Future sister in law wants to use the same venue... help!

Re: Future sister in law wants to use the same venue... help!

• VarunaTT member

  

  October 2013

  "stout3802 said:

   brand new to the 'venue business' ...a rustic barn setting where we can have our ceremony and reception all in one place. So, this is not a local place where everyone and their cousin gets married."

  
  

  But it's going to be.  

  
  

  Rustic barn ceremonies aren't anything new either.

  
  

  I bet you're going to wear a white dress too, how dare she steal that idea!

  
  

  Give up having a "unique" style wedding and realize it's unique b/c it's you and your grooms.  Honestly, that's the only thing that's ever unique about 85% of any wedding.  Be excited for your future SIL, plan your own wedding and let it go.

  �

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  October 2013

  Team Varuna. 
  
  And you've made yourself physically ill over this?  Get a grip.  Please...For your sake, your FI's, and your SIL's.
  

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• doeydo member

  

  October 2013

  You don't own the venue, and they have every right to use it just like any other couple can.  They were nice and even asked you if it would both you and you replied "I guess not" which basically gave them the green light.  Yes, the photography might have the same background, but your weddings overall will be different. 

  
  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  October 2013

  stout3802 said:

  I need some advice. I have myself physically sick over this whole situation. I am in the process of planning a wedding for an August 2014 wedding. I have done my absolute best to try to find things/places that will make my wedding unique, and not just your run-of-the-mill wedding. Back when I first got engaged, I decided that I wouldn't settle on just any wedding venue, and wanted to find somewhere no one has heard of. After researching for months and gathering information from over 30 different places, I finally found my venue! It is a few hours away, and brand new to the 'venue business' ...a rustic barn setting where we can have our ceremony and reception all in one place. So, this is not a local place where everyone and their cousin gets married. 
  My future sister in law (brother's brother and his fiance) originally told me that they would be getting married on the beach, but a few weeks ago (months after we have already booked this venue) asked us in front of his parents if it would bother us and said that they weren't serious about it. (What am I supposed to say? Shouldn't this have been a private conversation??) I (trying to be nice) said 'I guess not...' Boy, do I regret that.
  I just went on instagram last night.. just to see that she has posted a picture of our venue with the caption 'cant wait to see my dream wedding venue.' Which, of course, sparked a ton of comments from her friends about how perfect it is for her and her simply responding with 'thanks ladies!' 
  Now, I fully understand that this is a public venue and that anyone has the right to book it, but isn't this a little strange/rude for my future sister in law to do? Our pictures will be very similar, and being that it's a certain style.. the wedding inevitably will be too. The only positive this about it is that hers will be after mine, but I cant help but not take this as flattery.. I'm extremely annoyed by it! Please help.

  JIC.

  �

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• hmonkey member

  

  October 2013

  have your wedding, burn the venue to the ground after the reception.

  
  

  

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• dharmabunny member

  

  October 2013

  You know, a morgue is totally yooneek. And when the officiant asks "if anyone objects, please speak now, or forever hold their peace", you won't hear a peep. Hopefully.
  
  Or an IRS auditors office. That's unique too.
  
  Supermax prison? The Unabomber, from what I heard, looks especially dapper in a tux. Looooooves the sparklers.
  
  HTH!!!!

  

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• stout3802 member

  

  October 2013

  Well, I never once said I owned the venue, in fact, quite the opposite. So, rudeness from any of you really isn't appreciated. I'm not asking to be slapped in the face, I'm asking for advice. 
  
  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  October 2013

  YOU GOT ADVICE.
  

  
  

  "Give up having a "unique" style wedding and realize it's unique b/c it's you and your grooms.  Honestly, that's the only thing that's ever unique about 85% of any wedding.  Be excited for your future SIL, plan your own wedding and let it go."
  

  
  

  "Get a grip.  Please...For your sake, your FI's, and your SIL's. "

  
  

  "...they have every right to use it just like any other couple can"

  
  

  I worry about the reading comprehension levels in this country.

  �

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• VarunaTT member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  Also, no, it's not strange or rude for your future SIL to be looking at it/thinking about it/renting it and you're wrong to be annoyed.  

