Is this real life? Wedding ceremony, no reception trend...

itzMS · September 2013

Due to my pending offspring, I follow a "birth club" forum on a different site that is not TB.

Here's the story one girl posted:

Originally they were planning a civil ceremony at the courthouse (no guests), but their family really wanted to be present. So the poster and her FI agreed to get married at their church. And invite guests (immediate family on both sides). They are "too poor" to host a reception, so they wanted everyone to meet up at a restaurant after the ceremony and pay for their own meals. My mind was blown just at that. Of course, the OP said her guests were commenting that it's rude to do that.

But then EVERYONE on the forum commenting on her post called her guests "selfish" for expecting to be fed, wanting a free meal, etc, etc. "It's your day...if they don't want to pay they don't have to come" "I would never expect a bride and groom to thank me for coming" "The guests should simply feel honored you invited them"

Holy shit.

Then I googled "Wedding ceremony, no reception" and TONS of people actually do this.

I'm almost ready to give up hope.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

Don't give up hope!!

I don't believe ANYONE who says they're too poor to host a reception. Have your wedding at 2pm, make your wedding cake out of stuff in the baking aisle, make some lemonade from concentrate, and end the party at 4pm. BAM! Wedding reception and proper hosting for about $10.

If anyone is selfish in that scenario, it's the B&G for not budgeting the $10 it would cost to properly host people who are apparently important enough to witness their marriage, but not important enough to spend $10 on. Shenanigans.

Ajuliana · September 2013

Seriously, have friends or your mom over and bake two dozen cupcakes and throw some frosting on em. Youre telling me nobody you know has extra boxes of frosting around? Bullshit.

KatWAG · September 2013

Unpop opinion ahead... if you are "too poor" to buy dinner for a few of your closests friends and family, how can you afford a child?

KeptInStitches · September 2013

I love that you refer to your kid as "pending offspring." Makes me smile.

And if generic you can afford to go to a restaurant with your new H, you can afford to host a cake-and-punch reception with a couple of meat and crackers trays, too.

itzMS · September 2013

I was honestly the ONLY person on the thread to say something contrary to "It's your day, honey!"

I'm amazed that the poster and her FI agreed to invite guests and it never even remotely crossed their minds to host the guests for a meal or some appetizers and cake.

FiancB · September 2013

It's not the first time I heard of it. Meh. I wouldn't want to do it as I almost care more about the reception than the ceremony, but if they were just wanting to do a civil ceremony and it's really casual and people sort of invited themselves, then whatever. It's a free country. It sounds like this is pushed more by the guests than the couple themselves.

grumbledore · September 2013

It's not the first time I heard of it. Meh. I wouldn't want to do it as I almost care more about the reception than the ceremony, but if they were just wanting to do a civil ceremony and it's really casual and people sort of invited themselves, then whatever. It's a free country. It sounds like this is pushed more by the guests than the couple themselves. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's really no proper way to have no reception when you have any guests at your ceremony. A home-baked cake and a few bottles of soda or juice is cheap as hell. There's no excuse for this.

I will agree that it sounds like the B&G in this situation let their families railroad them into something they never wanted, which sucks. But still, they allowed it.

allispain · September 2013

When my sister got married, she gave everyone 5 day's notice. 5. That was it. Her wedding was at the courthouse with a JOP and about 30 people were there to witness it (mostly her H's family due to our living much further away). In those 5 days, she still managed to put together a lovely reception at a local restaurant. The reception was paid for without any problems (it didn't cost much since there was no decor - we just had food and cake). Had the money not been in bank accounts to pay for this reception, it would have been cake and punch at my parents' house. I can't imagine not having some form of reception for your guests - and I especially can't imagine asking your guests to pay for their own dinner in celebration of your wedding.

ElcaB · September 2013

Upon reading this, I immediately wonder what she's wearing to the courthouse. Did she buy a pricey wedding dress? I don't know the details, but I get tired of hearing people (friends, reality TV, etc.) claim they have no money. Not long ago, I listened to my girlfriend whine about how broke she is, only to see her take a trip to Vegas a week later. It gets on my nerves. There is a difference between, "I choose not to spend money on that," and "I have no money." I wish people would learn it.

NYCBruin · September 2013

ElcaB said:

Upon reading this, I immediately wonder what she's wearing to the courthouse. Did she buy a pricey wedding dress? I don't know the details, but I get tired of hearing people (friends, reality TV, etc.) claim they have no money. Not long ago, I listened to my girlfriend whine about how broke she is, only to see her take a trip to Vegas a week later. It gets on my nerves. There is a difference between, "I choose not to spend money on that," and "I have no money." I wish people would learn it.

This drives me nuts to no end. You see it on this board with people claiming they "have" to have a cash bar or "can't afford" to include SOs, but no one seems to think of cutting the budget for things that are bride-centric (like flowers or the dress) rather than cutting things intended for guests' comfort.

I have a few friends who do the same thing. I recently had a friend whine to me that it was so unfair that she "couldn't afford" to go to a baseball game with all of us WHILE she was holding several shopping bags of new clothes. Based on the names on the shopping bags and the price of the tickets, she could have easily bought the ticket and had lots of money to spare if she hadn't just gone on a shopping spree. It's her money and she can choose how to spend it, but I hate when people say they are broke when they clearly aren't.

itzMS · September 2013

Robloveshallie said:

What I don't understand is how they can afford to go out to eat but they can't afford to bake a few cupcakes and throw a cheese tray or two down on the table?

