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Maid of Honor is making my wedding her wedding... :(

My moh is my best friend since kindergarden. We have always known that she will be my moh and I will be hers. Well she is about 6 months out of a failed serious relationship and I am about 7 months away from my wedding. So instead of sitting around and thinking about how sad she is about her ex she has decided to throw herself into helping me with my wedding. Only problem is, she is way to overbearing.. I have A LOT done already and she keeps going out and buying things and changing things. She said she won't wear one of the dresses I picked because their "not her style" and she said that the center pieces I made are ugly so she litteraly just made her own using my stuff. She went into my gargage while I was at work and took out mason jars and made them the way she wanted them to be. She also took one of my table numbers which was freshly stained and filled it with royal blue sand (not even my color) and put a battery candle in it. (table numbers are little wooden buckets that my mom and I stained at painted the number on, so cute!!). So now the blue sand is dried into the stain... I hate colored sand and battery lights. She bought me a white silky dress to wear to my rehearsal dinner and I have to be honest, I HATE it... I'm trying not to be mean to her so I have been being a push over so I don't hurt her feelings, she is making the past month for me very stressful and unenjoyable.. What do I do?!

Re: Maid of Honor is making my wedding her wedding... :(

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    My moh is my best friend since kindergarden. We have always known that she will be my moh and I will be hers. Well she is about 6 months out of a failed serious relationship and I am about 7 months away from my wedding. So instead of sitting around and thinking about how sad she is about her ex she has decided to throw herself into helping me with my wedding. Only problem is, she is way to overbearing.. I have A LOT done already and she keeps going out and buying things and changing things. She said she won't wear one of the dresses I picked because their "not her style" and she said that the center pieces I made are ugly so she litteraly just made her own using my stuff. She went into my gargage while I was at work and took out mason jars and made them the way she wanted them to be. She also took one of my table numbers which was freshly stained and filled it with royal blue sand (not even my color) and put a battery candle in it. (table numbers are little wooden buckets that my mom and I stained at painted the number on, so cute!!). So now the blue sand is dried into the stain... I hate colored sand and battery lights. She bought me a white silky dress to wear to my rehearsal dinner and I have to be honest, I HATE it... I'm trying not to be mean to her so I have been being a push over so I don't hurt her feelings, she is making the past month for me very stressful and unenjoyable.. What do I do?!
    What do you do? You stand up to her. Not in a mean, overbearing way, but you can't keep letting her do whatever she wants with your wedding.

    Sit her down over a drink or a cup of coffee or something and say that while you really appreciate the fact that she wants to be so involved in the planning process, you need her to respect the decisions that you and your FI have made and to not try to change things regarding the decor, what you (the bride) will be wearing, etc. 

    That being said, she should have significant input on what she will be wearing to your wedding. Just as it is rude of her to pick out your rehearsal dress for you, it is rude of any bride to mandate that their BP has to wear something without at least asking their opinion first (as well as finding out their budget, privately).
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    My moh is my best friend since kindergarden. We have always known that she will be my moh and I will be hers. Well she is about 6 months out of a failed serious relationship and I am about 7 months away from my wedding. So instead of sitting around and thinking about how sad she is about her ex she has decided to throw herself into helping me with my wedding. Only problem is, she is way to overbearing.. I have A LOT done already and she keeps going out and buying things and changing things. She said she won't wear one of the dresses I picked because their "not her style" and she said that the center pieces I made are ugly so she litteraly just made her own using my stuff. She went into my gargage while I was at work and took out mason jars and made them the way she wanted them to be. She also took one of my table numbers which was freshly stained and filled it with royal blue sand (not even my color) and put a battery candle in it. (table numbers are little wooden buckets that my mom and I stained at painted the number on, so cute!!). So now the blue sand is dried into the stain... I hate colored sand and battery lights. She bought me a white silky dress to wear to my rehearsal dinner and I have to be honest, I HATE it... I'm trying not to be mean to her so I have been being a push over so I don't hurt her feelings, she is making the past month for me very stressful and unenjoyable.. What do I do?!
    To the first bold: Too.Damn.Bad. I have been a BM five times, and every time, I have worn some horrible pastel satin creation that is not even remotely my style, but I have sucked it up and worn it for my friend, the bride, because it's one damn day. Now, if you're picking something that's low-cut and revealing or short and tight, that's different -- if she's uncomfortable wearing it because of how it's cut, you need to be more accommodating.