  
  

  Advice =  Get over it.

  
  

  Clear enough?

  �

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• GBCK member

  

  October 2013

  stout3802 said:

  Well, I never once said I owned the venue, in fact, quite the opposite. So, rudeness from any of you really isn't appreciated. I'm not asking to be slapped in the face, I'm asking for advice. 
  
  

  You were actually, IMO, remarkably un-beebeeish for the original question, considering the content of the question.

  
  

  That said, what POSSIBLE advice is there to give?

  Your options are:

  1-get over it, in spite of your annoyance 

  2-tell her not to do it (which, since you rather 'missed' your window to do that and she has already spread the 'lookit this venue *squee!*' information about, is likely to cause a lot of blowback)
  3-die mad

  
  

  I'm not really seeing an option 4 here.

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• delujm0 member

  

  October 2013

  If she is getting married BEFORE you and is using your venue, knowing that she's FSIL and therefore you will have a fair amount of guest overlap, I would have told her in the beginning that yes, that would bother me, and no, i'm not cool with it, so that this wouldn't happn.  But you didn't mention that on here, so I'm assuming her wedding is after yours.

   

  If she's getting married after you, who cares.  She can't upstage you if you're the first one in there.  I guarantee you that thousands of brides will eventually get married in that same venue in the coming years.  Forget about being unique and think only about the details you want in your own dream wedding.  Even if other people have done them first.

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• mrsbizzz member

  

  October 2013

  stout3802 said:

  I need some advice. I have myself physically sick over this whole situation. I am in the process of planning a wedding for an August 2014 wedding. I have done my absolute best to try to find things/places that will make my wedding unique, and not just your run-of-the-mill wedding. Back when I first got engaged, I decided that I wouldn't settle on just any wedding venue, and wanted to find somewhere no one has heard of. After researching for months and gathering information from over 30 different places, I finally found my venue! It is a few hours away, and brand new to the 'venue business' ...a rustic barn setting where we can have our ceremony and reception all in one place. So, this is not a local place where everyone and their cousin gets married. 
  My future sister in law (brother's brother and his fiance) originally told me that they would be getting married on the beach, but a few weeks ago (months after we have already booked this venue) asked us in front of his parents if it would bother us and said that they weren't serious about it. (What am I supposed to say? Shouldn't this have been a private conversation??) I (trying to be nice) said 'I guess not...' Boy, do I regret that.
  I just went on instagram last night.. just to see that she has posted a picture of our venue with the caption 'cant wait to see my dream wedding venue.' Which, of course, sparked a ton of comments from her friends about how perfect it is for her and her simply responding with 'thanks ladies!' 
  Now, I fully understand that this is a public venue and that anyone has the right to book it, but isn't this a little strange/rude for my future sister in law to do? Our pictures will be very similar, and being that it's a certain style.. the wedding inevitably will be too. The only positive this about it is that hers will be after mine, but I cant help but not take this as flattery.. I'm extremely annoyed by it! Please help.

  I also don't understand the bolded. Your brother's brother?
  

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• PolarBearFitz member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  
  
  This cannot be serious...your FSIL called the venue her 'dream wedding venue' that's pretty flattering considering you located it! They were courteous enough to ask your opinion of the matter and you could have said it bothered you. Instead you lied to save face and are sick over it? Why not be honest? Or just be kind and continue on planning your event? Sorry that seems like a silly detail to be upset over...
  
  Advice: Let it go and be happy for them. Make your wedding the colors and decor you like and move on. Your wedding will be reflective of you and your FI not of your FSIL and her FI.
  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  October 2013

  I have 4 daughter's.  By next Summer 3 of them will have had their receptions at exactly the same venue.  There are a LOT of venues around here as they have gotten married in the capital city of our state.  Once guests are in the door they haven't seen anything alike yet.  Different vibes, different decor, different colors.

  
  

  The venue you have chose does WEDDINGS so many  others will go there also.  You are being ridiculous to be mad they want to have their reception there too.  Not ONE of my girls have had this concern as other sister's have chosen the same venue.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2013

  drmrs2014 said:

  stout3802 said:

  I need some advice. I have myself physically sick over this whole situation. I am in the process of planning a wedding for an August 2014 wedding. I have done my absolute best to try to find things/places that will make my wedding unique, and not just your run-of-the-mill wedding. Back when I first got engaged, I decided that I wouldn't settle on just any wedding venue, and wanted to find somewhere no one has heard of. After researching for months and gathering information from over 30 different places, I finally found my venue! It is a few hours away, and brand new to the 'venue business' ...a rustic barn setting where we can have our ceremony and reception all in one place. So, this is not a local place where everyone and their cousin gets married. 
  My future sister in law (brother's brother and his fiance) originally told me that they would be getting married on the beach, but a few weeks ago (months after we have already booked this venue) asked us in front of his parents if it would bother us and said that they weren't serious about it. (What am I supposed to say? Shouldn't this have been a private conversation??) I (trying to be nice) said 'I guess not...' Boy, do I regret that.
  I just went on instagram last night.. just to see that she has posted a picture of our venue with the caption 'cant wait to see my dream wedding venue.' Which, of course, sparked a ton of comments from her friends about how perfect it is for her and her simply responding with 'thanks ladies!' 
  Now, I fully understand that this is a public venue and that anyone has the right to book it, but isn't this a little strange/rude for my future sister in law to do? Our pictures will be very similar, and being that it's a certain style.. the wedding inevitably will be too. The only positive this about it is that hers will be after mine, but I cant help but not take this as flattery.. I'm extremely annoyed by it! Please help.

  I also don't understand the bolded. Your brother's brother?
  

  Good catch.  Wouldn't that make her your FH FSIL not your FSIL but rather your BIL wife?  For her to be your FSIL then she would have to be the sister of your FH not the FI of your FH brother.

  
  

  I mean you can call her your FSIL if you would like but you aren't actually going to be related to her.
  

  
  

  Right?

  
  

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• Vivandiere8 member

  

  October 2013

  I can understand some annoyance, but I think you just have to keep remembering that you are going to get to use it first. Your sister-in-law is the one who will have to worry about looking like a copy cat. everything you do will be unique to that location, at her wedding it will have been done. It is a place that will soon open up to many other weddings, and it isn't right to tell family they don't get to be among those future brides using the place. Personally if I was your sister in law I wouldn't have wanted to use it, but not because of offending you. I wouldn't have wanted to use it because I would want my own wedding to be new, fresh and different from the one everyone went to a few months before. Or is it that it will be an entirely different crowd at each wedding? Than it doesn't really matter. Either way take a breath, your wedding will be lovely! You have all the freedom for design! It won't be "that one barn where so and so got married". You will still be unique on your day. You are the one in the better position!
  

  
  

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• PirateBarbie member

  

  October 2013

  Musikalizzie said:

  If you wear a black dress, have a zucchini muffin for a wedding cake, serve shark meat for dinner, and walk into the ceremony to a Metallica song ---- then your wedding will be very unique... Otherwise, its going to be just like the rest of us. 

  ... just taking notes for a potential "vowel renewal"

  
  

  i was thinking of doing a soft pretzel and cheese theme, with a full roasted pig (with it's own entrance song - thinking something sung by Miss Piggy), and having it underwater, but do you mind if i steal your zucchini muffin idea?

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• PolarBearFitz member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  PirateBarbie said:

  Musikalizzie said:

  If you wear a black dress, have a zucchini muffin for a wedding cake, serve shark meat for dinner, and walk into the ceremony to a Metallica song ---- then your wedding will be very unique... Otherwise, its going to be just like the rest of us. 

  ... just taking notes for a potential "vowel renewal"

  
  

  i was thinking of doing a soft pretzel and cheese theme, with a full roasted pig (with it's own entrance song - thinking something sung by Miss Piggy), and having it underwater, but do you mind if i steal your zucchini muffin idea?

  
  @PirateBarbie I have a recipe for zucchini tater tots with cheese if you want it.
   
  
  
  
  

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• NerdyLucy member

  

  October 2013

  I don't see the problem.

  Officially hitched as of 10/25/13

  

   

  

   

   

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