Coworkers we are unable to invite

melbenso · November 2013

I work in a small office (9 people) within a larger company. We are on a tight budget for the wedding, so I am not inviting all of my coworkers or office mates, just the few that I am close friends with outside of work. However, I really like the people in my office and would have invited them if we had the budget. But once we factored in spouses it was just too much.

I would like to do something outside of the wedding for/with my coworkers who we are unable to invite to thank them for their support and friendship. Any suggestions?

misssunshine17 · November 2013

Skip it. People aren't into consolation prizes. Just mail invites to those you're close with and don't talk about your wedding in front of non- invited coworkers.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

Don't try to make up for not inviting certain people. It will come across as a consolation prize. People understand that you can't invite everyone that you want to.

IMO, working with such a small group of individuals I would say it is an all or nothing thing because people will talk and people's feelings will get hurt no matter how much you try to make up for it. Now if you said you worked in an office of 300 people then I would say invite who you want but when you only work with 9 people on a day to day basis I would say to try and make room in your budget for all of your co-workers.

climbingsingle · November 2013

misssunshine17 said:

Skip it. People aren't into consolation prizes. Just mail invites to those you're close with and don't talk about your wedding in front of non- invited coworkers.

This.

itzMS · November 2013

DH invited just a few coworkers, I invited none.

We didn't throw any "sorry you weren't invited" parties...and life was back to normal when we were back at work on Monday. Life goes on. No one cares about your wedding as much as you and your FI (honest truth...not meant to be mean).

Jen4948 · November 2013

Don't. If you can't invite them to your wedding, the truth is, they won't appreciate alternative means of "involving them" in it. So I'd stop the wedding talk in your office.

ashleyep · November 2013

Is it common to throw showers in your office? Maybe they'll throw you one and you can use that opportunity to celebrate with them. Other than that, there's not really anything you can do.

delujm0 · November 2013

With an office of only 9 people, i'd say if you're inviting more than 1 of them you should invite everyone. I mean if you're super close to one or MAYBE two people, and that is quite obvious to your other coworkers, you can get away with that...but if you decide to just invite 4 of them, the others might feel weird about it. FI works in an office with 4 other people (where the Boss is the father of two of FI's coworkers), we invited all of them (and their spouses), and also the Boss's other two adult children that don't work there (but that attend all of the office events) so that everyone would be included.

annathy03 · November 2013

The only thing I can think of that isn't offensive is to bring in a small cake to work when you return after your wedding.

climbingsingle · November 2013

I work in a really small office too - there are 6 of us. I'm only inviting 1. She's the only one I'm very close to and do social things with outside of work. The other 5 - I've never done anything social with outside of work; they're very professional relationships and that's it. I'm keeping it quiet that I'm only inviting one person and am not discussing any of my wedding plans while at work.

SP29 · November 2013

I think it depends on your relationship dynamics with everyone at work.

If you are inviting the co-workers you are because you are social with them outside of work, then it doesn't matter how many people you work with, because you are really inviting these people because they are your friends, not because they are your co-workers. In this case, I would no longer say "I am inviting 4 co-workers", I would say I am inviting 4 friends whom I happened to meet at work. Semantics, but it makes a difference for me. If I wasn't invited to your wedding (as a co-worker) but knew that those you did invite from work were your friends, it wouldn't bother me.

It would be different if you weren't social with these people outside of work and were then choosing to only invite some co-workers because you liked them versus others.

Be sure to send any invites to their homes and keep wedding talk out of the office.

As for the others, I don't think there is a way to celebrate them without making it feel like a consolation. Sure, taking someone out for lunch is never a bad idea, but how would you word it? "Hey, I want to take everyone out for lunch when I get back from my wedding!" "Why?" "Because I feel bad I couldn't invite you to it".... I dunno, just doesn't seem to work.

I think bringing in a cake casually or some goodies may be OK- I don't know too many people who would turn down free food. And if it is more casual it will seem less consolation prize, more work event.

