Engagement Gifts?

MadHops21 · November 2013

So our families are throwing me and my FI an engagement party in a couple weekends, and I keep getting some people asking if others are bringing gifts. I'm not expecting gifts, but a couple people are asking what I want. The wedding is not until 2016, so we aren't actually expecting anything. Some people said that they are bringing gifts! I do not want to tell them that others are bringing gifts, so it puts pressure like they should. Should I just say that we're not expecting gifts? What would you say?

aurorajanette · November 2013

Typically people bring something like a bottle of wine or a nice card to an engagement party, not gifts like what you would receive at a shower or the actual wedding.

You should never ask anyone to bring a gift, or tell anyone that you are expecting them (which I already know you wouldn't do). Just let people who ask know that you would love to see them at the party and a gift is not necessary.

ashleyep · November 2013

If someone asks you directly what you'd like, just tell them you don't want anything and you'd just love to seem them there. Made add in one of those silly lines like "your presence is present enough!"

ETA: But only say that if asked.

MadHops21 · November 2013

Sounds smart to me! I don't want to be like "Sure, here's what we need". FI's mother is thinking about His and Hers sweatpants, which actually would be hilariously appropriate for us (I'm almost always seen in sweats).

doeydo · November 2013

Person- "What should I bring? Are other people bringing gifts?"
You- "Don't worry about gifts! We just want to celebrate with you."

[Deleted User] · November 2013

Person- "what should I bring"

Most people now days- "well how about a meat dish to pass around like some prime rib, your own chair, possibly your own wine if not some for everyone, at least on thing of flowers for decor, and we have a pre-wedding vacation registry at www.wesuck.com where you can donate to our aspen ski trip instead of bringing us gifts, but if you have to bring a gift were registered at target, cabellas, and Gucci."

mrsbizzz · November 2013

aurorajanette said:

Typically people bring something like a bottle of wine or a nice card to an engagement party, not gifts like what you would receive at a shower or the actual wedding.

You should never ask anyone to bring a gift, or tell anyone that you are expecting them (which I already know you wouldn't do). Just let people who ask know that you would love to see them at the party and a gift is not necessary.

Just a caution: this is what I thought before my engagement party, however it wasn't what happened. We had just finished our registry andm by the day of the party, a quarter of the items on it had been purchased. We were stunned and didn't expect any gifts, so just be prepared to write some thank you notes!

MadHops21 · November 2013

clairekundinger - I have lurked on the boards long enough to see that. It surprised me to see that people would just expect gifts and tell you where to go. It's so.....rude. If you're throwing a party, I'd expect things to be taken care of instead of a BYOB.

aurorajanette · November 2013

drmrs2014 said:

aurorajanette said:

Typically people bring something like a bottle of wine or a nice card to an engagement party, not gifts like what you would receive at a shower or the actual wedding.

You should never ask anyone to bring a gift, or tell anyone that you are expecting them (which I already know you wouldn't do). Just let people who ask know that you would love to see them at the party and a gift is not necessary.

Just a caution: this is what I thought before my engagement party, however it wasn't what happened. We had just finished our registry andm by the day of the party, a quarter of the items on it had been purchased. We were stunned and didn't expect any gifts, so just be prepared to write some thank you notes!

This is definitely a good point. However, I think that with the OP's wedding not being until 2016, they should probably not be registering yet.

JCbride2015 · November 2013

Yes, I would say too early to register. We're getting married in 2015 and not even thinking about registering yet.

Nearly everyone brought checks to our engagement party, which we didn't expect at all. A few brought bottles of wine. One couple of close friends actually got engraved wine glasses with our future married initial on it, which was unbelievably thoughtful. So yeah, be prepared to write some thank-you cards.

PPs nailed what to say. "We aren't expecting gifts, we're just excited you're coming!"

MadHops21 · November 2013

Love it, thanks guys! I never thought you brought gifts to an engagement party (we are the first couple to be engaged in our friends circle), so I'm completely clueless when it comes to anything wedding or engagement related. Only been to 1 wedding in my life, hence why I'm reading all these boards and learning.

