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Open House Reception - ettiquette

futureMrsCENfutureMrsCEN member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We are doing a destination wedding in January 2014 and would like to do an Open House Reception (OHR) post wedding for the many people that are not able to attend. However with living in a cold climate and trying to keep it extremely budget friendly were thinking of outdoors in the spring/summer to follow the wedding. Is there a duration of time that is too big of a gap between the wedding and the OHR? I just worry it is weird if we wait too long that we will have seen everyone in-between and no one will actually attend the OHR. 

Side note, this is my second wedding, his first, we are in or near 40 yrs old and are not registering as we do not want gifts. We noted on our website that people NEEDING to git a gift, please donate to a specific charity. 

Thanks for any advice!!! 
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Re: Open House Reception - ettiquette

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    ashleyepashleyep member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    So are you having this for people you don't want to invite to your wedding? Or for people that can't make it? If so, why can't they make it?

    I guess I'm just not sure that a second reception is necessary. 
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    futureMrsCENfutureMrsCEN member
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    We are having the reception for people that cannot attend. It is a destination wedding that FI and I wanted, however family was less than happy with our decision. So this is our way of "celebrating" with them after the fact. Everyone that will  be invited to this OHR was given a Save the Date a year in advance of the wedding and also an invite, many are not attending due to cost, etc. 
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    AroundTheBlockAroundTheBlock member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    futureMrsCEN said:
    We are doing a destination wedding in January 2014 and would like to do an Open House Reception (OHR) post wedding for the many people that are not able to attend. However with living in a cold climate and trying to keep it extremely budget friendly were thinking of outdoors in the spring/summer to follow the wedding. Is there a duration of time that is too big of a gap between the wedding and the OHR? I just worry it is weird if we wait too long that we will have seen everyone in-between and no one will actually attend the OHR. 

    Side note, this is my second wedding, his first, we are in or near 40 yrs old and are not registering as we do not want gifts. We noted on our website that people NEEDING to git a gift, please donate to a specific charity. 

    Thanks for any advice!!! 

    Standard etiquette has no hard-and-fast rule about when you may hold your first party as a married couple, and also has no hard-and-fast rule about whom you may invite to your first party. It does however have some general rules that you should consider:

    As you learned in kindergarten, it is bad manners to talk about a party in front of friends who were not invited. So while you may invite anyone you wish, you will want to avoid letting your destination wedding that they didn't attend be a main focus or subject of conversation. Your plans for your future are a better focus for the party, than your glory of the past season. So do not show your slides of your destination wedding. Just enjoy your company and make sure they enjoy the party too.

    As for timing, your first party will be your first party regardless of when you have it. It would look funny if you waited over a year, but waiting until the snow is off the ground is perfectly acceptable.

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    futureMrsCENfutureMrsCEN member
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    I wanted to elope with no party, fan fare, whatever... FI wanted to invite family to a destination wedding with the idea that those who needed to be there would find a way to afford it. FMIL wanted us to have a reception of some sort when we got back so that family that couldn't afford to attend or whatever other reason couldn't attend could still celebrate with us. With this we invited everyone to the wedding in Mexico and aside from FI best man who is his cousin the only other family that is going is his mom. Also there will not be a traditional reception at the wedding in Mexico, just a dinner with the 15 or so people that will be there in a public restaurant at the resort.

    I would be happy to skip the whole OHR but feel that I should be somewhat accomidating to my new "family". I understand the point of a reception is to thank your guests for coming to the wedding so while I agree this isn't the case, is there a way to try to accomidate his family? Something in our house wouldn't work as he has many aunts/uncles/cousins and we have a small house. This was why waiting for the weather to be nice so we could have it outdoors is the better option... if there really is a better option. 


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    SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Is FMIL in a housing position to host a open house in Feb? Someone else in the family?  If not I would simply explain to anyone who asks that that this is the choice you made and you are sticking to it.  You simply explain to anyone who asks that you aren't in a position to host that kind of event but if someone wanted to throw such a party for you that you would help.  You can always plan to host a non wedding related family get together in the summer just because. 
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    shanmck1shanmck1 member
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    as a guest at one of my best friends weddings growing up, she had gotten married at the JP and had a reception at a hall, she wore her dress and everything. to me, it was just as if she got married that day, just that I didn't go to the ceremony. if its something you want, go for it, its your day, you make the rules
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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    shanmck1 said:
    as a guest at one of my best friends weddings growing up, she had gotten married at the JP and had a reception at a hall, she wore her dress and everything. to me, it was just as if she got married that day, just that I didn't go to the ceremony. if its something you want, go for it, its your day, you make the rules
    Nooooooooo! 

    To the OP, I don't see an issue with having a party of sorts for family to celebrate you and FH as new husband and wife, as long as it isn't a re-do reception. If FMIL is willing to host the event at her house, I would accept, as long as she isn't expecting you to do a first dance, to a garter and bouquet toss, for example. As a way to catch up with family and meet everyone as FI's new wife, sounds quite nice otherwise. 
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    cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    You can have the party whenever, just don't do anything wedding related.  No big white dress, no WP, no spotlight dances and no wedding cake.
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    futureMrsCENfutureMrsCEN member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I am going to have FI speak with FMIL regarding the OHR and explain etiquette in that a reception is a way to thank people for coming to the wedding and in this case that wouldn't apply. If she is feeling like we still need to have a party then she can host something herself. 

    Down the line if we choose to have a party at our place we will, I'm just deciding that this isn't worth the hassle and had I wanted to deal with this we would have just got married here with the church and the reception. BUT this is our wedding and we will have it the way we want which means getting married in Mexico in Spanish (as that is how they do it legally) and eat a nice meal with those who are choosing to attend. And for those that didn't attend or couldn't they can invite us out for dinner or over to their house for dinner or send a card, or call us on the phone to congratulate us, or do nothing. The choice is theirs.  

    Thanks for all the input, I really appreciate it!
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    novodcanovodca member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    futureMrsCEN said:

    I am going to have FI speak with FMIL regarding the OHR and explain etiquette in that a reception is a way to thank people for coming to the wedding and in this case that wouldn't apply. If she is feeling like we still need to have a party then she can host something herself. 


    Down the line if we choose to have a party at our place we will, I'm just deciding that this isn't worth the hassle and had I wanted to deal with this we would have just got married here with the church and the reception. BUT this is our wedding and we will have it the way we want which means getting married in Mexico in Spanish (as that is how they do it legally) and eat a nice meal with those who are choosing to attend. And for those that didn't attend or couldn't they can invite us out for dinner or over to their house for dinner or send a card, or call us on the phone to congratulate us, or do nothing. The choice is theirs.  

    Thanks for all the input, I really appreciate it!
    I am in a nearly identical situation. Maybe I will have to take this same approach with my FMIL

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