Moms and Maids

How much can I ask maids to pay for shoes?

I plan to pay for the bridesmaids dresses myself, but I'm wondering how much is appropriate to ask them to pay for when it comes to shoes. I was just in a wedding in heels all day and decided that's not for me. I've been toying with the idea of cowboy/western boots for bridesmaids (especially since we're considering October and more rustic venues where heels would be a pain), but I know some pairs can cost more than dresses. I don't know that I can afford paying for boots and dresses for everyone, plus I'd like them to be able to have some flexibility with design and such for the shoes.

Is it appropriate to ask bridesmaids to pay for such a big expense themselves, or should I pony up or ditch the idea?

Re: How much can I ask maids to pay for shoes?

  • I would ditch the idea, unless you said something like any brown boot (not specify cowboy). Cowboy boots are expensive, like you said, and only really comfy when broken in properly.

    Shoes are so personal, I wouldn't pick a specific style at all, but if you do, you should pay.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I bought my bridesmaids wedges for our outdoor wedding in May. If you want them to wear a specific shoe, you should pay for it.
    image



    Anniversary
  • I would ditch the idea not just for the reasons PPs have given (though they're very good ones!) but also because I can't stand the look of cowboy boots with dresses. It's been done a million times and much like the Converse-wearing-bridal-party trend, just makes people look like they don't know how to dress.
    image
  • I'm confused... I've always had to buy a specific shoe as a bridesmaid. Not saying this is how it should be done, but I always assumed it was a normal thing.
  • I'm confused... I've always had to buy a specific shoe as a bridesmaid. Not saying this is how it should be done, but I always assumed it was a normal thing.
    It's pretty standard on these boards that BM's should only have to pay for a dress and nothing else. FWIW, I've been in 5 weddings and I've bought shoes and paid for my hair and makeup in all of them and never thought anything of it. It's pretty standard in my area and I had never heard different until I came to TK. 
    image
  • I'm pretty fried today, so I know I'm going to word this badly ... I'm willing to come back later to clarify.

    I hate buying shoes. I have a narrow foot (AA-A, brand dependent) and none of the bridal stores in my area stock narrow shoes. I also have bad ankles that "roll" when I walk unless I'm in good shoes with supports/straps, and I can't wear stilettos. When I was told by a bride that I had to buy custom-dyed silver shoes from DB for her wedding - and the only pair I could wear were rather unattractive flats that I couldn't insert into submission - well, it sucked. I did it because she asked me to, but it wasn't out of friendship, and since she knew I had bad feet and it was hard for me to get shoes, I really would have preferred being told I could get any silver shoe. I could have made that work a lot easier. As it is, I have a pair of silver dyed shoes that I will never wear again taking up space in my closet.
  • the whole matchy-matchy bridesmaid thing isn't really in vogue anymore...there's no need for everyone to have the same dress, shoes, jewelry, and hair.  In fact, most of the time, pictures look better when you don't require the same EVERYTHING, because then all of the girls who you love so much for their individual personalities are able to showcase their personalities a little bit through different accessories, hair, makeup, etc.

     

    that having been said, if you want everyone to wear the same thing and that is important to you, you should offer to pay for it.  You said you're buying the dresses, which is nice and not necessary, but why don't you ask your girls what their budget would be and then since you're buying the dress, pick shoes that are lower than the smallest budget and have the girls buy those.  Or, if you want them all in different cowboy boots, after you get their budgets, find a few options online that are under the lowest budget and send an email to everyone with the links to those so that there are guaranteed to be options for everyone.  i wouldn't be put out about buying shoes if i wasn't buying the dress, and the shoes were under my budget. 

     

    If you anticipate the boots to be a "big expense," the bridesmaids might not be able to afford them.   i have several pairs of cowboy boots...and none of them cost under $300.  but i know you can get some in the $100-150 range if you look.  If that expense is agreeable to your bridesmaids, you can proceed with your request.  but make sure you're asking them for their budgets INDIVIDUALLY and PRIVATELY so that you're getting the truth from all of them.  you don't want them to start hating you behind your back because you've become That Bride Who Is Super Demanding and High Maintenance. :-)

  • I'm confused... I've always had to buy a specific shoe as a bridesmaid. Not saying this is how it should be done, but I always assumed it was a normal thing.
    That sucks! The only thing you're "supposed" by buy is a dress. And for the dress, the bride is supposed to ask you what your budget is and go with the lowest of all BMs. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • edited October 2013
    I would ditch the idea not just for the reasons PPs have given (though they're very good ones!) but also because I can't stand the look of cowboy boots with dresses. It's been done a million times and much like the Converse-wearing-bridal-party trend, just makes people look like they don't know how to dress.
    ^^This^^ 100%.