I thought about this, too, but I'm pretty sure she was thinking her meal would be paid for by someone since they are the Bride and Groom, after all. :-p

photokitty · September 2013

She never should have caved when her family wanted to see the wedding. She should have just had the JOP ceremony as planned and if people showed up at a public place on their own accord, uninvited then so be it.

cidefi · October 2013

I don't think having a baby means that u can't afford a baby. Maybe they decided to take their budget and put it towards the baby's needs who knows. Either way they shoulda stayed with the civil ceremony.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

cidefi said:

I don't think having a baby means that u can't afford a baby. Maybe they decided to take their budget and put it towards the baby's needs who knows. Either way they shoulda stayed with the civil ceremony.

???

GypsyWife_ · October 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

cidefi said:

I don't think having a baby means that u can't afford a baby. Maybe they decided to take their budget and put it towards the baby's needs who knows. Either way they shoulda stayed with the civil ceremony.

???

This made me giggle. I picture her saying this like fez.

kgd7357 · October 2013

cidefi said:

I don't think having a baby means that u can't afford a baby. Maybe they decided to take their budget and put it towards the baby's needs who knows. Either way they shoulda stayed with the civil ceremony.

I think the offspring and the question are unrelated. The poster just mentioned that she saw this on another baby related site...

princessleia22 · October 2013

My brother had a wedding ceremony in a local park. Then my mom & her friends cooked a very nice buffet style reception dinner for about 60 people. They had a friend DJ at the reception. In the end it was a very budget friendly, but sufficiently nice wedding. Weddings don't have to be expensive to be nice, meaningful or fun. Until the early-mid 1900's, weddings were followed by punch & cake at brides parents home. Few decorations. Dress was whatever bride had in her closet. It wasn't until mid 1900's that weddings became the big, expensive, commericalized things they are now. And they don't necessarily need to be.

golden1215 · October 2013

KatWAG said:

Unpop opinion ahead... if you are "too poor" to buy dinner for a few of your closests friends and family, how can you afford a child?

I didn't take it as the bride herself had to be pregnant, she could just be on the moms board- maybe an older child? or, maybe that's why they are broke?

Last time I checked, pregnancies can happen unexpectedly and (while I admit the bride is being tacky) not having money to pay for guests food =/= too poor to be a loving parent.

deannagirly · October 2013

My FI and I don't have much money. We're having a small ceremony at a little church we found. But we are still taking everybody out to pizza. What? It's like 10 people at pizza? 100 bucks. And, there are way cheaper ways to do it. Hell, invite people to your house and back cupcakes and make some cheap appetizers. Offer water out of a filter or lemonade. DONE

NYCBruin · October 2013

golden1215 said:

KatWAG said:

Unpop opinion ahead... if you are "too poor" to buy dinner for a few of your closests friends and family, how can you afford a child?

I didn't take it as the bride herself had to be pregnant, she could just be on the moms board- maybe an older child? or, maybe that's why they are broke?
Last time I checked, pregnancies can happen unexpectedly and (while I admit the bride is being tacky) not having money to pay for guests food =/= too poor to be a loving parent.

If someone can't afford to host a simple dinner (pizza, hot dog truck, etc) for a few guests, I don't think it's ridiculous to question if the person is able to afford a child.

manateehugger · October 2013

deannagirly said:

My FI and I don't have much money. We're having a small ceremony at a little church we found. But we are still taking everybody out to pizza. What? It's like 10 people at pizza? 100 bucks. And, there are way cheaper ways to do it. Hell, invite people to your house and back cupcakes and make some cheap appetizers. Offer water out of a filter or lemonade. DONE

I wish more people would have your attitude. A properly hosted and perfectly lovely wedding doesn't have to be a 6 course meal with a top-shelf bar.

Emily104 · November 2013

I went to a wedding like this a couple years ago... and then I paid for my own meal and drinks at the restaurant. It was weird.
Also, I didn't realize that the bride, groom, and most other people were changing into more casual clothes before the dinner, so I showed up in a dress and felt really out of place.

tamarar5 · November 2013

I think this must be becoming a trend. Just today my best friend told me she didn't think she and her husband could join us at the restaurant after our civil ceremony because they are broke. For a moment I wasn't sure what she was talking about! I can't believe that I actually had to tell her that FI and I are footing the bill for dinner.

Edited for auto correct fail.

Lindzxxo · November 2013

NYCBruin said:

golden1215 said:

KatWAG said:

Unpop opinion ahead... if you are "too poor" to buy dinner for a few of your closests friends and family, how can you afford a child?

I didn't take it as the bride herself had to be pregnant, she could just be on the moms board- maybe an older child? or, maybe that's why they are broke?
Last time I checked, pregnancies can happen unexpectedly and (while I admit the bride is being tacky) not having money to pay for guests food =/= too poor to be a loving parent.

If someone can't afford to host a simple dinner (pizza, hot dog truck, etc) for a few guests, I don't think it's ridiculous to question if the person is able to afford a child.

Going to have to agree with you on this one....

Lindzxxo · November 2013

NYCBruin said:

golden1215 said:

KatWAG said:

Unpop opinion ahead... if you are "too poor" to buy dinner for a few of your closests friends and family, how can you afford a child?

I didn't take it as the bride herself had to be pregnant, she could just be on the moms board- maybe an older child? or, maybe that's why they are broke?
Last time I checked, pregnancies can happen unexpectedly and (while I admit the bride is being tacky) not having money to pay for guests food =/= too poor to be a loving parent.

If someone can't afford to host a simple dinner (pizza, hot dog truck, etc) for a few guests, I don't think it's ridiculous to question if the person is able to afford a child.

Going to have to agree with you on this one....

Is this real life? Wedding ceremony, no reception trend...

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