Honeymoon gift = wedding invite?

mellyD2014 · November 2013

Hi all,

Hoping for some etiquette guidance here. One of my parents' friends has generously offered to let my fiance and I stay in her apartment in France for our honeymoon. We'd only be paying for the utilities and house keeping while we're there. I have met her twice but would not say she's a close friend. My parents are wondering whether etiquette dictates we invite her to our wedding? My parents don't feel strongly either way, as they're close but not that close, and they have other friends they'd rather invite if we have the space. I suggested that it was not necessary to invite her etiquette wise, and that we'd obviously send her a thank you gift to show our gratitude.

Does etiquette dictate we invite her? Or would a thank you gift address this?

Teddy917 · November 2013

I don't think you have to invite her. Provided that she was the one who offered and you didn't just ask. A thank you gift should be plenty.

AroundTheBlock · November 2013

One of the strongest rules of etiquette is "a simple thank-you will suffice". If you imagine people offer you favours and gifts in the hope of getting something back from you, then you are imputing fairly crude motivations to them. That's a sad thing to do when they have been kind to you.

Thank your parents' friend for her offer, in the note that you send accepting her invitation. Thank-you her again for the hospitality after you have enjoyed it. It is acceptable, and thoughtful but not necessary, to send a small hostess-gift with the second note; perhaps something that you noticed during your stay, that she has a fondness for: exotic spices for her kitchen, or a swarovski ornament, or the always-appropriate fallback of a lovely bouquet of flowers.

indianaalum · November 2013

Does she "assume" she is invited? If so, is it possible she will take away the "honeymoon gift" when she realizes she wasn't? Is it possible she will feel slighted by that move??

do you have to invite her? no, but if it's in the budget, I might just invite her just to show her the appreciation for the gift.

RebeccaB88 · November 2013

I don't think it's necessary, but it would be a very sweet, generous thing to do. In your position, I would probably invite them.

orwhatuwill · November 2013

I think an invite would be nice.

bethsmiles · November 2013

I don't think it's required but I would invite her, she is giving you a very generous gift.

chibiyui · November 2013

I wouldn't be able to take that kind of a gift from someone if I didn't invite them. Since she offered though I don't think you have to invite her etiquette wise. But if you can I think you should, because that is a very nice gift.

smalfrie19 · November 2013

I agree, etiquette wise I don't thing you HAVE to invite her, but I would feel really bad if I didn't.

Viczaesar · November 2013

I don't think you have to, but I think you ought to.

misssunshine17 · November 2013

I think you should invite her. I think it's kind of shitty to accept such a large gift from someone and not even invite them to the cause of celebration.

huskypuppy14 · November 2013

A gift is a gift, and should not be given with expecting something in return (other than a thank you note.) While I agree it would be nice if you invited them, you are not obligated to. You even say your parent's would rather invite other people instead of them if there is space. How did it even come up anyway. Did they just randomly offer it, or did you mention that you were thinking of going to France for your honeymoon and then they offered their place? Because if they randomly mentioned it, I find that a little weird.

delujm0 · November 2013

You definitely don't HAVE to invite her, but if literally anyone in the entire world offered me the use of their apartment in Paris for a week (i assume?) for almost free, they would get an invitation to my wedding. She's probably saving you upwards of $1,500; buying her dinner is the least you can do. That is a very generous gift. Especially if she usually rents the apartment out - which means she's losing income by letting you stay there rent-free.

If you're having a VERY small wedding, family only or the like, she's unlikely to have her feelings hurt by not being invited...but if your parents are inviting other friends, i would definitely include her. As I said, it's not against etiquette to not invite her, but I would certainly do it.

climbingsingle · November 2013

I agree with PP. You don't have to invite her, but you should. That's a very generous gift. Enjoy!!

cowgirl8238 · November 2013

I don't think you have to invite her at all. What is is offering is a wonderful gift! As long as you thank her appropatly you will be fine!

photokitty · November 2013

While it is not required I would definitely invite them. That's a very generous gift and the fact that they think highly enough of you and/or their relationship with your parents would warrant an invite in my eyes.

OliveOilsMom · November 2013

That is a very generous gift and the cost of her and SO, if she has ones, plates would probably be way less than any hotel you can find in France that is semi-decent. I would invite her.

annathy03 · November 2013

I'm also of the mind to invite her them. It's trickier if you have a capacity issue with your venue and truly have to cut people to make room, but if it's a budget constraint only I would 110% invite them, the cost of their plates will be minimal compared to what they're saving you on your honeymoon, and it's a gesture I'm sure they'll appreciate. Not inviting them wouldn't be against etiquette, but it wouldn't feel right to me.

ETA: them, not just her

mellyD2014 · November 2013

I'm not sure how it came up - she offered us the gift through my parents, who relayed the information to my fiance and I. As I said, I don't have strong feelings in either direction on the subject, which is why I asked here!

Thanks for the thoughts and comments, they've all be very helpful.

AddieCake · November 2013

I think I would invite her. I would feel weird accepting such a generous gift and not extending an invitation.

Honeymoon gift = wedding invite?

Re: Honeymoon gift = wedding invite?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards