Question I thought of from the aww crap thread - BJs

lovesclimbing · November 2013

So, in the "aww crap" thread, the OP was asking what to get her H for his birthday. They just got back from the wedding. Several ladies said something along the lines of favorite meal plus a BJ.

So my question to all of you is, does your FI/H/BF really think BJs are that awesome? Sure, my H likes them pretty well, but he would much much rather have actual sex. Having sex would be a better gift than a BJ for him.

doeydo · November 2013

I don't think of having sex or giving oral sex as a gift. If that was my "gift" I'd probably be a little mad. Don't get me wrong, I really like sex with my FI, but it doesn't qualify as a gift to me.

But, yes my FI would prefer sex over a BJ.

JCbride2015 · November 2013

Haha, I agreed with the "steak and a BJ" thing more as an example of something nice to do for FI, but definitely a low-key night. Not really a gift in itself. I would never "give" FI a BJ for his bday or Christmas as an actual gift. That said, FI really loves BJs, sometimes I suspect more than actual sex!

WinstonsGirl · November 2013

DH prefers regular sex to oral. He worries too much that I won't like it down there even though I've told him I don't mind at all. But he can't stop worrying about it, so it's harder for him to enjoy. He won't turn it down though, but prefers it as a warm up to sex rather than the whole shbang

AddieCake · November 2013

My husband prefers sex to oral, but he does enjoy them.

climbingsingle · November 2013

My FI thinks BJs are awesome. He thinks sex is awesome. I don't think he'd ever choose a BJ over sex. In his ideal world, he would get both every day.

CLI242009 · November 2013

FI loves BJs but gets absolutely more pleasure with sex.

He gets both anyways lol so no need for me to make him choose.

As a gift, I wouldn't just because he gets them on a regular basis anyways. That wouldn't be something special. A strip tease or lap dance is something he would like because I don't do those kinds of things.

WonderRed · November 2013

JCBride2014 said:

Haha, I agreed with the "steak and a BJ" thing more as an example of something nice to do for FI, but definitely a low-key night. Not really a gift in itself.

Uh, yeah. This. Sarcasm font people.

But yes. He does love them but it's not a "gift" because he gets them regularly regardless. And it's not a matter of choosing one over the other. I agree with ClimbingBrideNY, if he could have both daily all would be right in his world.

CLI242009 · November 2013

WonderRed said:

JCBride2014 said:

Haha, I agreed with the "steak and a BJ" thing more as an example of something nice to do for FI, but definitely a low-key night. Not really a gift in itself.

Uh, yeah. This. Sarcasm font people.

But yes. He does love them but it's not a "gift" because he gets them regularly regardless. And it's not a matter of choosing one over the other. I agree with ClimbingBrideNY, if he could have both daily all would be right in his world.

I'm in the minority here then. If that was my gift I would not be mad at all. I mean the gift being to give him the BJ or to receive oral, I'd be happy about that no matter who did what lol

I guess I just don't understand how that is considered "something nice" to do for your BF, FI or H when I would happily just do it. Special occasion or not. Something nice, is treating him out to his fave restaurant, dinner and a movie, something along those lines. That's just me *shrugs*

AddieCake · November 2013

Yeah, I don't think of it as something nice or special, either. It's part of our regular sex life, not some holy grail of sex action.

CLI242009 · November 2013

AddieL73 said:

Yeah, I don't think of it as something nice or special, either. It's part of our regular sex life, not some holy grail of sex action.

Bold made me LOL - Thanks for that!!

Don't get me wrong I know of many guys (friends lol) that think like this. They also have the SOs that do not like giving oral (which is perfectly fine, it's your comfort zone, everyone is different).

I just don't like hearing girls say "He doesn't get a BJ unless it's for a special occasion, b-day, he did something great for me, etc." That I find wrong. The whole with holding sex thing....I just don't agree with it & they are girls who have no problem with oral but refuse to do it because their man has to "earn" it....>.> I want to say to them, "I'm sorry I didn't know the man you loved was your pet dog." I keep my mouth shut because it's not my business. I just don't find it right. Again to each their own.