    To the second bad: Ditto @allispain. You sit her down and explain that this is YOUR wedding and you will do things YOUR way and whether she likes that or not isn't your problem. Be firm, but be nice. And then once you've had the conversation, bean-dip the hell out of her.

    Her: I don't like your centrepieces; they're too plain. I want glitter.
    You: Oh? Have you tried this bean dip. It's really good.
    Her: Glitter! It needs more glitter! Everything needs glitter!
    You: Do you think there's jalapeno in this?
    Her: Glitter! Blue! Lights!
    You: Excuse me, I need to go get the recipe from Sally, bye. 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    Stand up or deal with the fact that you are going to hate your wedding. Oh and by the way, she has no right to hurt your mother's feelings,which is exactly what she did by changing the work your mother did on centerpieces with you.  
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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited October 2013
    My moh is my best friend since kindergarden. We have always known that she will be my moh and I will be hers. Well she is about 6 months out of a failed serious relationship and I am about 7 months away from my wedding. So instead of sitting around and thinking about how sad she is about her ex she has decided to throw herself into helping me with my wedding. Only problem is, she is way to overbearing.. I have A LOT done already and she keeps going out and buying things and changing things. She said she won't wear one of the dresses I picked because their "not her style" and she said that the center pieces I made are ugly so she litteraly just made her own using my stuff. She went into my gargage while I was at work and took out mason jars and made them the way she wanted them to be. She also took one of my table numbers which was freshly stained and filled it with royal blue sand (not even my color) and put a battery candle in it. (table numbers are little wooden buckets that my mom and I stained at painted the number on, so cute!!). So now the blue sand is dried into the stain... I hate colored sand and battery lights. She bought me a white silky dress to wear to my rehearsal dinner and I have to be honest, I HATE it... I'm trying not to be mean to her so I have been being a push over so I don't hurt her feelings, she is making the past month for me very stressful and unenjoyable.. What do I do?!
    To the first bold: Too.Damn.Bad. I have been a BM five times, and every time, I have worn some horrible pastel satin creation that is not even remotely my style, but I have sucked it up and worn it for my friend, the bride, because it's one damn day. Now, if you're picking something that's low-cut and revealing or short and tight, that's different -- if she's uncomfortable wearing it because of how it's cut, you need to be more accommodating.

    To the second bad: Ditto @allispain. You sit her down and explain that this is YOUR wedding and you will do things YOUR way and whether she likes that or not isn't your problem. Be firm, but be nice. And then once you've had the conversation, bean-dip the hell out of her.

    Her: I don't like your centrepieces; they're too plain. I want glitter.
    You: Oh? Have you tried this bean dip. It's really good.
    Her: Glitter! It needs more glitter! Everything needs glitter!
    You: Do you think there's jalapeno in this?
    Her: Glitter! Blue! Lights!
    You: Excuse me, I need to go get the recipe from Sally, bye. 
    Never mind, my reading comprehension sucks!
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    zitiqueen said:





    My moh is my best friend since kindergarden. We have always known that she will be my moh and I will be hers. Well she is about 6 months out of a failed serious relationship and I am about 7 months away from my wedding. So instead of sitting around and thinking about how sad she is about her ex she has decided to throw herself into helping me with my wedding. Only problem is, she is way to overbearing.. I have A LOT done already and she keeps going out and buying things and changing things. She said she won't wear one of the dresses I picked because their "not her style" and she said that the center pieces I made are ugly so she litteraly just made her own using my stuff. She went into my gargage while I was at work and took out mason jars and made them the way she wanted them to be. She also took one of my table numbers which was freshly stained and filled it with royal blue sand (not even my color) and put a battery candle in it. (table numbers are little wooden buckets that my mom and I stained at painted the number on, so cute!!). So now the blue sand is dried into the stain... I hate colored sand and battery lights. She bought me a white silky dress to wear to my rehearsal dinner and I have to be honest, I HATE it... I'm trying not to be mean to her so I have been being a push over so I don't hurt her feelings, she is making the past month for me very stressful and unenjoyable.. What do I do?!
    To the first bold: Too.Damn.Bad. I have been a BM five times, and every time, I have worn some horrible pastel satin creation that is not even remotely my style, but I have sucked it up and worn it for my friend, the bride, because it's one damn day. Now, if you're picking something that's low-cut and revealing or short and tight, that's different -- if she's uncomfortable wearing it because of how it's cut, you need to be more accommodating.


