Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Post wedding sex?

So, my question revolved around post wedding sex and how often is normal? Okay, I know that there really isn't a normal, and that every couple is different. Backstory: when DH and I were dating, and pre-cohabitated, we saw each other once a week, sometimes twice, and usually had sex at least that once a week. Then wedding planning, and stress overload came, and it wound down to less than once a week. The honeymoon was GREAT; we both had a really good time, but I think it happened once. Maybe twice. Honestly, I don't even recall. From then on, he's been back at work, and both of us have been under way more stress than usual due to life, and just getting used to living with someone. We're both older, and a little more set in our ways than say, a 24 year old! Last time I initiated anything was at the end of August. We were away for another wedding, and things were heating up a bit. I went to the washroom to freshen up a bit, and 4 minutes later, when I got back to bed, he was up and dressed. Last time we got any action was about 2 weeks ago! Pre-dating, he was a 42 year old virgin, so the sex thing was new and really exciting for him. He's not the most delicate lover though, and while he does try, he tends to forget what this woman likes from each time we have sex. As a result, I tend to now shy away from it, and I hate to keep repeating myself, but things definitely need to change in this regard, with both of us! Any suggestions?
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Re: Post wedding sex?

  • My advice, and pretty much everyone else's, before your wedding was to run. I have the same advice today. 
    So, my question revolved around post wedding sex and how often is normal? Okay, I know that there really isn't a normal, and that every couple is different. Backstory: when DH and I were dating, and pre-cohabitated, we saw each other once a week, sometimes twice, and usually had sex at least that once a week. Then wedding planning, and stress overload came, and it wound down to less than once a week. The honeymoon was GREAT; we both had a really good time, but I think it happened once. Maybe twice. Honestly, I don't even recall. From then on, he's been back at work, and both of us have been under way more stress than usual due to life, and just getting used to living with someone. We're both older, and a little more set in our ways than say, a 24 year old! Last time I initiated anything was at the end of August. We were away for another wedding, and things were heating up a bit. I went to the washroom to freshen up a bit, and 4 minutes later, when I got back to bed, he was up and dressed. Last time we got any action was about 2 weeks ago! Pre-dating, he was a 42 year old virgin, so the sex thing was new and really exciting for him. He's not the most delicate lover though, and while he does try, he tends to forget what this woman likes from each time we have sex. As a result, I tend to now shy away from it, and I hate to keep repeating myself, but things definitely need to change in this regard, with both of us! Any suggestions?

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    QueerFemme
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    From reading a few of your past threads, I think you and H need some serious counseling. My H and I are pretty set in our ways also. But we make sex and communication a priority in our marriage.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I haven't seen your previous posts that PPs are talking about.
    If he hasn't had sex til marriage due to religious reasons, maybe he still has reservations about having sex, even though you are married, and feels like God/Jesus is watching him.  Or, maybe he just really isn't interested in having sex since he he went 42 years without it.  But, if it were me, I would be upset if he wasn't like Steve Carrel's character in 40 Year Old Virgin after finally having sex.  
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  • It doesn't really sound like he's "trying" all that much. Seriously, go to counseling. You need to have a discussion with someone to mediate.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Okay, thanks ladies
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Look every sexual relationship ebbs and flows, the key is: are your needs being met? If not, are you capable of talking about what you want and how your partner can give it to you? If you can't talk about it, you need to seek out a counselor who can teach you to communicate about these issues. And based off your other posts, you both need a lot of help in the communication department. 

    You may also have to face that fact that some people are just not sexually compatible. And if he isn't willing to work on his end, your choice is to suck it up and enjoy a mostly sexless life, or get a new partner. 
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    rvg22clg1213
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    My FH and I are a little older too (I'm 33, he's 40) but we make time for sex. You have to. You both have needs that have to be met, right? The best advice I can give you is to talk to him directly about this. And then get yourselves into counseling. 

  • Talked to him; all is good. Thanks ladies!
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  • OKay, well DH and I have gone more than a month without, and I was soooo worried that after we got married, it would get even less.  So we started doing something we used to do when we were just starting out as a couple, but had gotten out of the habit of doing- per DH suggestion- sleep naked.  And it has worked.  Even if we come to bed naked and not have sex, the snuggling is very sensual, a light caress as he is crawling out of bed to go get dressed, don't have time for it then, but now it's on both our minds, and it only takes a few days to get the heat turned up. 
    I want a love like Johnny & June!
    thefuturemrshawksmaryemoo
  • Sleeping naked together is the best :) Try it! If you don't feel sensual or sexual towards each other than that's a serious issue. You should go somewhere and get help before you get negative effects in your marriage.
    miaawallace
  • I would say have him talk to his doctor about low T.  If he doesn't have the urge to have sex it might be a medical issue and it could affect how he approaches it (not remembering what you like). 
    doeydo
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Pre-dating, he was a 42 year old virgin
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    doeydoCristin343ronaldmickensHisBestBirthdayGift
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