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WWYD? Never received an invited...

futurepastorswifefuturepastorswife member
25 Love Its 10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
FBIL is getting married Dec 14th, in New Orleans, we are in TN.  We never received a STD or an invitation. We can't go because it's the Sat before finals and is OOT and neither of us have the money to go.  
I have a feeling that his family will be ticked that we don't show, however having never received an invite...FI is in his 30's and doesn't have a close relationship with his family, but I am thinking that if we don't go, there is no way they will show for ours.
FI actually had to FB msg them this weekend to see if they even had an official date, as he only sees updates from the FBIL's FI on FB about their wedding.

Thoughts?
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Re: WWYD? Never received an invited...

  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Really? If you didn't get an invite, just don't go. It would be odd to show up. If they are ticked, just explain that you were not invited.
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  • futurepastorswifefuturepastorswife member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    That's what I thought, especially since they FB msg'd to verify FI mailing address....A LONG TIME AGO.
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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    It's your FI's problem to deal with any of his family's conflict. You may suggest that he give his parents the heads up that you and your FI did not get an invite and wont be there BEFORE they realize this at the wedding. They can then hash it out as a family. If it ends up being a huge deal, and you are in fact invited, they can figure out a way to get you there if money is tight. I know my mom's sister can't afford to come to my wedding, so my mom is paying because she wants her there (plane ticket and hotel).

    If you are in fact not invited, you can still be gracious and invite the FBIL and his new wife, and hope the come (or not...).
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    futurepastorswife said:
    FBIL is getting married Dec 14th, in New Orleans, we are in TN.  We never received a STD or an invitation. We can't go because it's the Sat before finals and is OOT and neither of us have the money to go.  
    I have a feeling that his family will be ticked that we don't show, however having never received an invite...FI is in his 30's and doesn't have a close relationship with his family, but I am thinking that if we don't go, there is no way they will show for ours.
    FI actually had to FB msg them this weekend to see if they even had an official date, as he only sees updates from the FBIL's FI on FB about their wedding.

    Thoughts?
     Your FI isn't close to his family and they made no effort to keep him updated on details of their wedding. . . I'm guessing the reason you never received an STD or invitation to this wedding is because you guys are just not invited.

    You guys can't even go, so I wouldn't worry about it.  Send them a nice card and a gift.

    If your FI actually wants to go to this wedding, he should contact his brother or his parents and find out if there was maybe a mistake or the invitation was lost.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • rvg22rvg22 member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Sometimes people are super casual about wedding invites, especially to family. Not saying this is your situation necessarily, but I didn't get an invite to my cousin's wedding (we aren't super close, so I wasn't surprised, and it was out of state), but later I was told "we were so sad you couldn't make it!" wtf?
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    jlazgrl said:
    I feel like you should find out if you were SUPPOSED to be invited but weren't for some reason. Not from the bride or groom themselves (because then they might feel guilted into inviting you if they didn't), but maybe from his mom? I would never show up to a wedding I wasn't invited to. If someone was to show up at my wedding uninvited I wouldn't have enough food or seats for them.
    This. You pleaded a case of how you guys couldn't go though, so I don't know why you want to make a big deal out of it. BUT I would have your FI ask his mom or dad if he's invited or not since you guys haven't heard anything about it.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would stay out of it and let FI handle it, especially since they're not close. Send a gift and call it a day. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you did not receive an STD or invite then you aren't invited.  If FI family gets pissed that you didn't come then your FI should just tell them that you didn't come because you weren't invited.  This is not hard.

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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have the feeling that if your invite got lost in the mail, the couple probably would've called you to ask why they hadn't heard from you since your FI is a sibling, even if they aren't super-close.  If your FI wants to call his mom to ask if ya'll were supposed to be invited just because he hasn't seen an invite and he kind of assumed he would be, that would probably be okay.  At that time, he would also be able to tell her that ya'll wouldn't be able to come even if you were because of your plans, but it might inform her that other invites might have gotten lost in the mail for people who might actually be able to attend.

    What I would stick to in this situation is sending a card with a gift showing your well wishes and calling his mother and casually bringing it up in conversation (playing it as not the entire reason for the conversation).  Since ya'll can't make it anyway, I think it is not something to get too worked up over.
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    futurepastorswife said:
    FBIL is getting married Dec 14th, in New Orleans, we are in TN.  We never received a STD or an invitation. We can't go because it's the Sat before finals and is OOT and neither of us have the money to go.  
    I have a feeling that his family will be ticked that we don't show, however having never received an invite...FI is in his 30's and doesn't have a close relationship with his family, but I am thinking that if we don't go, there is no way they will show for ours.
    FI actually had to FB msg them this weekend to see if they even had an official date, as he only sees updates from the FBIL's FI on FB about their wedding.

    Thoughts?
    technically, it isn't 6 weeks until the wedding, so invitations might not even be in mail yet. 
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    futurepastorswife said:
    FBIL is getting married Dec 14th, in New Orleans, we are in TN.  We never received a STD or an invitation. We can't go because it's the Sat before finals and is OOT and neither of us have the money to go.  
    I have a feeling that his family will be ticked that we don't show, however having never received an invite...FI is in his 30's and doesn't have a close relationship with his family, but I am thinking that if we don't go, there is no way they will show for ours.
    FI actually had to FB msg them this weekend to see if they even had an official date, as he only sees updates from the FBIL's FI on FB about their wedding.

    Thoughts?
    You said you can't go.  What difference does it make if you receive an invitation or not?  
    Report Reply
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Have FI call his mom asking what the official wedding date is, since he doesn't seem to know 100%.  He should play if off as you two want to send a gift to the happy couple and you just want to time it to around the wedding date.  If mom then asks, why don't you know didn't you get your invite.  Then your FI should say we haven't received an invite, but aren't able to make it anyway. 
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    If you haven't received STD or invite, I would assume you weren't invited. Maybe they are having a very small wedding & only wanted to invite people he was very close with. We had to make major cuts in our guest list, although I wouldn't leave out my immediate family, but we are pretty close. But, I wouldn't be surprised if we have several family members & friends (we each only invited 1 friend) that feel left out, some who we are fairly close to, and some who hinted that they expected invites. But we wanted to keep it small so we had to decide who we were really the most close to and make some big cuts.

    That doesn't mean you can't invite them to your wedding though, if that's what you want to do. Like others have said, send a card & gift and leave it be.

    image 

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If there's confusion, why doesn't your fiance just ask his brother or his parents what's up? Problem solved. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I do not plan on sending out STDs.  They are more than a decade old and just a way to make more money to line someone else's pockets.
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