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Without a Best Man!

bkgerkebkgerke member
10 Comments First Anniversary
in Wedding Party
Months ago when we got engaged, we set our wedding party and my FI insisted upon an old high school friend who was both flakey and I had a rocky past with, despite my protests. Now, because of his persistant flakiness, my FI no longer wants him in the party. We still have almost a year before we get married, but I don't know if we should invite someone else or not. There's still enough time where it wouldn't look like we were just looking for a "stand in" and no one knew our entire bridal party except us, but we really don't have any other options. The reason this is such a big deal is that we really want our party to be even and we recognize that it would be incredibly rude to "disinvite" any of our ladies. Does anyone have any other creative suggestions??
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Re: Without a Best Man!

  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Even sides don't matter one bit, so get that out of your head.  Groomsmen and bridesmaids are honorary titles and they should just be your nearest and dearest.  Period.  If that means he has 3 GM and you have 4 BMs, that is perfectly fine.  You shouldn't be picking out your wedding party yet, anyways.  
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    If FI asked this guy to be in the wedding, and they guy accepted, FI can't "un-ask" him. Sorry.
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  • buttercup1958buttercup1958
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    what does the best man have to be even flaky about?
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  • slgirl21slgirl21 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If your FI hasn't asked him yet, then he can just invite him as a guest, but if he did ask him and he said yes, then its rude to kick him out of the WP unless he doesn't care about the friendship anymore. I know people say you have to wait 3 to 6 months before asking friends/family to be part of your WP, but I asked my friends after we had set on a date and location of the wedding and I'm perfectly happy with my choice, I've known these women for years and know they will do anything for me, same goes for my FI, so if you feel true in your heart that these men and women are who you see standing next to you and know they will always be there for you ask when you feel the time is right. GL
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    This is why you don't ask your BP over a year before your wedding.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't understand why you FI is now surprised of his flakiness if the guy has always been this way.  From the sounds of it the best man hasn't done anything wrong and has just been being his usual self which your FI should be used to by now.  Leave it alone.  If the guy flakes, he flakes, but kicking him out just makes your FI look like an ass.  And then on top of that, replacing him would be even more of a dick move.  Your wedding party does not have to be even.

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    bkgerke said:
    Months ago when we got engaged, we set our wedding party and my FI insisted upon an old high school friend who was both flakey and I had a rocky past with, despite my protests. Now, because of his persistant flakiness, my FI no longer wants him in the party. We still have almost a year before we get married, but I don't know if we should invite someone else or not. There's still enough time where it wouldn't look like we were just looking for a "stand in" and no one knew our entire bridal party except us, but we really don't have any other options. The reason this is such a big deal is that we really want our party to be even and we recognize that it would be incredibly rude to "disinvite" any of our ladies. Does anyone have any other creative suggestions??
    Obviously the best man did not change his personality for your wedding, which I can hardly believe. People who love you will always change their personality for YOUR big day. 

    /*sarcasm

    ETA: if he flakes out of the wedding, then you just don't have a best man - it's no big deal. You'll still be married.
    *********************************************************************************

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