Venting. Glad I did not ask this girl to be a BM.

Re: Venting. Glad I did not ask this girl to be a BM.

• MairePoppy mod

  

  November 2013 edited November 2013

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  November 2013

  I didn't even know this guy texted her (either time, before the party or during it) until afterwards.  If he'd asked me I would have told him not to contact her, so now I'm annoyed that it looks like I put him up to it.  That's certainly not helping the situation.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  November 2013

  It sounds like she's a jerk and it's time to let this friendship naturally wilt. It happens all the time in life. Just one note of caution in your post though, it's her choice to attend these events or not. She doesn't owe you a reason or explanation.

  Stuck in box. I agree with above. I do think it was a little out of line for you to ask her what her prior commitment was. I personally would have been irritated by that. Maybe that has to do with why she's been distant? Anyway, like the PP said, sometimes friendships fade. It sounds like you're better off just letting this one go. I'm sorry. 

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• soontobemrszito member

  

  November 2013

  I am having this exact same situation with two life long friends who I actually asked to be in the bridal party. It's beyond frustrating, and sad really. Not only am I sad and hurt that I never hear back from them even after multiple texts, calls, and emails, but it's hard to plan when two of your bridesmaids aren't participating. I'm glad you don't have to deal with that too, but sorry this is happening with your friends.

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  November 2013

  Yeah thanks all, I'm sorry to those of you who are also dealing with this.  Especially sorry it's a bridesmaid.  But Lobster, that's so sad you have given up on making friends!  Most people would NOT treat a friend like this.  I hope you find some people who treat you better.

  
  

  As for asking her about her prior commitment-- I wasn't going to except it came up in conversation.  We were shopping together and she mentioned that her dad was moving that same weekend as the party.  So I just said, Oh okay, so that makes sense why you can't come.  She replied, No, I'm not helping my dad move, I just have a prior commitment.  I wouldn't normally have asked her, although I still would have thought it was weird she didn't volunteer a reason, considering how close we have been.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  JCBride2014 said:

  I posted on here a while back about whether to ask a friend, who had been flaky lately and hard to get in touch with, to be a BM.  This is one of my oldest friends and, at least until this year, a very special person to me.  Posters cautioned against asking her, and I decided to hold off for a while and see how things played out.

  
  

  Well: thank you, ladies, for telling me to put on the brakes.  Friend was completely unresponsive to a few texts so I called her and left a voicemail.  Just, "Haven't heard from you in a while, would love to catch up, give me a call."  Still no response (this was over a week ago).  At that point I just decided to stop reaching out and let her reach out if she wanted.

  
  

  Last night I had a small party at my house, which Friend was invited to but never responded to the text or Facebook invite.  One of my friends asked me where she was.  Turns out she texted him the other day and said she wasn't sure if she was coming.  Yeah, she responds to this guy but not me.  He texted Friend to ask if she was coming: instant response, "No."  Why not? "Um.  I don't have a reason, sorry.  I'm at a beer garden in Queens right now."

  
  

  A) I'm pissed because Friend clearly has no problem with being responsive to people who are not me.

  I'm pissed because she could not even deign to refuse my invitation.

  C) I'm pissed because "no reason" is enough reason to blow me off.

  
  

  This is the same girl who declined my engagement party invitation, 5 weeks in advance, because she had a "prior commitment" but refused to tell me what it was when I asked her about this in person.

  
  

  My feelings are really hurt by this.  Part of me wants to call and yell at her (voicemail of course, not that she'll pick up).  I won't do that because I'm a grown-up. Part of me wants to hope this isn't about me at all, and something is going on with her and she'll come around soon.  But it really hurts because it's so obvious at this point that she doesn't want to be my friend. I'm tearing myself up thinking if I could have possibly done something to upset her or hurt her feelings, and I really don't think I did anything to her.  But it really bothers me that if I did upset her, she didn't come talk to me about it.

  
  

  Anyway, thank God I didn't ask her to be a BM.

  Yes, it's a good thing that you didn't ask her to be a bm. The two of you are not evenly matched in the amount of time you want or are able to invest in this friendship. A party invitation requires a yes or no answer, not an explanation for declining. When you asked her what her prior commitment was, she probably thought you were being needy or pushy. And it didn't help when the third party texted her to see if she was going to your house party. 
  

  
  

  ETA: Sorry @JCBride2014   I deleted my original post by mistake. This is what you were responding to. Didn't mean to DD

                     

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