Ceremony followed by Cake and Punch and then a sit down dinner later?

futurepastorswife · October 2013

It is okay to do the ceremony at the church, followed by cake and punch for everyone and then a smaller full dinner/dancing later at another location?

Just trying to figure out how to have everyone we want at the ceremony without making Emily Post roll in her grave...

manateehugger · October 2013

No - this is a tiered reception to me. Why aren't you willing to feed all your guests and give them all dinner? Everyone shows up to watch your ceremony the same way, everyone should get the same reception thank you.

ETA: Why not just do cake and punch and then informally let everyone know that you'll be at X bar at 10pm if they'd like to join?

NYCMercedes · October 2013

It is okay to do the ceremony at the church, followed by cake and punch for everyone and then a smaller full dinner/dancing later at another location?

Just trying to figure out how to have everyone we want at the ceremony without making Emily Post roll in her grave...

There's only two ways I could see this not being a tiered reception wedding. The first is if your dinner and dancing is just you, FI, the four parents, and maybe your MOH and best man. Like, maybe eight or ten people only. Otherwise, if you invite 200 to the church and 100 to dinner and dancing, you have a tiered reception. Imagine if one of the 100 select were talking to one of the 100 non-select about transportation or directions, or some such thing. The second person would be hurt and insulted. There's no way you can keep a large second reception a secret. The second way is if you were to invite the whole congregation via the church bulletin or newsletter. As long as they have no formal invitation, then a short cake reception at the church would be appropriate before a formal reception later for your invited guests. If you're thinking of something other than these two scenarios, then you're talking an inappropriate tiered reception.

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

If you weren't having the dancing, I would think it would be fine do have cake and punch after your ceremony for everyone (this is your reception) if it's not at dinner time. Then have dinner with your parents, siblings, and bridal party after. That is fine etiquette wise, and probably common for people who have brunch or lunchtime weddings. But the dancing at the dinner portion makes it seem like you are having 2 receptions, and that seems tacky to me, and really rude for the people not invited to the dinner. How many people are we talking about, and what time were your planning on having your ceremony and cake and punch reception?

ETA: more information

futurepastorswife · October 2013

We are "thinking" afternoon 4pm? ceremony, but we are still looking for venues and nothing is nailed down yet...at all...I think I just need to wrap my head around what I want, what is really important and go from there.

MuppetOverlord · October 2013

If I go to a wedding at 4pm, I'm going to be hungry for dinner.

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

That is too late to have a cake and punch reception. At that time, you would be expected to serve dinner. If you want to do this, you need to have your ceremony earlier.

doeydo · October 2013

smorrissmith said:

It is okay to do the ceremony at the church, followed by cake and punch for everyone and then a smaller full dinner/dancing later at another location?

Just trying to figure out how to have everyone we want at the ceremony without making Emily Post roll in her grave...

No. That is a tiered reception and is quite rude.

smorrissmith said:

We are "thinking" afternoon 4pm? ceremony, but we are still looking for venues and nothing is nailed down yet...at all...I think I just need to wrap my head around what I want, what is really important and go from there.

That is too late for an afternoon cake and punch wedding to start. I would expect dinner and would be ravenous by the end of the reception or just leave early.

futurepastorswife · October 2013

Ok that idea is off the table. Thanks ya'll.

OliveOilsMom · October 2013

Going by your username, would the people going to the cake & punch reception be the members of your FI's church? As long as you have your ceremony earlier, like say 2 PM. Do not officially invite the church members, except for the normal blurb about upcoming marriage ceremonies at the church. I then think its ok to have the cake & punch, enough for any church members who attend and your official invitees. Then having only the official invitees go off about an hour or so later to the official reception.

delujm0 · October 2013

I'm going to ask a question based on your username: is the cake & punch intended to be provided for everyone who attends the ceremony, because you are assuming that church members will want to witnss the vows? If so, i think you're ok - only send invitations to people that are invited to everything though. a church is a public space, so anyone who wants to can show up for the ceremony. at the end of the ceremony (or in the program) you can mention the cake and punch so that everyone can partake. But i'd agree that you should start the ceremony by 2 so that the dinner/dancing reception will be around dinner time - otherwise people will be super hungry by the time it starts.

kimmieryan0406 · October 2013

I'm marrying a pastor's son in 18 days and the wedding ceremony is open to the entire church. This is a long established tradition that we were totally fine with, especially since the church members understand that not everyone is invited to the reception. We are doing cookies and punch downstairs for everyone as a thank you and to tide people over until dinner (ceremony is at 1pm, cocktail hour at the reception starts at 5pm). So you could always try something like this if you think there are church members who would like to see you get married, even if they aren't invited to the reception. If you think people will be offended that they are not invited to the reception, I would say don't do cake and punch after the ceremony. It will create issues.

LondonLisa · October 2013

kimmieryan0406 said:

I'm marrying a pastor's son in 18 days and the wedding ceremony is open to the entire church. This is a long established tradition that we were totally fine with, especially since the church members understand that not everyone is invited to the reception. We are doing cookies and punch downstairs for everyone as a thank you and to tide people over until dinner (ceremony is at 1pm, cocktail hour at the reception starts at 5pm). So you could always try something like this if you think there are church members who would like to see you get married, even if they aren't invited to the reception. If you think people will be offended that they are not invited to the reception, I would say don't do cake and punch after the ceremony. It will create issues.

That is a rather long gap! I would add some more substantial food than cookies and punch. Especially since it is a 1pm ceremony, that means people are getting ready at 11:30- driving to be there and in the church by 12:30/12:45. I would be starving by 5pm since it means your guests wouldn't eat until about 6 realistically. I would add some trays of cheese, breads, maybe a few salads so people could have a light lunch and not be famished by dinner time.

LiLe422 · October 2013

kimmieryan0406 said:

I'm marrying a pastor's son in 18 days and the wedding ceremony is open to the entire church. This is a long established tradition that we were totally fine with, especially since the church members understand that not everyone is invited to the reception. We are doing cookies and punch downstairs for everyone as a thank you and to tide people over until dinner (ceremony is at 1pm, cocktail hour at the reception starts at 5pm). So you could always try something like this if you think there are church members who would like to see you get married, even if they aren't invited to the reception. If you think people will be offended that they are not invited to the reception, I would say don't do cake and punch after the ceremony. It will create issues.

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I don't know about you, but cookies and punch would not "tide" me over until dinner. I imagine it is too late to move up your reception to immediately follow your ceremony?
To make your large gap a smidge less rude, you need to offer more substantial apps at the church. Cookies are not going to cut it.

kimmieryan0406 · October 2013

It's called a cookies and punch reception but it includes small sandwiches and appetizers. Sorry that I didn't clarify.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

@kimmieryan0406 - Is it too late to change your schedule of events? The reason I ask is because having a gap that lasts for several hours (sounds like yours is about 3 hours) is very rude even if you are serving cookies/sandwiches/punch. My recommendation to get rid of your gap would be one of two things:

1) have your ceremony at 12pm and then have a lunch reception.

2) have your ceremony at 4:30pm, do your cocktail hour and dinner reception at 5pm as planned.

SP29 · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

2) have your ceremony at 4:30pm, do your cocktail hour and dinner reception at 5pm as planned.

But Kimmie is also having a small reception to thank those who came to the ceremony from her church. In this case, ceremony should be earlier to allow an hour for "cookies and punch" prior to her dinner reception.

But I do agree that even with cookies and punch, that is a very large gap between 1pm ceremony and 5pm reception.

Ceremony followed by Cake and Punch and then a sit down dinner later?

Re: Ceremony followed by Cake and Punch and then a sit down dinner later?

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