Mother of the Groom

cjhannu · November 2013

If anyone is curious about MOG responsibilities I have attached a few links. I hope this clarifies my original post, which seemed to have gotten an less than stellar response

http://www.perfectweddingguide.com/wedding-essentials/mother-of-the-groom-roles-and-responsibilities/

http://www.ourmarriage.com/html/mother_of_the_groom.html

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-groom-duties-in-detail.aspx

phira · November 2013

So, first of all, it's not really important for anyone to match your bridal party/wedding colors. Considering that the color of her outfit isn't the only thing you're contesting here, it seems really silly to get into a huge fight over this, and THEN say, "Oh, and you should try to match these colors."

But in the meantime, unless she shows up with private parts showing, OR unless your venue has a dress code and she'll be kicked out of the venue, you can't demand that she wear anything. It sounds like she's really angry and frustrated with you, so I think you need to back off entirely.

doeydo · November 2013

So my understanding is that the bride has input into what the mother of the groom wears. My future MOL is giving us a very hard time regarding her attire. She has repeatedly told my FI that she is wearing something casual and/or comfortable. This concerns us because we our having a small semi formal wedding and historically her outfit choices have been inappropriate (too short, too low, too tight, too casual, etc)In my last email attempt to set up a date to go shopping she informed me she had no intention of wearing a dress that had to be purchased at a bridal store or ordered.
I have written up a draft responding and need the input of other brides. It pretty much says that though we want you to be comfortable it is important to keep in mind that we are having a semi formal affair. I also included that traditionally the bride has input on the MOG attire so that the MOB and her do not wear identical outfits and so that the colors don't clash for pictures. I also stated that since the groom and groomsman are wearing navy suits it would be nice if the color of her outfit complemented them (navy, gold or silver).
Please let me know what else I can do, I fear leaving it up to fate

No. Just let her wear whatever she wants to, as long as she doesn't wear white (if your dress is white).

deannagirly · November 2013

You only get input if she wants your input. Just like you don't want her input on everything to do with wedding planning, maybe she doesn't want yours. An outfit is personal and it expresses who somebody is. So let her choose her dress, maybe just ask to see it or something. Or else, if you really want to be into it offer to take her to lunch on a Saturday and then go looking at dresses at Macy's. But overall, you can't tell her what to wear. You can't tell any guests what to wear. So, just let her wear what she wants and hopefully she'll be mature enough here to want to look her age.

MNVegas · November 2013

Actually no you don't have the right to tell your MIL what to where or make demands on her. She is an adult and can make her own choices. Move on!

huskypuppy14 · November 2013

cjhannu said:

So my understanding is that the bride has input into what the mother of the groom wears. My future MOL is giving us a very hard time regarding her attire. She has repeatedly told my FI that she is wearing something casual and/or comfortable. This concerns us because we our having a small semi formal wedding and historically her outfit choices have been inappropriate (too short, too low, too tight, too casual, etc)In my last email attempt to set up a date to go shopping she informed me she had no intention of wearing a dress that had to be purchased at a bridal store or ordered.
I have written up a draft responding and need the input of other brides. It pretty much says that though we want you to be comfortable it is important to keep in mind that we are having a semi formal affair. I also included that traditionally the bride has input on the MOG attire so that the MOB and her do not wear identical outfits and so that the colors don't clash for pictures. I also stated that since the groom and groomsman are wearing navy suits it would be nice if the color of her outfit complemented them (navy, gold or silver).
Please let me know what else I can do, I fear leaving it up to fate

No, the bride does not have input into the mothers attire. I have known brides to tell the mothers to wear a certain color, but that doesn't make it right. The mothers should wear an outfit appropriate for the venue, and one she feels fabulous in. Unless your wedding is black tie or white tie, you can't "tell" people what to wear. If she wears an inappropriate outfit to your wedding, this will make her look bad, not you. There is no reason she should have to order a dress from a bridal store. There are plenty of appropriate outfits from department stores.

Also, what are the odds that a 2 women will buy the exact same dress for their children's wedding. I'm betting close to 0.

RebeccaB88 · November 2013

She gets to wear what she wants, and no one else has the right to offer input. As long as she doesn't break any public decency laws, she can show up dressed as appropriately or inappropriately as she chooses, and if she's inappropriately dressed, she will look like a fool, not you. You can communicate the formality of the wedding, but still, if everyone is dressed up and she's wearing jeans and sneakers, it doesn't look bad on anyone but her. Frustrating, absolutely. But not much you can do.

mysticl · November 2013

laurynm84 said:

cjhannu said:

