Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Moms and Maids
Moms and Maids
New Discussion

moms fighting

jtayl962jtayl962 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Moms and Maids
My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. Both our mothers got along very well until now with my bridal shower with planning. Now my fiance's mom is mad at my mom. Does anyone else have both their mom not like each other because of this whole plannin process of the wedding?
Report Reply to Post

Re: moms fighting

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. Both our mothers got along very well until now with my bridal shower with planning. Now my fiance's mom is mad at my mom. Does anyone else have both their mom not like each other because of this whole plannin process of the wedding?

    *stuck in the effing box*
    We're going to need more information. Why are they fighting? Over what?
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    That can happen. I think the best ways to deal with it are to minimize the time they have to spend together and don't ask them to do planning together.  Also, keep them away from each other during the reception.  And finally, remind them both of the need to behave like mature adults and not engage in hostilities at the wedding, reception, etc.
    Report Reply
  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    I haven't had any fighting fighting among relatives but there have been a lot of "Arrg" moments with FI's family. Usually we just decide we're never going to agree or I finally put my foot down and basically tell them that it's not what I like or want for/in my wedding and they back off. 

    @HisGirlFriday - I agree with you. We would need more information to make any suggestions or give any advice. We don't know the situation. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • jtayl962jtayl962 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    it's a long story. it's over my bridal shower. My bridesmaids were planning the shower. my mom felt that they were dragging their feet and decided to have her own bridal shower for my side of the family. my matron of honor who is my Fiance sister was waiting for a venue. but she didn't tell anyone that is what she was doing. I listen to both sides and to me both sides could have communicated better. so my soon to be mother in law is upset that my mom decided to do one on her own.
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I think your FMIL needs to get over it.  She could always have arranged for someone on her side to throw one for you if it meant that much to her.  But your sister should have told everyone about the wait for the venue.
    Report Reply
  • jtayl962jtayl962 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    but I am just curious if anyone has an issue between both mothers
    Report Reply
  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    jtayl962 said:
    but I am just curious if anyone has an issue between both mothers
    I don't, exactly. DH doesn't see his mother -- by his choice -- whereas I am very close to my mother. His grandmother essentially raised him, and she is....difficult, at best, and meddlesome, manipulative, and bitchy at worst. She doesn't like my mother much, but covers that by a thin facade of pretend niceness. She pitched hissy fit after hissy fit while we were wedding planning because my mother was involved and she wasn't.

    I finally said, "Look, I understand that you are unhappy, I do. But you are not involved for two reasons. One, you are not paying for anything. People who pay, get a say. People who do not pay, get to STFU. Two, EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. that I have mentioned ANYTHING about our wedding to you, you have told me that you did not like it, you thought it was tacky, you would have done it differently, or that it was 'stupid.' Such unkindess from you does not engender a feeling of goodwill from me in including you in wedding planning. I asked your opinion, you were rude, I will not ask your opinion again." 

    She bitched to DH about that, but he stood by me and said, "I told you to stop being rude to HisGirl or else you'd get cut out of wedding planning. You didn't, so you have been. I stand with my FUTURE WIFE in that if you are rude, you will not be involved."

    After that, she didn't bitch to either of us about it, but I heard from other family members that she trash-talked our plans to them. Oh, well.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    We don't have an "issue" I just don't speak to my daughter's MIL or FIL.  They were uninvolved with the wedding, expected to be included in everything, had their WHOLE female contingent of family wear a color completely different from the wedding (picture a gray/silver wedding with one whole group wearing green), and were dismissive and insulting at the rehearsal dinner.  
    Even with all that, I leave my daughter and SIL out of it all.  We don't talk about my SIL's family and holidays are divided as fairly as possible.  A wedding is short, life is long.
    Report Reply
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Lauderdale Pink said:
    We don't have an "issue" I just don't speak to my daughter's MIL or FIL.  They were uninvolved with the wedding, expected to be included in everything, had their WHOLE female contingent of family wear a color completely different from the wedding (picture a gray/silver wedding with one whole group wearing green), and were dismissive and insulting at the rehearsal dinner.  
    Even with all that, I leave my daughter and SIL out of it all.  We don't talk about my SIL's family and holidays are divided as fairly as possible.  A wedding is short, life is long.

    Guests are allowed to wear any color they choose.  