We aren't even thinking about registering. I think it's way too early, and if we got the gifts, we would have no where to put them. We still live at our (respective) parent's houses.

mrsbizzz · November 2013

I absolutely agree it's too early to be registering but just bear in mind that people will bring gifts. We got a lot of gifts that weren't on the registry, but were great for an engagement (a photo album for our engagement photos, a few beautiful frames, a wedding planning book, etc.). I didn't expect any gifts at all (we was being thrown an incredible party which was an incredible gift in and of itself!), but even the most socially-obtuse of our friends and family brought gifts.

Inkdancer · November 2013

Also, it depends on the social circle. If my mom were to throw an engagement party for me with our friends and family, I would almost certainly receive lots of cards but no gifts. My FI's family is throwing us an engagement party this winter, and their circle almost always brings gifts from the registry to an engagement party. If I don't have a registry by then I'm sure I'll hear about it!

SomethingBeautiful08 · November 2013

A suggestion... open up a joint back account for you and FH to keep wedding funds in. That way you've got a seperate place to deposit any cash gifts. It also might be helpful for savings for the wedding.

MadHops21 · November 2013

SomethingBeautiful08 said:

A suggestion... open up a joint back account for you and FH to keep wedding funds in. That way you've got a seperate place to deposit any cash gifts. It also might be helpful for savings for the wedding.

That is a really good idea!! I never thought of that before. We really should open an account together for the future, too.

melbelleup · November 2013

SomethingBeautiful08 said:

A suggestion... open up a joint back account for you and FH to keep wedding funds in. That way you've got a seperate place to deposit any cash gifts. It also might be helpful for savings for the wedding.

To dabble on top of this, depending where you open it, you might not be able to make it into a joint account until you're married. This was our issue so it became my account (since I pay the bills for wedding stuff anyways) where he can give me money and I can deposit it into there. This though is at a state credit union. Nothing like gaining interest on wedding funds

mrsbizzz · November 2013

Kelcita21 said:

SomethingBeautiful08 said:

A suggestion... open up a joint back account for you and FH to keep wedding funds in. That way you've got a seperate place to deposit any cash gifts. It also might be helpful for savings for the wedding.

That is a really good idea!! I never thought of that before. We really should open an account together for the future, too.

It's something I wish I would have done directly after getting engaged. Not having one made it difficult when we got a few checks made out to "Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Jones."

Just a thought, if you're comfortable: I added my fiance as a joint owner on my existing savings account. It was much easier than creating a joint account (he is a customer at the same bank...took five minutes) and it didn't force us to create yet another account (we already had a savings and checking each and really didn't want more than four accounts total).

MadHops21 · November 2013

@drmrs2014 , what is the point of a joint account? I thought I heard somewhere that you need it for a house, and others tell me that you don't need it for a house, just split the money in your own accounts. I'm not sure if I need a joint account or if it's just a relationship bonding thing.

blueobsidian · November 2013

Kelcita21 said:

@drmrs2014 , what is the point of a joint account? I thought I heard somewhere that you need it for a house, and others tell me that you don't need it for a house, just split the money in your own accounts. I'm not sure if I need a joint account or if it's just a relationship bonding thing.

For us, it's a practical and easy thing. We got our joint account when we moved in together. This way, we can each just put our portion of our living expenses in an account and pay all our bills out of that. This way, we're not spending our time figuring out who owes what (or leaving all the bill paying and financial planning in one person's hands).

mrsbizzz · November 2013

blueobsidian said:

Kelcita21 said:

@drmrs2014 , what is the point of a joint account? I thought I heard somewhere that you need it for a house, and others tell me that you don't need it for a house, just split the money in your own accounts. I'm not sure if I need a joint account or if it's just a relationship bonding thing.

For us, it's a practical and easy thing. We got our joint account when we moved in together. This way, we can each just put our portion of our living expenses in an account and pay all our bills out of that. This way, we're not spending our time figuring out who owes what (or leaving all the bill paying and financial planning in one person's hands).

Same for us. We are splitting a lot of expenses now because we moved in with each other about 10 months before we are getting married. We weren't quite ready to take on the task of fully integrating our finances just yet (especially since I have yet to decide if I am changing my name in some way), so the joint account helped with the checks that were written to both of us. We are also drawing from it to finance the morning-after brunch we are throwing to honor our parents the day after the wedding.

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