Am I becoming a bridezilla?

Re: Am I becoming a bridezilla?

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  November 2013

  LadyBelle11 said:

  Well, I know I've been a bit stressed lately, but I didn't realize it was causing me to be impossible. We barely had time to enjoy our engagement before suddenly our destination dream wedding turned into chaos. That wedding on the beach disappeared when my mom found a local venue (in my hometown), arranged a date, and the small concept morphed into over 200 people on a guest list. In addition, my fiance's CWIB (co-worker with inappropriate boundaries) amped up her inappropriateness and created a great deal of stress at home while he simultaneously became frustrated with the stress of me asking him opinions on wedding stuff and my stress about the CWIB. 

  
  

  He told me that he feels like I have changed since we got engaged, and doesn't know how to help me be happy. He has also said that it has made him reconsider if this is the right step, particularly since we have suddenly been arguing so much lately (note: we BARELY argued ever before, with the exception being about his interactions with the CWIB). I know that I have been stressed, and I know that I have been anxious, but I don't want to lose my fiance because of it. 

  
  

  Does anyone have suggestions for dialing back the craziness, keeping my sanity and preserving my relationship?

  1. Why is your mother picking your venue and arranging the date? Even if she's paying, that's beyond the pale.
  
  2. Please elaborate on the CWIB issues.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• doeydo member

  

  November 2013

  LadyBelle11 said:

  Well, I know I've been a bit stressed lately, but I didn't realize it was causing me to be impossible. We barely had time to enjoy our engagement before suddenly our destination dream wedding turned into chaos. That wedding on the beach disappeared when my mom found a local venue (in my hometown), arranged a date, and the small concept morphed into over 200 people on a guest list. In addition, my fiance's CWIB (co-worker with inappropriate boundaries) amped up her inappropriateness and created a great deal of stress at home while he simultaneously became frustrated with the stress of me asking him opinions on wedding stuff and my stress about the CWIB. 

  
  

  He told me that he feels like I have changed since we got engaged, and doesn't know how to help me be happy. He has also said that it has made him reconsider if this is the right step, particularly since we have suddenly been arguing so much lately (note: we BARELY argued ever before, with the exception being about his interactions with the CWIB). I know that I have been stressed, and I know that I have been anxious, but I don't want to lose my fiance because of it. 

  
  

  Does anyone have suggestions for dialing back the craziness, keeping my sanity and preserving my relationship?

  First Bold: What?  Did she just do this without consulting you?  Or was she just very pushy?  Can you cancel all this and go with the smaller beach wedding you (and I presume your FI) want?
  Second Bold: If he is having doubts on getting married, maybe you should put it off.  Or, at least go to a counselor together to talk about everything and to figure out how to communicate and to argue nicely (if that makes sense).  
  

  
  

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• emmyg65 member

  

  November 2013

  I agree that it sounds like you guys should see a counselor. There will be stressful times in your lives (planning a wedding, having young children, dealing with sick parents, etc.) where you'll be stressed out and maybe not your best self. You each should be able to support the other one through that, and know how to maintain your communication. These can be hard skills to learn, so there's nothing wrong with looking for a little outside help.

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• thejucheidea member

  

  November 2013

  This may be one of those 'delay the wedding until you deal with your business' situations. Cancel your mom's plans, decline all money offers from her and pay for your own so you don't have to go with her wedding plans, go to therapy with your fiance, move forward on the path that makes sense after everything settles.

  
  

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• LadyBelle11 member

  

  November 2013

  Well, my mom was working on a wedding and she found out they had a date available. She did consult me, and since she almost stopped talking to me when I said we wanted to a destination wedding, we agreed to go with the at-home wedding. I was fine with that since she apparently wanted something where everyone could participate and all I really wanted was to marry my guy. It's just that since then, all of the aspects of planning a wedding (especially from far away) started to take an emotional strain.

  
  

  We are going to Engaged Encounter in 2 weeks---would that work for counseling? I just don't know if I will be able to get him to go see a "real" counselor.
  

  
  

  
  

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• thejucheidea member

  

  November 2013

  LadyBelle11 said:

  We are going to Engaged Encounter in 2 weeks---would that work for counseling? I just don't know if I will be able to get him to go see a "real" counselor.
  

  
  

  
  

  No, you need to go to a private counselor, and if he's massively against that, I'd consider it a real red flag.

  
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  November 2013

  I think you need to see a counsellor just by yourself, because it sounds like your mom has boundary issues and you let her have them. You said she 'almost stopped speaking to you.' That's called emotional blackmail, and it is NOT OK.
  
  This wedding should represent what you and your FI want, not what your mother wants.
  
  If you're old enough to get married, you are old enough to cut the apron strings and tell your mother that, regardless of her dream (a wedding where everyone participates), YOUR dream is different and she needs to respect that.
  
  I think your FI's unwillingness to go to a real counsellor is a red flag, but I also think your boundary issues with your mother are, too.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• maryemoo member

  

  November 2013

  Ditto to everything PPs said...and I would definitely tell your mother that you need to be involved in your own choices and she needs to respect boundaries.

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• LadyBelle11 member

  

  November 2013

  Thanks, ladies. This has given me a lot to think about. Wish me luck!

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