit show.

I do love their little table arranging app though!

APDSS22 · October 2013

Yeah my first response was, well it's Wedding Wire so this is pretty much typical. I can't believe someone actually thought of printing up two sets of response cards never mind everyone else agreeing with them. I stay off of WW to preserve what little faith in humanity I still possess.

phira · October 2013

So I'm on Wedding Wire, and I actually commented on that thread. Please don't ask me why I'm on there. I try to say that I want to be a voice of reason to save the poor guests of these weddings ... but I think I'm just bored at work.

But if you're gonna go through all the effort to make separate RSVP cards, you might as well just pay for the extra people and invite everyone. Geez.

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

This is just an honest question... I am not doing a B list. We already sent save the dates to everyone we want at the wedding, and the list is closed

Why is it ok to send save the Dates to some people, but not everyone, but it's not ok to send an invite to a few more people after invites have already gone out? Just playing devils advocate.

I was technically B listed many years ago because I got back in touch with a high school friend and she was getting married in a month or so, and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure, and she sent me an invitation. Maybe this a little different, but the sentiment is the same (and I didn't care, I am usually happy for my friends if they are getting married, and would love to go B list or not!)

APDSS22 · October 2013

Sending STDs to some people but not others isn't rude because it's just telling people who are definitely invited to your wedding "hey, I'm getting married and we picked this day..." it's supposed to be mostly for people who are definitely going to be traveling so they can begin to make preparations. Sending invites to people with the idea that if they say no you can invite even more people is rude because you're saying those people are interchangeable. It makes some people have to RSVP too early and gives the rest too little notice. Sending out additional invites with enough time for people to make proper plans is okay, which is why we usually say to set aside additional room for people to begin relationships, or for you to re-connect with people you haven't seen in awhile but are close to.

syoun1nj · October 2013

I was on a "B-list" for a wedding once and I didn't mind - it was not a wedding I expected an invite to in any way, the daughter or a co-worker/friend (she was also the sister of a friend). I lived near the wedding and they asked me a week or two before if I would like to come. They were totally open about hey, we have some seats, we'd like you to come if you would like to...I knew it was B-list but didnt care because friends! wine! food! dancing!

But overall, yes - it's rude. We only considered sort of b-listing one person, because she had offered to do our flowers after invitations went out (she is a former florist and I planned on doing mine myself). I felt if she did our flowers we had to have her stay - which I didn't mind at all, but I had avoided inviting co-workers to avoid a "why her and not me" thing - but ultimately I ended up hiring a florist. We did have 2 crashers because a guest from out of town invited some friends of his that lived where we got married. They snuck in after dinner and had a few drinks and hung out. I didn't care...we had 2 no-shows anyway, they brought a super generous cash gift...whatevs. We had a blast.

annathy03 · October 2013

Some experts (post, for example) will say that b listing is only rude if they know, but HOW can someone not know?

It was suggested to me early on IRL to do "family first" where your family including distant cousins etc get the in invites 2.5-3 months out and your friends regardless of how close get them 1.5-2 months. This MAY have worked in the past since those two circles are unlikely to chat amongst themselves, but with social media and everything being so interconnected now I can't see any b-list scenario working without at least a few guests finding out. Obviously we tossed that idea and are only having one list.

JustNicki · October 2013

WW is like a circle jerk for rude brides. I've seen lots of terrible etiquette advice over there. I was actually on there earlier this morning and found this other gem:

"I'm using Deposit a Gift. They charge the fee to the gift-giver, not the recipient and equate it to having to pay sales tax. I have had 5 'items' purchased off the registry so far. You can 'cash out' at any time you want, as many times as you want - you can do direct deposit or get a paper check mailed to you."

What a perfect workaround for the honeymoon registry dilemma! Instead of taking a cut of what should be my special pretty princess money, the site will LIE to my guests so I can cash out the full amount and buy a sparkly tiara to go with my princess attitude!!!!!

Wow.

short+sassy · October 2013

I thought one of my close friends had B listed me because I got the invite only three weeks before the wedding. But when I called to decline, it turned out they had gotten engaged in December and were having a casual, backyard wedding in Feb.

I would have gone, but I live halfway across the country from her and there was no way I could get a flight. I live in New Orleans and I would have had to fly out during the first weekend of the Mardi Gras season, Not happening, lol.

katieg520 · October 2013

I can't imagine having to hope and pray that people at my reception don't slip and discuss the invitation or RSVP date. I mean, I doubt it would come up, but what if it did? Like, what if someone mentions it and someone on the B-list overheard?

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