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Acquaintences as professional hires and invites

heatheremandersonheatheremanderson member
10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey fellow knotties.

My photographer is an acquaintance (my best friend's friend that I am friendly with). I am paying her as we are in a contract (albeit a reduced contract due to the friends/family discount) but am unsure how to approach this factor. She had mentioned in passing at our engagement photos that her and her husbands can't wait to come. I really had no intention of inviting her husband to the wedding (keeping it to under 60). As she is technically an 'employee', am I required to invite her husbands as well?
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Re: Acquaintences as professional hires and invites

  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Is he acting as her assistant or second shooter? It is fairly common for them to have an assistant, but it should say in your contract. GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • heatheremandersonheatheremanderson member
    10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    No - he is not acting as her second shooter (it is not written in the contract). It is more a situation of her never being far from her husband (attached at the hip_
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If he isn't performing professional work, then no, she has no business expecting him to attend if he is not invited.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited October 2013
    heatheremanderson said:
    Hey fellow knotties.

    My photographer is an acquaintance (my best friend's friend that I am friendly with). I am paying her as we are in a contract (albeit a reduced contract due to the friends/family discount) but am unsure how to approach this factor. She had mentioned in passing at our engagement photos that her and her husbands can't wait to come. I really had no intention of inviting her husband to the wedding (keeping it to under 60). As she is technically an 'employee', am I required to invite her husbands as well?
    You are not inviting this acquaintance....she is being hired.  So no, her husband does not get invited. 

    ETA: Mixing business with family/friends/acquaintenances often doesn't work well.....I try and always keep them separate.
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    She's not a guest, she's there to work. And besides, why would she want him there when she'll be busy doing her job? Photographers don't have time to do anything but take photos. If they do, they're probably not very good. 
    image
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  • deannagirlydeannagirly member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    She's there under a contract. She's getting paid. She shouldn't get an invitation, invitations are for guest. She's there because she has a contract to be at a certain place at a certain time. Therefor, no, you do not need to send an invitation for her and her husband. Unless he is acting as part of a photography team with her, he does not need to be there. Although it is polite to feed your staff at  your wedding, you are not required to. It is just a simple courtesy if you choose to. So, for her to assume that she can bring a guest is quite rude.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I agree with PP, unless he is her assistanct and/or second shooter, there is no need for him to be there. She is a vendor, not a guest.

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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Jen4948 said:
    If he isn't performing professional work, then no, she has no business expecting him to attend if he is not invited.
    This is my opinion too. Unless he's her second photographer. You might have to ask her if she's bringing a second photographer and who it is. I'm hiring an acquaintance for my photographer too. Just her and her second shooter will be there.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Nope. I've shot weddings for friends before. If you are the designated tog (and you are any good), you don't have much downtime. In this case, she's a paid vendor. That means she is "at work," not on a date. It'd be like you showing up at your new husband's workplace and hanging out there all day because you two "couldn't bear to be separated." If you did not hire her spouse as part of the arrangement, there is no reason for him to be invited.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I'm assuming that your photographer is a mere acquaintance is under the impression that they are there strictly to work and aren't expecting an invitation? I imagine that would be covered in the contract?

    Working with friends and family can make things a bit sticky if lines aren't clearly drawn. It could be that your friend knows that she is being paid to be your photographer but may have also gotten the impression that she was also going to be invited to the wedding as a guest. This could get a bit hairy. I've done design work for friends and have been paid to do that, but I was also either in the wedding or a guest, but I was also good friends with those people, and I never assumed I was invited just because I did the work for them unless they asked me as a favor/wedding gift, and knew I wasn't getting paid for it. You may need to have a conversation with your photographer clarifying that you are intending for her to be there to take the photos, as a client/vendor thing, and usually because vendors are busy working, there wouldn't be any reason for them to have a plus one.2

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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    deannagirly said:

    She's there under a contract. She's getting paid. She shouldn't get an invitation, invitations are for guest. She's there because she has a contract to be at a certain place at a certain time. Therefor, no, you do not need to send an invitation for her and her husband. Unless he is acting as part of a photography team with her, he does not need to be there. Although it is polite to feed your staff at  your wedding, you are not required to. It is just a simple courtesy if you choose to. So, for her to assume that she can bring a guest is quite rude.

    You should feed your photog and any other vendor who will be working the wedding through meal time. Most vendors have it in their contract that they are feed or you have to let them leave to get dinner.

    For the OP, I would talk to her and see if he is coming as an assistant or 2nd photog. If he isn't coming as part of the photog business, tell her that you are sorry for the misunderstanding but her husband isn't an invited guest as she is a hired vendor.

    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    No, you don't need to invite him or provide a meal. If you think this may happen, you want to have that conversation early, especially if you are friendly with this person.

    For my first wedding, the DJ brought his wife. There was no discussion about this, she was not on the contract. She was never mentioned to me that I needed a meal for her. The venue automatically added a meal for her and charged me $50 that I really wanted to deduct from their final check but because this guy was a friend of my uncle's, we decided against it.

    For this wedding, my photographer brought a second shooter. I did not know about this until the day of the wedding, he wasn't in my contract and I didn't pay extra for him (which was an option). He filled up the meal from a no show but I would've been delighted to pay extra for him for what i was getting! It was a super awesome surprise.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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  • heatheremandersonheatheremanderson member
    10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I have no problem feeding my vendors. Thankfully my location actually allows x amount of free dinners for vendors. That is for vendors only. I appreciate all the advise. I will have a frank but polite conversation. As we are paying for the wedding ourselves, I am sure she will be understanding.

    Thanks guys.
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