Wedding Etiquette Forum

Who Pays

Okay so I know the bridesmaids pay for their dress and then the only other job is to show up... that is taken care of.... everything else I am having them do for the day of is all covered thankfully because my mom owns a dayspa and they are doing us all for free....

Question though because my grandmother is having a fit over who pays for the Flower Girl dress.... I would think her mom does?  Though my grandmother (after finding out I was having my little cousin) said it is beyond rude for me to have her pay for a dress and that I am being selfish for having the bridesmaids pay for their dresses??  I feel that if she has such an issue she can pay for it since she pays for all of that sides family anyway.... but who is supposed to pay for the Flower Girl Dress?
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Re: Who Pays

  • Yes, the FG's mom pays for the dress unless you felt like offering to pay for it. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Technically they should, as long as it's a reasonable price dress and in their budget. That being said, most brides pay for it. I offered to pay for my nephew's outfit (RB) and both my SIL and brother told me not to worry about it and they got it since he'll be wearing the same outfit twice (my brother's wedding is 3 weeks after mine.. he's also a RB there)
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  • Typically the flower girl pays for her own dress (which typically means her mother has to since she is too young to have money.)  

    For us, my mom is paying for the dress, but I wouldn't say that is the norm.  The dresses don't have to be super expensive--there are lots online since kids grow out of them fast. 
  • Okay good, I mean if I had the extra money I would but with a wedding and closing on a house... not gonna happen... Her mom saw a dress on my Pinterest and said the picky little FG LOVED it... so I did some research and found the maker and they are going to make it for about $100.  She is fine with that, my grandmother just thinks it is rude of me to want that... though they helped pick it and agreed on the price.  
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  • As long as she's fine with paying it, tell her to go for it. Just ignore your grandmother. Plus, it sounds like you didn't demand a $100 dress for her. Her mom is the one that found it.
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  • Just ignore your Grandmother.  If the FGs Mom likes the dress and is good with the price then that is the only opinion that matters.

  • Don't talk wedding with grandma.

    Ditto. Unless Grandma is hosting or financing anything I'd kindly tell her that the matter is not open for discussion.
  • banana468 said:
    Don't talk wedding with grandma.
    Ditto. Unless Grandma is hosting or financing anything I'd kindly tell her that the matter is not open for discussion.
    A lot easier said than done... especially when she is the one that writes a paycheck for you, and when FG's mom is her daughter which is how it came up..  I'm just hoping that it all gets taken care of or if she has such an issue with it she can pay for it herself... I mean she buys EVERYTHING for that side of the family
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  • mscearce said:
    banana468 said:
    Don't talk wedding with grandma.
    Ditto. Unless Grandma is hosting or financing anything I'd kindly tell her that the matter is not open for discussion.
    A lot easier said than done... especially when she is the one that writes a paycheck for you, and when FG's mom is her daughter which is how it came up..  I'm just hoping that it all gets taken care of or if she has such an issue with it she can pay for it herself... I mean she buys EVERYTHING for that side of the family
    I'm confused. Are you saying that she is your employer or that she is paying for your wedding?
  • mscearce said:
    banana468 said:
    Don't talk wedding with grandma.
    Ditto. Unless Grandma is hosting or financing anything I'd kindly tell her that the matter is not open for discussion.
    A lot easier said than done... especially when she is the one that writes a paycheck for you, and when FG's mom is her daughter which is how it came up..  I'm just hoping that it all gets taken care of or if she has such an issue with it she can pay for it herself... I mean she buys EVERYTHING for that side of the family
    I'm confused. Are you saying that she is your employer or that she is paying for your wedding?
    employer
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  • banana468 said:
    Them tell her to WOULD pay for more but you'd need a raise
    hahaha Ditto!
  • I agree with Banana. That's on her if she pays for all of that family's expenses, not on you.
  • agreed with a lot of the PPs - FG's mom pays for her dress (assuming that she is a 'normal' FG age). My little sister was a FG for our cousin years ago and the bride's mom (our aunt) paid for the dress. This is not very typical at all, but our aunt makes a lot more than our dad and they decided on a more pricey dress. It was a very nice gesture, and my dad thought this was the norm! Oh dads and their etiquette... 
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  • aefitz29 said:
    banana468 said:
    Them tell her to WOULD pay for more but you'd need a raise
    hahaha Ditto!
    Heck if I get a really good pay raise I'll pay for the dress and more for her... but a child that dresses in all justice and has uggs and a coach purse at the age of 7...... Her mom or my grandmother can pay for a dress that the FG and FG mom helped picked...  
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  • I think this is a generational thing. My mom is 70 and is absolutely appalled that bridesmaids are expected to buy their own dresses. When my sister got married, she paid for all the dresses, because she thinks it's beyond rude to ask the bridesmaids to pay.  It's been explained to her by several people that that's just how it's done now and everyone expects it, but she doesn't agree and will never agree with it. When she and my dad married (in 1964), the her dad paid for all the dresses, and when she was in her friend's weddings, the bride's parents paid. According to her, that's the way it was done then and how it should be done now. 

    So, I agree to just not talk to Grandma about this subject.  I'm sure she thinks like my mom does and won't change her mind. Unless you have the budget to pay, then just pick dresses for everyone within their budgets and don't worry about Grandma.
  • If your grandmother isn't paying for anything, it's none of her business.  Stop talking about your wedding plans with her and bean-dip her if she brings them up.  If she still won't stop, shut her down with: "Grandma, the only persons whose business it is as to who is paying for the dresses are the persons paying for the dresses.  That's not you, so this subject is closed."
  • I guess I must not be the norm then, because my wedding party isnt paying for their attire at all. None of it, we are.
  • cidefi said:
    I guess I must not be the norm then, because my wedding party isnt paying for their attire at all. None of it, we are.
    While that's nice of you, it's not needed. So yes, you're not in the norm of this topic. I'm sure your WP appreciates it though.
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  • It sounds like you and your grandmother need to have a discussion about the separation of personal and professional matters. It shouldn't matter that she writes your paycheck. Unless she's directly financing the wedding, wedding talk with her is optional. 

    Also... she's wrong. 
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  • I'm with the rest, the FG's mom typically pays for the dress.  Although my mom did pay for my FG's dress, but the FG was my niece and my mom's granddaughter, so it wasn't too odd either.  My sister, mom of FG and RB, did pay for the RB attire.

    Sorry, cute story hijack. When my mom asked FG (who is 5) if she wanted to carry a bouquet like her mom and aunt (me) or if she wanted to carry a basket with rose petals to drop on the ground, her response was to say authoritatively, "Grandma! I want to drop petals.  That's what flower girls DO!"

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