    Report Reply
  • bunni727bunni727 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Why can't you have two showers?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    @mobkaz-yes guests get to pick what they wear, but when an entire group wears the same color and it is a perfect match, to each other,  and not at all in sync with the wedding, they are making a statement, and not a nice one at all. A group of 15 or so women should not try to stand out at a group at another woman's wedding.
    Report Reply
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Lauderdale Pink said:
    @mobkaz-yes guests get to pick what they wear, but when an entire group wears the same color and it is a perfect match, to each other,  and not at all in sync with the wedding, they are making a statement, and not a nice one at all. A group of 15 or so women should not try to stand out at a group at another woman's wedding.
    Perhaps I am missing something here.  No one needs to be "in sync" with the wedding colors.  At either of my children's weddings, I could easily pull a group of women all wearing black.  I don't equate that with any sort of conspiracy.  I am having a hard time believing that 15 grown ass women all conspired to purchase identical green dresses to "make a statement".  Exactly what statement did you draw from this?  Are you sure you weren't looking for something that really wasn't there?
    Report Reply
  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    @mobkaz-I agree, if 100 women showed up in black, it would be fine because black is the common color for guests at a black tie event. It saves money because the gown can be used again and again. I did not say they had to be "in sync" with the wedding.  My point was they (MOG, 2 grandmothers, 2 sisters, 3 sisters in laws and a gaggle of cousins) were all in the exact same color and their escorts wore pocket squares of the exact same color.  I just find that extremely odd.  The statement was "OOH Look at us!"
    Report Reply
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Lauderdale Pink said:
    @mobkaz-I agree, if 100 women showed up in black, it would be fine because black is the common color for guests at a black tie event. It saves money because the gown can be used again and again. I did not say they had to be "in sync" with the wedding.  My point was they (MOG, 2 grandmothers, 2 sisters, 3 sisters in laws and a gaggle of cousins) were all in the exact same color and their escorts wore pocket squares of the exact same color.  I just find that extremely odd.  The statement was "OOH Look at us!"
    So - they might have looked weird. That's not going to reflect on you. Do yourself a favor and let it go.

    OP - can you just have two showers? It's sounds like it might be best if your two families keep their distance anyway. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • jtayl962jtayl962 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    yeah I can have two showers. I accepted the fact that it is what it is
    Report Reply
  • nswearensweare member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Lauderdale Pink said:

    @mobkaz-I agree, if 100 women showed up in black, it would be fine because black is the common color for guests at a black tie event. It saves money because the gown can be used again and again. I did not say they had to be "in sync" with the wedding.  My point was they (MOG, 2 grandmothers, 2 sisters, 3 sisters in laws and a gaggle of cousins) were all in the exact same color and their escorts wore pocket squares of the exact same color.  I just find that extremely odd.  The statement was "OOH Look at us!"

    I agree that they clearly did this purposely. I don't know if it was necessarily malicious, but it definitely sounds AWish and not really appropriate for someone else's event. It would be different if it was their family reunion or something of that nature.
    Report Reply
  • delujm0delujm0 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    nsweare said:
    @mobkaz-I agree, if 100 women showed up in black, it would be fine because black is the common color for guests at a black tie event. It saves money because the gown can be used again and again. I did not say they had to be "in sync" with the wedding.  My point was they (MOG, 2 grandmothers, 2 sisters, 3 sisters in laws and a gaggle of cousins) were all in the exact same color and their escorts wore pocket squares of the exact same color.  I just find that extremely odd.  The statement was "OOH Look at us!"
    I agree that they clearly did this purposely. I don't know if it was necessarily malicious, but it definitely sounds AWish and not really appropriate for someone else's event. It would be different if it was their family reunion or something of that nature.

    The best thing to do was just ignore it, and pretend you didn't even notice.  If they did it to get a rise out of you, ignoring it is the best way to show them that you really don't care what they do, and that it isn't affecting your enjoyment of the event.
    Report Reply
  • nswearensweare member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    delujm0 said:


    nsweare said:

    @mobkaz-I agree, if 100 women showed up in black, it would be fine because black is the common color for guests at a black tie event. It saves money because the gown can be used again and again. I did not say they had to be "in sync" with the wedding.  My point was they (MOG, 2 grandmothers, 2 sisters, 3 sisters in laws and a gaggle of cousins) were all in the exact same color and their escorts wore pocket squares of the exact same color.  I just find that extremely odd.  The statement was "OOH Look at us!"
    I agree that they clearly did this purposely. I don't know if it was necessarily malicious, but it definitely sounds AWish and not really appropriate for someone else's event. It would be different if it was their family reunion or something of that nature.
    The best thing to do was just ignore it, and pretend you didn't even notice.  If they did it to get a rise out of you, ignoring it is the best way to show them that you really don't care what they do, and that it isn't affecting your enjoyment of the event.
    I agree that ignoring it is the best solution. The person being an AW wants attention. Just don't give it to them.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards