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Etiquette

Gift question

My in laws were invited to my siblings wedding, but declined to come.  They still have not sent a wedding gift.  Is there a tactful way of bringing this up, or should I just leave it alone?

Re: Gift question

  • Uhhh - what are you going to say, "When are you going to spend money on my siblings?"

    Wedding gifts are never required. 
    image
    doeydoBlue_Birdmelbelleups-aries8990
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    They were not required to send a gift in the first place, even if they did attend...
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    Blue_Birdmelbelleup
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My in laws were invited to my siblings wedding, but declined to come.  They still have not sent a wedding gift.  Is there a tactful way of bringing this up, or should I just leave it alone?
    Just leave it.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Seriously?  They're not obligated in any way to send a wedding gift (nor would they be even if they had attended the wedding).  Wedding invitations are not invoices, believe it or not. 



    melbelleupBostonLilly12s-aries8990
  • There are any number of reasons why they might not have given a gift, but none of them are your business.  Assume they have good, well intentioned reasons, even if it doesn't look like it and let it go.
    melbelleup
  • Just leave it alone.
    image 

  • nicoley81 said:
    My in laws were invited to my siblings wedding, but declined to come.  They still have not sent a wedding gift.  Is there a tactful way of bringing this up, or should I just leave it alone?
    They didn't go... they probably aren't close with your sibling.... why would they send a gift? Does your sibling give them a birthday card? gift for birthday? gift for christmas? if the answer is no, they definitely should not of sent a gift. It's not your business anyways.. 
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Woah, woah, woah. You are way out of line. Go ahead and ask them if you want to piss them off. They probably barely know your siblings and are in now way obligated to give a gift.

    melbelleups-aries8990
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Uh. Are you serious? 

    PolarBearFitzmelbelleuptabathafayeMyNameIsNot
  • Uh. Are you serious? 
    ^^^ This.

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    tabathafaye
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2013
    Just send them this. We all know cute signs are a great way to get what you want.

     
      image

  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    nicoley81 said:
    My in laws were invited to my siblings wedding, but declined to come.  They still have not sent a wedding gift.  Is there a tactful way of bringing this up, or should I just leave it alone?
    Unless you go over to your ILs' house and see a wrapped package marked "For nicoley81's sibling's wedding" and you're offering to transport it or mail it, it would be rude of you to even bring it up with them.

  • Thanks everyone!  I appreciate the response.  I realize that they are not obligated to get my sister a gift.  I brought it up because my sister and my parents gave gifts to my in-laws other children for their weddings and babies despite they fact that they were not invited to either their weddings or baby showers.  I thought it would be a nice gesture.  But, you are all right and it's not my place to get involved or to assume.  Thank you again for taking the time to reply.
    climbingwife
  • nicoley81 said:
    Thanks everyone!  I appreciate the response.  I realize that they are not obligated to get my sister a gift.  I brought it up because my sister and my parents gave gifts to my in-laws other children for their weddings and babies despite they fact that they were not invited to either their weddings or baby showers.  I thought it would be a nice gesture.  But, you are all right and it's not my place to get involved or to assume.  Thank you again for taking the time to reply.
    I wouldn't even say it is your sisters place to ask either. A gift is not mandatory at a wedding and she should be thankful for the ones she has received. 

    melbelleup
  • nicoley81 said:
    Thanks everyone!  I appreciate the response.  I realize that they are not obligated to get my sister a gift.  I brought it up because my sister and my parents gave gifts to my in-laws other children for their weddings and babies despite they fact that they were not invited to either their weddings or baby showers.  I thought it would be a nice gesture.  But, you are all right and it's not my place to get involved or to assume.  Thank you again for taking the time to reply.
    Why did they give gifts?  I'm guessing they aren't close to your in-laws since they weren't invited to any of those events.  Yes, it's a nice gesture but it's not something that most people do.  Your family should not have an expectation of other people going above and beyond just because they do.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    melbelleups-aries8990
  • Agreed- your family has gone above and beyond in the past by sending gifts. But gifts are never required. 
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    They have no obligation to send a gift, especially if they didn't even go to the wedding. Just because someone gives you a gift, doesn't mean you are required to reciprocate. This is one of my pet peeves. Someone should give a gift because they want to, not because they were invited to a wedding, or someone gave them a gift at an unrelated event.
    On another note, my FMIL insisted that my FI brother's in-laws be invited to our wedding, even though they don't know us and my FI only met them a few times.  They live out of state, and my FMIL says they won't come, so I hope they don't (I know that sounds awful) and I hope they don't get us a gift.
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  • nicoley81 said:
    Thanks everyone!  I appreciate the response.  I realize that they are not obligated to get my sister a gift.  I brought it up because my sister and my parents gave gifts to my in-laws other children for their weddings and babies despite they fact that they were not invited to either their weddings or baby showers.  I thought it would be a nice gesture.  But, you are all right and it's not my place to get involved or to assume.  Thank you again for taking the time to reply.
    Well, that's on them. They were under no obligation to give anything, and giving something JUST TO GET SOMETHING kind of defeats the whole purpose of a GIFT. Right?
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • nicoley81 said:
    Thanks everyone!  I appreciate the response.  I realize that they are not obligated to get my sister a gift.  I brought it up because my sister and my parents gave gifts to my in-laws other children for their weddings and babies despite they fact that they were not invited to either their weddings or baby showers.  I thought it would be a nice gesture.  But, you are all right and it's not my place to get involved or to assume.  Thank you again for taking the time to reply.
    Well, that's on them. They were under no obligation to give anything, and giving something JUST TO GET SOMETHING kind of defeats the whole purpose of a GIFT. Right?
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • nicoley81 said:
    Thanks everyone!  I appreciate the response.  I realize that they are not obligated to get my sister a gift.  I brought it up because my sister and my parents gave gifts to my in-laws other children for their weddings and babies despite they fact that they were not invited to either their weddings or baby showers.  I thought it would be a nice gesture.  But, you are all right and it's not my place to get involved or to assume.  Thank you again for taking the time to reply.
    It was a nice gesture of your family to give a gift, unless of course they did so with the expectation that there would be "return gifts" because then it wasn't really a gift, was it?

    The only thing you should say to anyone is to maybe mention to your sister that it's rather crass for her to be discussing her wedding gifts/guests who didn't give gifts/etc. with anyone.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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