I'm not quite sure where to post this, so I'll be XPing this to the Chit Chat board, since I know that board sees a decent amount of traffic as well. I am going to a work meeting here in about half an hour, so I'll be back to answer any questions for clarification later. This is NOT a post and run.
This is my first post here, and I promise this is not MUD. I wish it was. I will try to keep this as brief as I can, and have stuck cliff notes at the bottom cause I'm sure this is a TL;DR post.
Background: I am 25, going to be 26 in December. I am marrying a man who is 38, and has two children from a previous marriage. We found out after we got engaged that I am also pregnant, due in May. We are getting married at the end of November (the 30th).
When we got engaged, I asked my sister (23) to be my maid of honor. She is away at college, 4 hours from home, and I am aware that as a senior, she's super busy. She doesn't have time for parties and helping and all the extra wedding stuff. I was perfectly happy to have her put on a nice black dress (that she already owns) and stand up with me in the church. She agreed, and I was happy. We didn't talk in the two weeks between when I asked her to be my maid of honor, and when I called her to tell her I'd found out I was pregnant. I called her to tell her I was pregnant, she expressed displeasure, we ended the phone call...and that's basically the last time we've spoken.
She went on to ignore all phone calls, texts, emails, and Facebook attempts at contact for the next month 1/2. For the record, all but 1 or 2 were about school and her and whether or not she needed transport/housing for the holiday. Once I asked her if she wanted to stay with me the night before the wedding, and once I asked her if she thought she was bringing anyone. I never brought up the baby again. She ignored all forms of communication.
I finally emailed her last week to ask if she was still going to be my maid of honor, since my pastor wanted to review the program with me and I wanted to put her name in it. She emailed me back to indicate that she no longer was willing to stand up for me at my wedding, nor attend my wedding reception, but that she would attend the ceremony. She gave no reason, other than that she was "now uncomfortable" attending these things and didn't want to "ruin your day." She has not spoken to me since.
I am very upset, very hurt. I do not know what I have done. My FI and his children have been nothing but nice, kind, and polite to her the twice she has met them. She won't talk to me or my mother to tell us what, exactly, her objections are and if they are due to my FI or my actions. I am not sure I want to speak to her, let alone see her at this point.
It basically has come down to this: do I turn my head the opposite way while she attends the ceremony and possibly stays for photos and then leaves the church/reception hall and let that be as it is? Or do I say "thanks, but you've hurt me so much i'd rather you didn't attend at all" -- which is, frankly, how I feel. I don't know whether or not I'll regret it in a few years, though. My family and FI will support me in whatever I decide to do.
Cliff notes: My sister has stopped speaking to me, and has decided to drop out of my wedding as maid of honor. She wants to attend the ceremony, possibly stay for pictures, and then leave. She has given no explanation for this. And I am so hurt I'm considering asking her not to attend at all. What would you do?