Worried about flower girl and ring bearer

Re: Worried about flower girl and ring bearer

• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2013

  You know you don't have to have a flower girl and/or ring bearer right?  They aren't required roles that need to be filled.

  
  

  But since you said that you pretty much promised the spots to the niece and nephew then you are pretty much stuck.  You just need to trust the parents of the niece and nephew to take care of their kids and if they start acting up to remove them from the ceremony.  Also, be prepared that one or both will not make it down the aisle due to pre-ceremony tantrums and the like.

  
  

  When you include kids in your wedding you need to be relaxed and kind of go with the flow about things going wrong because there is no guarantee how a kid or kids are going to act.

  
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  October 2013

  Ditto Maggie.  My sister just married on Friday and my nephew who was 3 refused to walk down the aisle (even during practice) with his brother and other cousin.  It really depends on the kids.  But if you've promised them the spots, you can't back out now.  But if they are just assuming their kids will be RB and FG, then don't say anything and don't have any kids be in your WP.

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2013

  If you've made them promises that they're going to be your flower girl and ring bearer, then you have to follow through and allow that they may have meltdowns or otherwise not make it down the aisle.  If you didn't actually make them promises but are letting their parents believe that you're going to ask them, you can clarify that you're not going to do so.  It may still result in unwanted family drama, but at least you won't have to deal with any angst stemming from whether or not the kids perform as you want.
  
  3-year-olds are about the youngest age it makes any sense to have someone as a flower girl or ring bearer.
  

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• katieg520 member

  

  October 2013

  I don't think she said she promised, she said there was an assumption there because they were the only kids in her FI's family. She said she "all but promised." That does not equal a promise, in my book.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2013

  I vote for skip flower girl & ring boy. As cute as they are, if they are hungry, tired, or just don't want to cooperate, it's something you have to deal with on your wedding day that isn't necessary. But if you are concerned about them feeling included, if you are doing bubbles or something else during your exit, maybe they can help hand those out. 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  October 2013

  Unless you have verbally agreed to have them in your WP, skip this. Nobody needs to fill these roles. DH and I had a kid-free wedding w/o a FG or RB. It would have been cute, but totally unnecessary.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  katieg520 said:

  I don't think she said she promised, she said there was an assumption there because they were the only kids in her FI's family. She said she "all but promised." That does not equal a promise, in my book.
  

  I think it depends on what was actually said to the niece and nephew and their parents.  The OP and her FI may not have said straight out "We'd like you to be our flower girl and ring bearer," but still may have said something that created expectations on their parts that they would be asked to fill these roles.  If they did that, they might be stuck, not because they actually made a promise, but because not doing it might create family drama they don't need.  If they didn't do that, then I agree, they aren't committed and can freely decline to have them in their wedding party.
  

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• erinlin25 member

  

  October 2013

  my ring bearer was 3 and my flower girl was shy of 2... they did fine.  Were they perfect, no way, but did it matter-- Nope!  I still got married and they loved the attention.  It gave us fun memories too.  I'm a little confused as "all but promised" as well-- did you ask their parents yet/has it been mentioned to them at all? Or was it just you and fiance talking about it as a possibility?  If they even have word that they "might" get the role, you need to follow up with the job.  Just have a back up plan and be OK with the possibility that they may not be "perfect." 
  
   
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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