    Plus, for me, wearing cowboy boots would be torturous. Tell your bms what color shoes to wear and let each pick shoes that are comfortable and budget friendly. 

    It was very nice of you to pay for the bm dresses, but that doesn't make it ok to ask them to spend money on boots that they wouldn't ordinarily buy. 
                       
  • There's not a shot in hell I would agree to buy or wear cowboy boots for someone's wedding.



  • I think you should pay for them or ditch the idea.

    I am the BM in your exact scenario.  The bride is paying for the materials for the dresses and she and our mom are sewing them.  Since they did that, they have asked the BMs to pay for the cowboy boots.  I am sucking it up and doing it because I love my sister, but I'm not thrilled about it.  Cowboy boots are not my style.  I have wanted a pair of cute boots for a long time and just have not splurged on them, and now I'm having to buy a pair of boots that I will likely never wear again.

    I would have preferred to pay for the dress because the materials for it would have been much cheaper than cowboy boots which are in the $80-$100 range for a pair of "real" ones (my sister didn't want a "trendy" or "cute" cowboy boot).  Or, I wish she would have let us wear any boot, and then I could have bought a nice pair that I like.

    Maybe I can consign the boots or something.  Or even return them if they don't get scuffed (winter wedding in a very cold place so they likely won't be worn outside.)
  • I think you should pay for them or ditch the idea.

    I am the BM in your exact scenario.  The bride is paying for the materials for the dresses and she and our mom are sewing them.  Since they did that, they have asked the BMs to pay for the cowboy boots.  I am sucking it up and doing it because I love my sister, but I'm not thrilled about it.  Cowboy boots are not my style.  I have wanted a pair of cute boots for a long time and just have not splurged on them, and now I'm having to buy a pair of boots that I will likely never wear again.

    I would have preferred to pay for the dress because the materials for it would have been much cheaper than cowboy boots which are in the $80-$100 range for a pair of "real" ones (my sister didn't want a "trendy" or "cute" cowboy boot).  Or, I wish she would have let us wear any boot, and then I could have bought a nice pair that I like.

    Maybe I can consign the boots or something.  Or even return them if they don't get scuffed (winter wedding in a very cold place so they likely won't be worn outside.)
    ^This. Quite honestly, I would rather pay for a dress I might never wear again (because I know that's part of the deal when I agree to be a bridesmaid), than buy a pair of cowboy boots I know that I will never wear again. If you really want cowboy boots, I'd suggest you pay for those and have your girls pay for their dresses (unless of course you've already offered to pay for them...)
  • I'm just going to warn in advance -

     

    Cowboy boots with dresses is a current trend.  A lot of times people think it looks adorable, especially if it compliments the location of your wedding (rustic barn, etc).

     

    HOWEVER, please remember that you will be looking at the pictures of your wedding for the rest of your life.  I can guarantee you that when my aunt got married in 1986, she thought that the giant poofy sleeved dresses and matching enormous hats she had her bridesmaid wear were adorable and on-trend.  Now those pictures are the most hilarious thing i've ever seen.  I'm pretty sure she's not as amused as I am (i was the flower girl...so luckily i was adorable even in the poofy sleeves). :-)

     

    This trend may not continue.  Just be aware of that if you decide to go that route.

  • I have been in a number of weddings, but have never been asked to buy a specific style shoe. I think it's ok for the bride to request a color that can be found at your local department store (i.e. silver, gold, black, white, nude...), but that's about it. You could suggest the girls wear something comfortable, or warn them about the terrain (e.g. 'if you decide to wear heels, please consider that we will be standing on grass for the ceremony'). But you can't force them. Also, consider your BM dresses. If they're long, will the shoes even show in the pictures?
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards