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unresponsive bridesmaids

hyechica81hyechica81 member
Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
edited November 2013 in Wedding Woes
so i asked 4 years ago when i got engaged for all of my cousins to be  my bridesmaids and my sister to be my moh. everyone said yes. my wedding is coming up in june and this is like the last month possible we can order the dresses and not worry about rush cuts. 4 of my maids live out of state with three of them that live in in the same state. i let them know last week i was making an apt this coming weekend for dress try ons. i gave them the option to come down and try on dresses with us three of them are about 4 and a half hours away. i left links to all the designers we would be trying on i got back to them on the time i was going with my sister and 2 other cousins, and i even went as far as researching the designers websites to find out who carried them in their area gave them a link to the website a phone number and even maped out the various places to see what salon was the closest to them.. ( i wanted them to be able to try on dresses around the same time as us so they could also partake in all the activities. i even told them she needs your mesurements and a 50% deposit on the dress

i got no responses but everyone saw the message i sent via fb.
my mom suggested i send out emails to them again asking them if they really want to be in my wedding still and if they dont i wont feel bad. but at the same time i feel kinda rude doing that.

my salon told me in order for them to not have to pay a rush cut on the dresses 40 extra i would need to get deposits in asap before the 1st of next month.


should i listen to my moms advice and do it?

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Re: unresponsive bridesmaids

  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    so you have two weeks for these women to confirm something you asked them four years ago?
    image
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    yes but i told them months ago i was making appointments around this time when i went to the salon in july to pick out my wedding dress she said at  12 weeks on the bridesmaids dresses. so i had some time when i went to see her this week she told if i got them before the 1st of the month  i would still be ok and it would give time for them to come in feb and alterations. they knew i was going around this time to look at dresses.

    maybe i should have messaged them sooner? but i have been sending them links a few times a month on dress styles and such. i have been doing all the work my sister of course will respond to me but the others don't my other maids that live in my state are responsive. 
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    i told them i wanted to keep the dresses as low cost as possible i said would up to 160 be ok and they said yes. 
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  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    get something off the rack if you're concerned about ordering. 

    They also don't need 3-4 months for alterations. If you're getting married in June, and they have the dresses by the end of April, it gives them an entire month (or more) to get alterations done. You don't want to get them done too far out - any weight gain/loss will essentially nullify the alterations. I took my wedding dress about 3 weeks prior to the wedding, and it was done in less than 2 weeks. I'm going to assume that my alterations (including shortening multiple layers, one of with was lace) were much more complex than whatever would be done to a bridesmaid dress. 
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    AuntFlo said:
    maybe they haven't responded because your communication sucks as in you don't use periods or other punctuation correctly so they have no idea what you are even saying or wanting from them or maybe your use of all lower case made their brains explode and now they are dead
    This.

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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    hyechica81 said:
    yes but i told them months ago i was making appointments around this time when i went to the salon in july to pick out my wedding dress she said at  12 weeks on the bridesmaids dresses. so i had some time when i went to see her this week she told if i got them before the 1st of the month  i would still be ok and it would give time for them to come in feb and alterations. they knew i was going around this time to look at dresses.

    maybe i should have messaged them sooner? but i have been sending them links a few times a month on dress styles and such. i have been doing all the work my sister of course will respond to me but the others don't my other maids that live in my state are responsive. 
    You should have called them. Sending a message via FB or emailing for appointments is not really friendly or accommodating.

    If you sent a follow-up email from your phone call with the details of what you talked about that would be appropriate (maps, appointment times,etc). Then they have heard it from you and discussed it with you and have an electronic reference email if they need it.

    Sending details for your bridal party via FB sounds crappy IMHO.


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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I'm on Facebook pretty much constantly, but I can tell you that I often forget messages because once you click the reminder, there's nothing else to remind you that the message is there. It doesn't jump out at me like my texts, phone calls and eMails. You need to call them if it's time sensitive.


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  • shaylagirlshaylagirl member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    hyechica81 said:
     they knew i was going around this time to look at dresses.

    maybe i should have messaged them sooner? but i have been sending them links a few times a month on dress styles and such. i have been doing all the work my sister of course will respond to me but the others don't my other maids that live in my state are responsive. 
    Did they REALLY know?  You've been inundating them with "links a few times a month on dress styles and such" that perhaps at the 1 or 2 year mark into your 4 year engagement, they've all just started tuning you out and stopped really READING what you were sending.

    Why didn't you just pick up a phone and CALL them instead of messaging them?  Honestly, if you'd been messaging me for 4 years 'a few times a month" about your wedding, I'd be so fucking sick of it that I'd stop reading anything you sent me and tune you out.

    Pick up a phone and CALL them and confirm if they can or cannot make the appointment.  If they can't, let them know VERBALLY about the rush fee and let them decide from there.

    They'll either order their dresses, or not at that point and be in your wedding or not depending upon what they decide.


    wedding tickers

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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Ditto everything PPs have said and also, $160 is not 'as low cost as possible.' Not by any reasonable interpretation of 'low cost.'
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    in terms of low cost i dont want the gowns to cost more than 160  i am looking for gowns in the 10 dollar range to 125 but no more than 160. 
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  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    hyechica81 said:
    in terms of low cost i dont want the gowns to cost more than 160  i am looking for gowns in the 10 dollar range to 125 but no more than 160. 
    have you seen gowns in the $10 range? I agree with that cut off -  going for $9 and below would be a total mess. 
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  • shaylagirlshaylagirl member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    PirateBarbie said:
    have you seen gowns in the $10 range? I agree with that cut off -  going for $9 and below would be a total mess. 
    I've seen some FABULOUS $7.63 dresses at the Dollar Store.

    (Seriously, your post made me literally LOL)


    wedding tickers

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