FI & Sister in law vent!!!
I love my fiance to death but one thing I get upset with him about is that he is too nice. Dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being nice but he's so nice he gets taken advantage of and I dont like that. His sister is constantly asking him for money not every blue moon but just about every week its 100 here 50 there and he gives it to her... We our paying for our own wedding and honeymoon . On top of that we are also putting money aside to move in together. So we are on a very tight budget. I try to stress to him that we have no money to give away and that it's ok to say no especially when she's always asking... They have other sisters and brothers but she only calls him. why? bcuz she knows that even if its his last he'll give it to her... he just asked me to send her money and I told him no she has to ask someone else we dont have it. I think he got a little upset with me bcuz I refuse to dip into our wedding savings to give it to her.... the account was set up for just that our wedding I dont want to start dipping into it for other things..... am I wrong in this situation?. I have our best interest at heart once we are married and living together him constantly giving her money wont just effect him but me as well. there's nothing wrong with helping others but you cant give so much that you have nothing for yourself..
Re: FI & Sister in law vent!!!
I honestly think you should consider not dating, let alone marrying, this guy.
he didnt get pissed off and throw a fit... he was just like "but babe she needs the help and I feel wrong for not helping her" I told him you cant always send her money she has two jobs if anyone should be sending anyone money she should be sending it to us... he sighed and said alright I dont know if he got upset with me or if he is just not looking forward to telling his sister he cant do it.
The bolded is a huge red flag. HUGE. GINORMOUS. And I speak from experience.
My husband is not good at confrontation, doesn't like it, and avoids it. Before we got married, he and I had a come-to-Jesus screaming match about his unwillingness to say no to his family. I was like, "You asked me to marry you, which means you asked me to make a family with you. I said yes, which means I agreed to be your family -- but that means we have to be a family of two, and I have to come first." He saw my point, and he's still not great at saying no (his grandmother routinely cons him into spending his day off doing chores at her house), but he stands up for me/us against his family, which is what I wanted.
sooooooooooooooo had a long talk with my FI last night. I may have reacted too quick but I still feel the same way he shouldnt always give her money because in reality it's only temp. helping her... she needs to learn to better budget her money and thats the end of the story. but as far as the money he gives her... every paycheck we give ourselves what I guess we can call an allowance. we put 60 bucks aside to do or get things we want and the rest goes to savings and bills. if he has given her money this is where its coming from not the wedding money. he asked me to send her the money bcuz I had access to the internet at the time to send it thru Western union and was gonna give it right back to me with the money he has from his "allowance".... I reacted becaue all I saw was she's asking for money again I didnt want to hear any reasoning. I'm glad I talked to him bcuz I realized we are on the same page. As he told me he would never jeopardize our future for someone else, We come first. We did have a talk about him even giving her his allowance money and he said he would talk to her about things and to explain to her that if we have to scale back on our Wedding due to budget she could do the same thing for his nephews birthday party. I know I was just venting at the time but I do need to learn to talk to him before reacting and getting upset. It just kinda upsets me with her that she's aware of our budget and all the scaling down we have to do for our wedding. but yet wants my FI to give her money so that her son can have a huge sleep over/ birthday party at a hotel smh... I hope their talk goes as good as ours did. I'm happy after our talk but I have a feeling his big sister wont be.. oh well
I don't know, but I don't think your talk went as well as you think it did. Did your FI agree to stop giving his sister money? Did he agree to not give her money for this birthday party? Did he agree to never give her money again in the future? Did he agree to have a discussion with his sister where he tells her in no uncertain terms that from now on, he will no longer be able to give her money?
You didn't say that any of those things happened during your conversation with him. Only that he was going to give her money out of his monthly personal "allowance" and that he agreed to talk to his sister about possibly scaling back her children's birthday party.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
hmmmm
hope it works out. Asking for money every wk is a problem. Although its not from the wedding fund, its from his stash. Now if something comes up, he has no stash to dip into b/c sister got it. I'm pretty sure you'd step in to provide, but you can see where and how it can go.
His sister is inconsiderate though and only hope she understands, that her brothers life will change and wife will come first. She can't expect him to give all the time, family or not...
To what you described abt who he is, he seems to be a pleaser, which is great. I just hope it doesn't turn into him working extra hard to give sister money and provide for you and family, to make all parties happy.
You have a strange definition of "being on the same page." Your husband has a strange definition of
the two of you coming first, before his sister's needs.
I predict you are in for a lifetime of him giving his sister your money every week. But you seem to be okay with that, so whatever.
I agree with you 100%
But it seems like your FSIL takes advantage of your FI.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."