BMoreBride6 · November 2013

SP29 said:

I think it depends on your relationship dynamics with everyone at work.

If you are inviting the co-workers you are because you are social with them outside of work, then it doesn't matter how many people you work with, because you are really inviting these people because they are your friends, not because they are your co-workers. In this case, I would no longer say "I am inviting 4 co-workers", I would say I am inviting 4 friends whom I happened to meet at work. Semantics, but it makes a difference for me. If I wasn't invited to your wedding (as a co-worker) but knew that those you did invite from work were your friends, it wouldn't bother me.

It would be different if you weren't social with these people outside of work and were then choosing to only invite some co-workers because you liked them versus others.

Be sure to send any invites to their homes and keep wedding talk out of the office.

As for the others, I don't think there is a way to celebrate them without making it feel like a consolation. Sure, taking someone out for lunch is never a bad idea, but how would you word it? "Hey, I want to take everyone out for lunch when I get back from my wedding!" "Why?" "Because I feel bad I couldn't invite you to it".... I dunno, just doesn't seem to work.

I think bringing in a cake casually or some goodies may be OK- I don't know too many people who would turn down free food. And if it is more casual it will seem less consolation prize, more work event.

While I see what you mean, these kind of things are always strange to me. You are bringing in a cake to celebrate yourself?

SP29 · November 2013

I do agree with you- it is kind of odd, and I probably wouldn't do it. Just thinking more along the lines that the work place is a bit of a different atmosphere and bringing in a cake or goodies for something is a more "normal" event.

At a previous work place I had a clinical placement at, birthdays were celebrated but it was up to the person who's birthday it was to bring in their own cake for everyone!

KickAssMOH · November 2013

Two things here....

1. Regardless of who you invite or don't invite from that small group, they might throw you a wedding shower at work. That is celebration enough, right?

2. I work on a small team (15) amongst a large company. I invited 1 person from that group, assuming they would play it cool and not talk about it. I was 100% wrong. Not only did she talk about it before the event, but afterwards she wrote up something that sounded like a societal piece on all the intimate details of my wedding, and sent it to the team to let them know what they missed. Awkward.as.hell.

short+sassy · November 2013

Unfortunately, I can testify to being the odd one out. While not a wedding, one of my former coworkers in an office of only 12 people, invited EVERYONE except me and two others to a Superbowl Party. That party was talked about for days beforehand and days afterward. It was VERY hurtful and, although I was always professional, it really colored my attitude toward her.

I felt like the kid who was the only one in class that didn't get a birthday invite!

bethsmiles · November 2013

I think people wanting to throw more parties with people that weren't invited to the wedding is weird. I wasn't invited, I don't want to go to some other party to celebrate you. These are adults, they should be able to handle it.

kgd7357 · November 2013

I totally thought about doing another event for my in town friends that are not invited to the wedding. I thought better of it. I realized it's just awkward. While it's not an office, I have a pretty close group of about 15 friends that live locally and I just can't invite them all with their SOs. If you can't invite them all, just don't do anything at all. I agree with people. Maybe just bring some cake into the office.

Amyzen83 · November 2013

That's a tough one because there are definitely a few co-workers I want to invite, but not all of them. Truth be told, if they want to be part of your celebration, then THEY will take the initiative to do something nice for you. Ex: this one woman at my work got married and everyone knew about it, but everyone also understands that usually family and close friends are invited to these things, if they got an invite, then that's a bonus, but when the co-worker was going to come back from her honeymoon, the people on her team totally decorated her cubicle to acknowledge this huge milestone in her life and wanted to show that they care.

Basically don't bring it up or have a celebration about your big step, because others will take it the wrong way, but if you just continue planning on your own, and going about your upcoming celebration casually, then your co-workers may surprise you with something nice, or will simply wish you a congratulations and carry on with work.

AddieCake · November 2013

Skip it. Not everyone can be invited. There's no need to have multiple events to accommodate the world.

Coworkers we are unable to invite

Re: Coworkers we are unable to invite

Choose Another Board

Search Boards