Over-reacting to bartender?

katierose08 · November 2013

Let me start this off by saying that the bartender tried to put a tip jar up on the bar and I told her not too and that we would take care of them at the end of the night. I found out that one of the bartenders said this to one of my guests when he went to the bar "Your friend is making you look bad, he left a tip". This friend felt bad so he walked back out to his car to get his wallet to tip her. I was really embarrassed when I found this out a few days later and feel like calling the company and telling them that I thought this was really inappropriate. Am I over-reacting?

Side note: Apparently since I told them no tip jar, they required us to pay a dollar per person (estimated number we gave weeks ago) per bartender for the tip. I wasn't happy but I was understanding. Then come to find out they had been accepting tips all night and telling us that we still had to pay the same flat rate tip. This doesn't bother me as much as the issue above though.

natswild · November 2013

You're right to be upset, it's bad enough to bad mouth you behind your back, but for them to essentially ask for tips when they would be tipped out at the end of the night is very unprofessional. I would absolutely bring it up with the venue.

NYCMercedes · November 2013

I'm with you, Katierose. Pissed!

HisGirlFriday13 · November 2013

I'd be pissed as hell. And I'd tell them that you expect a refund of the difference, given their breach of your verbal agreement.

Also, I would leave HORRIBLE reviews as many places as possible.

ktjanesmom · November 2013

How can they require you pay anything if its not in a written contract?

itzMS · November 2013

I don't really get the comment the bartender made. It might be because I can't read, or due to missing punctuation.

Did a prior patron leave a tip, and the bartender "asked" the next patron for a tip? (How did she know they were friends?)

Otherwise, if the two friends were up at the bar together and one slipped her a few bucks, she probably just made a poor, mistimed joke.

We couldn't stop our guests from tipping (it's just the thing to do at the bar in our area) so I know our bartenders made out like bandits. DH & I always tip for drinks at weddings...so I'm not sure why your friend was so offended...

Jen4948 · November 2013

I would report that comment to the bartender's supervisor and/or the venue management. That was inappropriate. She had no business expecting a tip from one of the guests.

katierose08 · November 2013

I guess they went up together the first time and then one of them came back up to the bar a little later. He wasn't offended, just felt guilted into the tip. It apparently was in a contract that we were never sent. My husband did not give them the full tip yet because he wanted to talk to the person in charge first. I don't mind that guests wanted to tip, I just felt that they should have turned down tips if they were going to require a certain tip from us at the end of the night.

misssunshine17 · November 2013

I would absolutely call. I would have been pissed.

southernbelle0915 · November 2013

I got pissed just reading this. Staff don't bad mouth the hosts of the party! wtf! Report this bartender to the GM of whatever company you used.

I wouldn't pay them any more than what's outlined in your contract (no $1/drink). If you already paid, ask for a refund based on the fact that their staff were blatantly asking for and accepting tips all night. Be sure there's no mention of a tip jar in your contract (I highly doubt it, but you never know).

Depending on how they handle this call, decide whether or not you want to write a review online. If they handle it like shit, let them know you'll be writing reviews about it online.

AlexisA01 · November 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

I got pissed just reading this. Staff don't bad mouth the hosts of the party! wtf! Report this bartender to the GM of whatever company you used.

I wouldn't pay them any more than what's outlined in your contract (no $1/drink). If you already paid, ask for a refund based on the fact that their staff were blatantly asking for and accepting tips all night. Be sure there's no mention of a tip jar in your contract (I highly doubt it, but you never know).

Depending on how they handle this call, decide whether or not you want to write a review online. If they handle it like shit, let them know you'll be writing reviews about it online.

I second this. I wouldn't offer anything else except what was written in the contract. That is really shitty for them to do that.

climbingsingle · November 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

I got pissed just reading this. Staff don't bad mouth the hosts of the party! wtf! Report this bartender to the GM of whatever company you used.

