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When is going to happen?

jjhollowayjjholloway member
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
I love my BF. He's an amazing man and I knew he was the one the first time we meet. Since then he has told me I'm going to marry you one day. However, he hasn't propose and is driving me crazy. He want me to start planning the wedding and he actually set a day for it but no proposal. I feel stupid getting exciting planning for a wedding and I have not been propose. I can't even tell anybody because I feel ridiculous saying I'm getting marry when the first thing people do is look at my finger and see no ring. I'm so overwhelm and sad planning for this wedding. It doesn't feel real to me without the ring. I know he wants to marry me, we have been looking at venues, making guest list, and planning the menu but still I'm not sure what is he waiting for. I'm sorry I just need it to vent.
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Re: When is going to happen?

  • jjhollowayjjholloway member
    First Comment
    I have talk to him and his response is "I want to get the ring you deserve" for that he need to work a lifetime and I told him the only thing I want is him. I'm simple but he things I deserve a humongous ring. I guess I just need to relax a little and let things happen. I think I just don't want to get disappointment with all this. I was marry before but never had a proposal or at actual wedding, for me now is special, this man is amazing and I want the whole proposal-wedding experience.
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  • msryann313msryann313 member
    First Comment
    I totally understand how you feel. My BF and I moved in together 6 months into the relationship. He calls my daughter his and I call his son mine. He tells me all the time that I'm the only woman he wants, and that he's going to marry me one day. When I ask him what is he doing now that he can't do with me as his wife all he says is that he needs me to be patient. We've been together 3 years and I'm ready to change me last name. As well as my daughters. 
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  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    @bethsmiles is wise. 

    As far as I see it you have 2 options:

    1) Forget the having a fancy proposal and having an engagement ring. If you and your SO are actively planning a wedding together then tell people you are engaged, if they are rude enough to ask about the lack of ring tell them that you've decided to put the money towards other things. If the lack of ring bugs you THAT much see if you can't find a costume ring to use a stand in. 

    2) If not having a 'real' proposal and engagement ring is that important to you, then you need to STOP ALL PLANNING, sit your SO down and explain why its important to you to have those things. If the cost of the ring is the hold up then look at some 'non traditional' options: many ladies on here have lab created diamonds, sapphires or heirloom diamonds/rings. Talk about getting a more 'cost effective' ring now, with the ability to 'upgrade' later. If this is that important to you then you HAVE to find a way to communicate that to your SO. Don't resume planning until you have resolved this issue. 

    I'll just add that a few years back a married woman came on the boards asking 'when will it happen' b/c she and her H did what you did, she just assumed that the big fancy proposal would come some time before the wedding. It never did. She was so upset that her H never "proposed" that she let it ruin her wedding and was letting it ruin her marriage. Don't be that woman...



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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Two questions.  Genuinely NOT trying to be snarky.

    1.  How old are you?
    2.  Is English your first language?

    image

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  • bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I can see your confusion! He says that he wants to marry you some day, and is telling you to start planning a wedding...yet he hasn't "officially" asked you. When you've questioned him about it, he said that he wants to hold off until he can get you the ring he believes you deserve. Maybe your next question to him should be, "are we engaged?" because as of now I see it as being up in the air. That being said proposals are different and unique to each couple. I find that at the end of the day as long as you are saying yes to the man you love, the way he asks is irrelevant. I understand wanting a ring, but as PPs said, you should probably hold off on the planning if having a ring is a requirement for you. I also ditto with PPs (especially with @lennonkdc) that you should have a conversation with your BF (FI?) to explain your feelings and to provide clarity as to whether or not you are engaged.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I don't think your boyfriend sounds all that amazing, honestly.

    You say: I don't care about a huge ring. We can be engaged without one. (Very reasonable!)
    He says: NOOOO YOU NEED A RING I NEED TO GET YOU THE BEST RING or we can't be engaged at all. (Not really very reasonable.)
    You say: Okay, then we're not engaged, so we're not planning a wedding. (Makes sense!)
    He says: Um no, here's when we're getting married BY THE WAY and so you need to plan this wedding. (Makes zero sense!)

    Either you are engaged (which does not require that HE proposes to you--it doesn't have to be like a rom com), with OR without a ring, and then you can plan the wedding, or you are NOT engaged and you are NOT planning the wedding.

    It's okay if he wants to get you The Nicest Ring Ever, but it's very troubling that he's ignoring your wants and needs, and insisting that he can't propose until he has the Most Perfectest Ring, which he will never be able to afford.

    Stay in your comfort zone. Don't plan anything. Tell him what you want and need, and stand firm.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @Phira is wise. Listen to her advice.


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  • tuarceathatuarceatha member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    loves2shop4shoes said:
    Two questions.  Genuinely NOT trying to be snarky.

    1.  How old are you?
    2.  Is English your first language?
    This made me laugh.

    Just being honest.
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  • raeah219raeah219 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    loves2shop4shoes said:
    Two questions.  Genuinely NOT trying to be snarky.

    1.  How old are you?
    2.  Is English your first language?
    This is so rude and mean and has nothing to do with the question she asked. 
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  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    raeah219 said:
    loves2shop4shoes said:
    Two questions.  Genuinely NOT trying to be snarky.

    1.  How old are you?
    2.  Is English your first language?
    This is so rude and mean and has nothing to do with the question she asked. 
    How is it rude and mean?



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  • jjhollowayjjholloway member
    First Comment
    My age and language has nothing to do with what I wrote in here. I just wanted to vent and express myself and hear from other ladies what they think about my situation. I greatly appreciate the advices you ladies have posted in here. Thank you!
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  • OnceUponAVineOnceUponAVine member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    My boyfriend has told me he was going to marry since about 3 months into our relationship (we've been together 1.5 years) but no ring yet. While we occasionally mention things we'd like to see in our future wedding/honeymoon/house/parenting I definitely would not start planning a wedding until I am engaged.
    Now, whether engaged involves a ring is a personal thing but for me it does. And it seems like being engaged to you means having a ring on your finger. You may just need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that you're not comfortable planning a wedding without an official engagement. It may not be your or his dream ring but you can always remind him that he can upgrade your ring at a later point if he feels the need.
    Hope that helps!
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