So my understanding is that the bride has input into what the mother of the groom wears. My future MOL is giving us a very hard time regarding her attire. She has repeatedly told my FI that she is wearing something casual and/or comfortable. This concerns us because we our having a small semi formal wedding and historically her outfit choices have been inappropriate (too short, too low, too tight, too casual, etc)In my last email attempt to set up a date to go shopping she informed me she had no intention of wearing a dress that had to be purchased at a bridal store or ordered.
I have written up a draft responding and need the input of other brides. It pretty much says that though we want you to be comfortable it is important to keep in mind that we are having a semi formal affair. I also included that traditionally the bride has input on the MOG attire so that the MOB and her do not wear identical outfits and so that the colors don't clash for pictures. I also stated that since the groom and groomsman are wearing navy suits it would be nice if the color of her outfit complemented them (navy, gold or silver).
Please let me know what else I can do, I fear leaving it up to fate

No, the bride does not have input into the mothers attire. I have known brides to tell the mothers to wear a certain color, but that doesn't make it right. The mothers should wear an outfit appropriate for the venue, and one she feels fabulous in. Unless your wedding is black tie or white tie, you can't "tell" people what to wear. If she wears an inappropriate outfit to your wedding, this will make her look bad, not you. There is no reason she should have to order a dress from a bridal store. There are plenty of appropriate outfits from department stores.

Also, what are the odds that a 2 women will buy the exact same dress for their children's wedding. I'm betting close to 0.

It happened to me. Mom and MIL had the same dress. One had the knee length version and one the ankle length version. I'd have to pull out the pictures to see which was which. I think my mom wore the longer one. I had seen a small pic of MIL's online but not big enough to see detail. My mom did show me hers but all I was sure of was that it was a similar color to MIL's. It was no big deal and no one was upset. They sure can't fault each other's taste in clothing.

WinstonsGirl · November 2013

laurynm84 said:

cjhannu said:

So my understanding is that the bride has input into what the mother of the groom wears. My future MOL is giving us a very hard time regarding her attire. She has repeatedly told my FI that she is wearing something casual and/or comfortable. This concerns us because we our having a small semi formal wedding and historically her outfit choices have been inappropriate (too short, too low, too tight, too casual, etc)In my last email attempt to set up a date to go shopping she informed me she had no intention of wearing a dress that had to be purchased at a bridal store or ordered.
I have written up a draft responding and need the input of other brides. It pretty much says that though we want you to be comfortable it is important to keep in mind that we are having a semi formal affair. I also included that traditionally the bride has input on the MOG attire so that the MOB and her do not wear identical outfits and so that the colors don't clash for pictures. I also stated that since the groom and groomsman are wearing navy suits it would be nice if the color of her outfit complemented them (navy, gold or silver).
Please let me know what else I can do, I fear leaving it up to fate

No, the bride does not have input into the mothers attire. I have known brides to tell the mothers to wear a certain color, but that doesn't make it right. The mothers should wear an outfit appropriate for the venue, and one she feels fabulous in. Unless your wedding is black tie or white tie, you can't "tell" people what to wear. If she wears an inappropriate outfit to your wedding, this will make her look bad, not you. There is no reason she should have to order a dress from a bridal store. There are plenty of appropriate outfits from department stores.

Also, what are the odds that a 2 women will buy the exact same dress for their children's wedding. I'm betting close to 0.

My Mom and my SIL's Mom bought the exact same dress for the wedding (MOB and MOG). They laughed it out and one wore it for that wedding and one for another event. They both had enough new dresses suitable for a wedding that it didn't matter. It was pretty funny though.

OP, PP's have it right, and thank's for the subject change so I knew to read this post.

huskypuppy14 · November 2013

Oh boy another one bites the dust. You've already been quoted, so now you're going to get more views now that it's deleted.

Ok so maybe not 0

. I went to a rehearsal dinner where one of the guests wore the same dress as the bride.

ETA: grammar

kmmssg · November 2013

OP - where did you get the crazy idea that you get input on her outfit if she doesn't ask for it? You are dead wrong, said the 4 time MOB.

BlueBirdMB · November 2013

Oh my. You get no say at all. And nothing has to match. Let's see my wedding colors were gray, ivory, and blush pink. My MIL wore a hot pink and green sari and my mother wore a red gown. They both looked lovely.

ohannabelle · November 2013

I think that if my future daughter in law thought it was a good idea to advise me as to the appropriate choice of attire....I would be speechless, and that would probably be a very fortunate thing. Burn that draft, immediately.

APDSS22 · November 2013

My mom sent me pictures of dresses as she went shopping because she really wanted me there but we live in two different states. She ended up settling on a royal blue knee length dress and my MIL asked what she was wearing because she was worried about clashing so I sent her a picture. My MIL ended up in a knee length green dress with a blue overlay and they both looked lovely. However, I was only as involved as they asked me to be. They're both adult women and know perfectly well how to dress themselves. You should let this go and just hope she picks something appropriate.

dramamonkey · November 2013

Though I in no way insisted that my mom or FI's mom buy any particular color/style/etc, both did ask me (unsolicited) if I had any preference on style or color (I didn't, but suggested colors that I thought would look nice on them), and FMIL asked me to send her pictures once my mom had her dress so that she was dressed in a similar formality.