    To the second bad: Ditto @allispain. You sit her down and explain that this is YOUR wedding and you will do things YOUR way and whether she likes that or not isn't your problem. Be firm, but be nice. And then once you've had the conversation, bean-dip the hell out of her.



    Her: I don't like your centrepieces; they're too plain. I want glitter.

    You: Oh? Have you tried this bean dip. It's really good.

    Her: Glitter! It needs more glitter! Everything needs glitter!

    You: Do you think there's jalapeno in this?

    Her: Glitter! Blue! Lights!

    You: Excuse me, I need to go get the recipe from Sally, bye. 
    Never mind, my reading comprehension sucks!

    LOL! Ok :)

    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    edited October 2013
    What the fuck? This woman is off her rocker!!! Sit her down and tell her to knock that shit off, she's wasting her money buying stuff that's not in the playbook, that she's going to wear whatever dress within her budget that you pick out and to stop acting like such a crazy psycho. Tell her that you're a fucking adult (which is why you're getting married) and you don't need her to set your clothes out for school - tell her to return that ugly RD dress stat. And tell her if she breaks into your house, you're going to call the fucking police. To say all that in a nicer way, I'd say it like this:

    "You have been my friend for a long time and I love you dearly. I'm so happy that you'll be standing up there next to me when I get married. My wedding is very important to my fiance and I. We are working hard to make it everything we've envisioned. I appreciate your efforts and support, but unfortunately, it's going to waste because these are things we have already decided on. The BM dress we picked out stands and is within your budget. I have notified all the BMs to purchase this dress by (insert date) in order to stand up in the wedding. Thanks for your understanding on this. Unfortunately, I won't be using your centerpieces or the dress you bought for me - I appreciate your input, but it's simply not what FI and I have in mind. It's also not ok for you to go into my house when I'm not home and without my permission. It's nothing personal, I wouldn't be ok with anyone doing this. As my best friend, I need to know that you respect these boundaries."

    And keep this woman far away from any DIY projects. She's creating a lot of unnecessary work for you. 
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    I agree with everyone else here.  You need to stand up to her.  If you don't, your wedding will have everything she wants and not a whole lot of what you want.  She had no right to go in your home without your permission.  She probably means well, but it's out of control. 

    As for her BM dress - As long as its within the budget she set then and its not something that makes her uncomfortable, she needs to shut up and wear the dress.  I went shopping with my sister, my MOH, when it was time to pick out her dress.  She found several dresses that were within her budget and that she felt comfortable in.  And then I picked the one I liked the most.  She was happy and I was happy.  I have been a bridesmaid and had no input on the dress whatsoever.  I kept my mouth shut and wore the dress. 

    Tell her that you don't like the dress for the rehearsal that she bought.  There is nothing wrong with having different tastes and styles.  But you will be wearing it and she needs to respect that. 

     

    And I agree that she needs to be kept far away from any DIY projects since she refuses to respect your wishes and just does whatever she wants.

     

    Good luck.  She might try and call you ungrateful or that you don't appreciate her.  Explain that you do appreciate her wanting  to help but she has to listen to what you want. 

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    Can I also reiterate that she broke into your house? The woman needs a hobby outside of your wedding and maybe a therapist.
    Seriously, it sounds like she may have some major issues going on here.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    She sounds like a stalker. Have the come to Jesus talk, and talk to any mutual friends or family members of hers and see if they can maybe help tone her down or let you know if she's off her meds or something.
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    Anniversary
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    southernbelle0915 - would you please stop using the "F" word? It is offensive to some of us.

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    Swearing isn't against TOS and is specifically permitted by KGs.
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    southernbelle0915 - would you please stop using the "F" word? It is offensive to some of us.

    Then you should probably never read 90% of my posts. Like KeptInStitches said, cursing is not against the TOS and as adults we are allowed to use whatever language we would like. You telling other posters to refrain from using certain words is basically telling others how to post which is against the TOS. If you don't like the language then don't read the post.