I wouldn't pay them any more than what's outlined in your contract (no $1/drink). If you already paid, ask for a refund based on the fact that their staff were blatantly asking for and accepting tips all night. Be sure there's no mention of a tip jar in your contract (I highly doubt it, but you never know).

Depending on how they handle this call, decide whether or not you want to write a review online. If they handle it like shit, let them know you'll be writing reviews about it online.

This. I would be livid.

Lavender123 · November 2013

I would be mortified too - I think everything you're feeling is completely justified and you should absolutely make this a big deal with the company.

This is similar to something I was worried about - that people may see someone tip and then feel pressure. Can I insist bartenders refuse tips if they're offered (and tell them that i'll just tip more myself)?

kitty8403 · November 2013

I'm just stunned. Yes. I would be furious and no, I don't think you're overreacting!

[Deleted User] · November 2013

I would be pissed!!! I would be okay with people tipping if they want to but to guilt my guests into tips?? Oh heck no buddy!! I would raise hell for sure. but not in a mean cussing yelling way because that never seems to get me very far with companies lol.

golden1215 · November 2013

katierose08 said:

I guess they went up together the first time and then one of them came back up to the bar a little later. He wasn't offended, just felt guilted into the tip. It apparently was in a contract that we were never sent. My husband did not give them the full tip yet because he wanted to talk to the person in charge first. I don't mind that guests wanted to tip, I just felt that they should have turned down tips if they were going to require a certain tip from us at the end of the night.

as a wedding bartender myself sometimes I can say that 1) I would never, ever talk about tips to a guest but 2) I would also never turn down a tip, even if the hosts were tipping at the end of the night or there was auto gratuity.

Dreamergirl8812 · November 2013

I'd be pissed and would contact the company and leave bad reviews.

Kerigirl9 · November 2013

If there is an auto gratuity included in the cost you're paying to the venue or company then the bartender should never accept a tip. The amount is pre-arranged (either a percentage or flat fee) and is put in place so that the guests do not have to go into their pockets for gratuities. They should CERTAINLY not solicit them.

short+sassy · November 2013

I am flabbergasted. I would be BEYOND BEYOND furious if staff I hired was so rude to one of my guests like that.

Maybe this varies by region/area, but at all the catered parties I have been to (Work X-mas parties, Client Appreciation soirees, weddings, etc.) the bartenders will NOT accept tips. I still always try because I am a "tip for a drink" kind of gal, but the response has always been something to the effect of "Thank you, but a tip is not necessary" or "Thank you, but we are not accepting tips".

HaileyDancingbear · November 2013

Oh you call them and complain your ass off. I'd be insanely pissed. First off, you had a deal that you would pay the tip. So you ended up paying this jerk for tips out of your own pocket so that the guests wouldn't feel pressured to open up their wallets, and meanwhile the bartender is pressuring guests to tip? That's awful, you got screwed out of money and this jerk got double tips for disrespecting you and going behind your back. That alone sucks and is enough to complain about.

Another thing that would really get under my skin about that, is just how exceptionally rude that was. You, the customer paying for this service, made a request, and this person basically just said "F--- you I'll do whatever I want." this bartender also went as far as to make your guests feel bad, and guilt them into a tip, which I find insanely crappy of them. You put a lot of work into making sure your guests are happy and having fun. Meanwhile this her bartender is trying to make them feel bad so she can make more money off them.

If I were you I would complain, and if I was her boss, I would fire her after hearing that complaint. You don't flat out disrespect a customer. You just don't.

AMS482 · November 2013

As a bartender, I will say that you were not wrong to ask them to put the tip jar away. I recently bartended at a wedding my company catered. I was extremely uncomfortable when a random lady told me I need to put a tip jar out. Because it's my job to listen to the customers, I put a cup on the counter, then pulled it off when she walked away. Tip jars on the bar at a wedding are tacky. Period.

Over-reacting to bartender?

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