Have no idea about the weird a$$ font switching o.O???

chibiyui · November 2013

If FI had to choose, he would take sex over a BJ anyday.

He doesn't have to though, BJ's lead into intercourse.

I also don't understand women who withhold sex or BJ's, I've yet to meet one in IRL so I always assumed they're like lame unicorns.

CLI242009 · November 2013

chibiyui said:

If FI had to choose, he would take sex over a BJ anyday.

He doesn't have to though, BJ's lead into intercourse.

I also don't understand women who withhold sex or BJ's, I've yet to meet one in IRL so I always assumed they're like lame unicorns.

LMAO - was not expecting that xD

Also the BJ leading to intercourse, ditto on that.

No I know quite a few girls, back from my hometown that think I'm frickin crazy for well finding it exciting to do that for my sweetie. Some say it's gross, majority are like what I stated above. The guy has to earn it....

I know two girls in particular that freaked out at the idea of masturbating. We knew they have had sex but they didn't allow oral on them and they never did oral on the guy. I'm kind of like...if you're not comfortable with your own body....how do you get naked and have sex with someone? They always came back and said, they were okay with their bodies, they just wanted to "get right to it" or "anything down there unless it's the private parts touching is nasty/gross". Yes these girls were younger than me....I was just totally bewildered by their reaction.

Edit: Sorry didn't mean to change the subject. Just thought it was related. Ignore me lol

kitty8403 · November 2013

FI, ummm, appreciates all of it, but BJs aren't really "gift" material in my book, either. They happen when they happen. I think it's kind of, IDK, lazy? Selfish? to just buy yourself lingerie or whatever, do sex stuff, and call that his "present." If your guy showed up in silk boxers going hey baby and called himself a birthday gift, you'd most likely not be all that happy. I mean, what's it really take to get him something? 10 bucks and a liquor store?

climbingsingle · November 2013

Yeah, sex stuff I do with (not for) with FI is never a gift. I enjoy doing it.

The whole Steak & BJ thing was started by men - men that probably don't get sex very often from their SOs. I sadly know quite a few women that have no sex drives after having kids and rarely have sex with their husbands. But it's continued as a joke and I think when it's suggested, it really just means do something nice for your SO.

CLI242009 · November 2013

Yup. It's most likely from the couples with a lack of sex drive/intimacy.

I know it's a joke and all, but when you hear serious conversations going on about how a guy or a girl has to earn something sexual, I think that's pretty bad. Wrong even in my mind.

Climbing - yes it is unfortunate when men or women lose their sex drive and their SO does not.

Kitty - I agree as well, although for the women and men who think their SO has to "earn" oral or intercourse or something kinky (like anal, tying up, etc.) something out of the norm, do not see this as lazy. They see it as something that is okay. Sometimes if the woman or man doesn't like doing it, that's usually why they say their spouse has to earn it. Since it's something they do not like. I just think it does more harm than good.

radleyboo · November 2013

BJ's are part of our routine on a fairly regular basis, H loves them, but far prefers sex. He gets more during my time of the month, because I don't feel that he needs to go without just because nature takes over for a few days.

As for sex for a gift or a reward, I guess I just don't get that. I suppose if you went all out and maybe rented a posh hotel room and did a whole seduction night thing with lingerie, champagne, maybe new toys or whatever you're into, that would be fun, but I wouldn't need an occasion for that. I'd do it because it's fun! I would feel weird saying, "Happy Birthday here's your BJ."

I also agree that sex is such an important part of a healthy relationship, it's hard to hear about couples who let it go for whatever reason. I always feel exceptionally close to H after a good romp.

lovesclimbing · November 2013

Thanks for your responses! It looks like the majority of your SOs prefer sex to a BJ, at least a little bit.

I agree with those who have said sex, of any sort, is not a gift. For his birthday/Christmas/anniversary/whatever, I get him an actual present of something he wants or I know he'd like. Sure, we'll likely have sex as well, but we have sex several times a week anyway, so it wouldn't be any more special, not saying it isn't special, than it is every other time we have it.

Question I thought of from the aww crap thread - BJs

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