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    jackman36 said:

    southernbelle0915 - would you please stop using the "F" word? It is offensive to some of us.

    Sorry but no.
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    Maggie0829 and KeptinStitches - I will not stop reading the posts as I very much enjoy reading this website. Defend and use the "F" word as much as you want, but understand that you are making yourselves sound like ignorant trash. But that is your choice. Kisses!
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    I like the internet and I can socially interact without swearing. I understand the value and valid use of swearing as a vent, but it does not belong on this website. This wedding website is supposed to help young brides-to-be with their questions, and not to be verbally abused. Knock it off. 
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    Hello Professor Allispain - is it polite to swear?

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    Didn't tell you not to read the posts - just said you can't tell people how to post, specifically with regards to profanity.
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    jackman36 said:

    Hello Professor Allispain - is it polite to swear?

    Depends on your definition of "polite" since there are several of them. Personally, I do not see swearing as being impolite. Obviously you take issue with that, and you have the right to. But it's one thing to take issue with how others speak, and it's another thing to insult them for speaking that way. One is the holding of a personal belief - the other is imposing your own personal belief on others.

    And with that, I'm done with this post, since I don't want to contribute any more than I already have to a thread jacking. OP, if you're even still here and are reading these posts, I apologize for our collective action of taking this off track, and I hope that you have had luck dealing with your friend!
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    I find swearing vulgar and insulting on this website and I know I am not alone. Enough of this ridiculous nonsense and back to the issue at hand.
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    jackman36 said:
    Maggie0829 and KeptinStitches - I will not stop reading the posts as I very much enjoy reading this website. Defend and use the "F" word as much as you want, but understand that you are making yourselves sound like ignorant trash. But that is your choice. Kisses!
    Is it your opinion that I am ignorant trash because I use the word 'fuck'?
    jackman36 said:
    I like the internet and I can socially interact without swearing. Wow, are you a superhero? I understand the value and valid use of swearing as a vent, but it does not belong on this website. No actually that's not correct. Swearing is explicitly called out in the TOS as permissible. Perhaps you should read that document before you start deciding what "belongs" here and what doesn't. This wedding website is supposed to help young brides-to-be with their questions, and not to be verbally abused. Knock it off. 
    1) No one here is being verbally abused. I'm shocked that someone who considers themselves so morally pure would use the term "abuse" so loosely. 
    2) You can tell people to "knock it off", but no one's going to listen to you. We are internet strangers abiding 100% by the TOS laid out by this website. If you don't like it, may I suggest WW or WB?
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    @jackman36 - what makes this website so special that you think swearing is not appropriate?  And how is calling people "ignorant trash" any less rude then me using swear words?  And you are right, this is ridiculous nonsense.  You don't like cursing then fine, but I am still going to use it and be my ignorant trashy self.  Kisses!

    Eye Roll

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    jackman36

    Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.......

    OP, What the Fuck you need to put this woman in her place!

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    jackman36 said:
    I like the internet and I can socially interact without swearing. I understand the value and valid use of swearing as a vent, but it does not belong on this website. This wedding website is supposed to help young brides-to-be with their questions, and not to be verbally abused. Knock it off. 

    But YOURE the one who called her trash! Lolol. IT IS SPECIFICALLY PERMITTED. I'd rather be ignorant trash than a super-sensitive person who gets butthurt when strangers on the internet don't do what I want them to.

     

    Back to the matter at hand...OP, I completely agree with PPs. You need to put your foot down. be firm and do not back down; she has no right to change things that you have already decide on and made just because she doesn't like them. She also has no right to break into your garage...that's a huge boundary. Good luck to you!

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    Thank you everyone for your inputs and words of advice! I have been very busy with work (and wedding planning) and haven't been able to get on here lately to read posts. But thank you all. She has calmed down a little. I talked to her, I showed her my "secret" pintrest board and the things we wanted. I said I love that she likes to help but I would prefer that we do the projects together. She understood and now every Tuesday we get together to watch our favorite show and do a little wedding talk. But I definitely keep the wedding talk to a minimum. Mostly she just wants to talk about how she hates one of the other bridesmaids. But I said, "Sorry you will just have to get over that, She's my future sister in law!" But once again, thank you all! 
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