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Snarky Brides
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[Deleted User]
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Rude BM wanna bes
So I've been engaged a few months now and we're not getting married until freakin June of 2015.
I've had one friend flat out ask me if she could be a BM, one friend offer to throw me an engagement party if I made her a BM (because that's a BM job?!? Wtf!), and one friend who I haven't been close to in a year (but have been friends with for ever) start talking to me again and give me a talk about who I "really" want in my wedding party, people I just met or people I've been friends with forever, even if I hadn't been close to this person or persons, I knew that I'd been friends with them for a really long time....
1) wtf?!? I have NEVER asked to be in anyone's wedding.
2) why would anyone WANT to be a BM?? It's a lot of work and costs money even if your bride is the most considerate!
3) Who picks their bridal party 19 months before the wedding??? I mean I'm a super planner and I want a lot of things figured out ASAP but not the bridal party!
Rant over... For now
I've had one friend flat out ask me if she could be a BM, one friend offer to throw me an engagement party if I made her a BM (because that's a BM job?!? Wtf!), and one friend who I haven't been close to in a year (but have been friends with for ever) start talking to me again and give me a talk about who I "really" want in my wedding party, people I just met or people I've been friends with forever, even if I hadn't been close to this person or persons, I knew that I'd been friends with them for a really long time....
1) wtf?!? I have NEVER asked to be in anyone's wedding.
2) why would anyone WANT to be a BM?? It's a lot of work and costs money even if your bride is the most considerate!
3) Who picks their bridal party 19 months before the wedding??? I mean I'm a super planner and I want a lot of things figured out ASAP but not the bridal party!
Rant over... For now
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Rude BM wanna bes
At the same time, though, three of my closest friends have just announced that they are in the wedding. I laugh about it, because I know that they will be (when I ask them), but no one has been asked yet). Luckily, these are real, current, VIP women in my life. If it were some random girl, I'd be very put off by it.
Even if all a person had to do was show up sober and be in a wedding, that's work! And the smiling ugh and the pictures lol. But I think BMs end up doing a lot of things like wrapping up a million hersy kisses with notes that say "hugs and kisses from the mr and mrs" on them! Not all BMs if course but a fair amount!
No BM needs to do any wedding task. Ever. It's called having a backbone and saying "Oh I'm so sorry, Bride, but I am unable to help with your favors/invitations/destination bachelorette party, etc".
You're smart to not ask your wedding party for another 9 months or so. However I do feel you should be honored that people are excited for you. We see probably a post a month from a sad bride who wants bridesmaids, but has no one to ask.
I would hate to lose any friends over this!!! I could see how if someone thought we were BM friends and I obviously didn't by not asking them to be a BM, how that could hurt their feelings enough to end a friendship
This is why people elope!!!
No, it's still a lot of work. Face it--at the very least, there's fittings, alterations, the dress expenses, getting ready, putting up with random groomsmen and strangers, coping with last-minute bridal panic (torn stocking or slipping veil, anybody?), getting your photo taken 967,000 times, and probably travel, lodging, and meals expenses on top of it. It is a job! Hats off to any lady who does it! :-)
#3 I started picking about 10 months out. I don't really want a huge crowd so I only asked three people. But if FI decides he wants a larger party or we'd rather have someone else participate too, we can always ask more to stand with us.
I've never thought to ASK someone if I could be in their wedding!!! And my friend who offered up they party in exchange for BM status is 36!!! That is not young kid age!!!
No, it's still a lot of work. Face it--at the very least, there's fittings, alterations, the dress expenses, getting ready, putting up with random groomsmen and strangers, coping with last-minute bridal panic (torn stocking or slipping veil, anybody?), getting your photo taken 967,000 times, and probably travel, lodging, and meals expenses on top of it. It is a job! Hats off to any lady who does it! :-)
_______________
I hope you're being sarcastic!
How is getting ready for a wedding as a bridesmaid a lot of work?
I've been a bridesmaid several times. After doing my hair (which I would be doing anyways) I put on my dress and sit around waiting for the ceremony to start (which I would also be doing even as a guest). Is this not the norm?!?
How is being escorted by a groomsman for all of a minute total or getting your picture taken work?!?
*Confused*
So anyway, a bit of a tangent, that while yes, the bridal party doesn't have to throw any of those parties, they usually do, so it's not really out of line to say that being a bridesmaid is usually a lot of work. It's just something you do because one of your best friends is getting married and you want to do it for her. That's why I enjoy being a bridesmaid.
So let me see if I understand here, you think it would be okay to tell my friend that sure she could be a bridesmaid if she hosted me an engagement party so that I wouldn't have to be so "rude" as to host one myself? You think that "good friends" offer to host you parties on conditions like that they get to be a part of your wedding?
I won't be hosting my own engagement party but I also will not be accepting an offer to host one from someone who has conditions like "if I can be if your bridal party" and I feel like your views here might be a little skewed if you think it would be cool to accept that offer.
I won't be hosting my own engagement party but I also will not be accepting an offer to host one from someone who has conditions like "if I can be if your bridal party" and I feel like your views here might be a little skewed if you think it would be cool to accept that offer.
I hope you're being sarcastic!
How is getting ready for a wedding as a bridesmaid a lot of work?
I've been a bridesmaid several times. After doing my hair (which I would be doing anyways) I put on my dress and sit around waiting for the ceremony to start (which I would also be doing even as a guest). Is this not the norm?!?
How is being escorted by a groomsman for all of a minute total or getting your picture taken work?!?
*Confused*
Not the tiniest bit sarcastic.
Yes, the "job" is showing up in the dress. That assumes you spent the time and money to go to appointments or work with the bride to get the dress. You seem to be assuming the dress fits properly in the first place. If it does not, you will be spending time doing fittings or last-minute alterations (as happened to me one time when the strapless gowns we ordered came in several sizes too big).
Spending hours getting made up, hair done and your picture taken isn't work? Tell that to any aspiring model or actress.
And as I pointed out, you likely have travel costs. If you're going out of town, you also need lodging and will have other expenses. You might need childcare, or time off work. It is a lot to ask, and respecting that is the least we can do when considering WP members.
ETA: my MOH lives a couple thousand miles away. She has four kids and a chronic illness. Just standing next to me in the same state in a dress that fits her well is going to be expensive and demanding. I know that. I appreciate what she will be doing going in, and I definitely do not dismiss her contribution or effort as a trivial thing.
Another bridesmaid is a veteran headed back to college. A couple hundred bucks for some dress is no big deal when she's got full-time work, but it'll be another story here in a few months. For a lot of people, just buying the dress and getting there is burdensome, ok? It could mean hours of overtime or extra shifts. Traded in sick time or vacation days. Air miles they were planning to spend on themselves. Changes to work or school schedules. Acting like bridesmaids don't do anything at all is just insensitive.