My mom actually bought her dress before I got mine! On one of our dress shopping trips, one of my bridesmaids found her dress. It's an AMAZING dress and she's going to look awesome.

southernredandwhite85 · November 2013

My future MIL wanted to wear navy because she loved two dresses she found that were navy, but was worried because my bridesmaids are wearing navy. I encouraged her to wear whatever she felt comfortable in no matter the color. I let her know that no one would confuse her for a bridesmaid and not to worry about that. Her dress is a navy/periwinkle and it makes me so happy that she loves her dress!

phira · November 2013

It sounds like the OP doesn't just need to be reassured that her wedding will not fall apart if her mother-in-law doesn't wear a color that complements the wedding colors.

The OP needs to get over the whole, "What if people don't dress fancy enough?"

HisGirlFriday13 · November 2013

My mother sent me a photo of the dress she was planning to buy because she was travelling and found it in a DB.

She asked me not because she needed me, as the bride, to approve it but because she trusts my judgement and often asks for my opinion on clothes. We go clothes shopping several times per year.

DH's grandmother did ask me for an opinion, which I did not give, because the woman is a crazy old battleaxe and I knew whatever I said NOT to do ('don't wear white') she would do. As it was, she picked a perfectly acceptable ensemble that perfectly conveyed her bitchiness and disapproval.

She looked terrible -- and you know what? Everyone commented about it and side-eyed HER; but everyone expressed incredible sympathy to me. So even if OP's FMIL show up looking like trash, it'll be on her.

And if she looks like rubbish in the photos, well, just don't print those photos.

NavyBlue143 · November 2013

My mother in law never told me what she was wearing. I also didn't care. The only reason I helped pick out my mom's dress is because she asked for my help, and always has asked for it when picking outfits for special occasions. She still wore the color, style, and length she wanted. I just helped her find what she wanted. And my mother looked fantastic. My mother in law looked great too.

If I can laugh off a woman's nipples hanging out, you can deal with whatever your MIL wears. The fashion police will not invalidate your marriage if she dresses inapppropriately. And if you're worried it might steal attention....seriously, do you need every second of everyone's attention? They will be discussing other things besides you.

aurorajanette · November 2013

Why do people not understand the concept that deleting your post causes more people to become interested in it?

climbingsingle · November 2013

Wow. I will never, ever be able understand why some brides think they can dictate to people what they can wear. Trust me - in 10 years, you will not remember what your MIL wore. Let her wear whatever the fuck she wants! Good lord.

arrippa · November 2013

cjhannu said:

If anyone is curious about MOG responsibilities I have attached a few links. I hope this clarifies my original post, which seemed to have gotten an less than stellar response

http://www.perfectweddingguide.com/wedding-essentials/mother-of-the-groom-roles-and-responsibilities/

http://www.ourmarriage.com/html/mother_of_the_groom.html

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-groom-duties-in-detail.aspx

Let's be honest, you can always find something on the web to back up any idea. I bet there are even pro-cash bar articles out there. That doesn't change the fact that dictating your guest's wardrobe is wrong and totally a bridezilla move. And yes, your mother is a guest (unless she is a MOH or BM).

kmmssg · November 2013

But moemac - if it is on the internet it has to be true!

arrippa · November 2013

kmmssg said:

But moemac - if it is on the internet it has to be true!

Elvis is alive!?!

APDSS22 · November 2013

moemacWed30594 said:

kmmssg said:

But moemac - if it is on the internet it has to be true!
Elvis is alive!?!

And a space alien apparently.

arrippa · November 2013

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

moemacWed30594 said:

kmmssg said:

But moemac - if it is on the internet it has to be true!
Elvis is alive!?!
And a space alien apparently.

Well, his talent was out of this world!

tmclawchick · November 2013

scribe95 said:

You are wrong. I had zero clue what my MIL was going to wear. She showed up and looked lovely. I didn't hound her or care, frankly. The woman is an adult. If she dresses inappropriately it is not on you.

This. If she shows up in something in appropriate, it's a reflection on her taste, not yours. Stop freaking out over something so trivial.

CTYankeeBride · November 2013

These people are adults and can dress themselves. If your FMIL doesn't understand at this point that a fancy wedding reception probably isn't the place for her jeans and circa-1992 Metallica t-shirt (and there might be a wedding where that's the perfect outfit- to each their own), then no amount of prodding her is going to change this. It is a reflection on her, not anyone else.

[Deleted User] · November 2013

This cracks me up- my FMIL keeps telling me she needs to figure out what she's going to wear to my wedding...in August. I told her I needed to figure out what I'm wearing first!

cmclaire · November 2013

It wouldn't even occur to me to get involved on this. Both mum and FMIL have asked about colours and if there's anything I'd like them to avoid (they both are so thoughtful!), and have also asked for the other parties email (so they can "talk hats"). I would never presume to tell a grown woman what to wear - even with my BMs I only expected to be able to request certain things (colour etc.)!

Mother of the Groom

Re: Mother of the Groom

Choose Another Board

Search Boards