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Need Advice: Bridesmaid is a Bride too!

salinamoonmaresalinamoonmare
First Comment
edited July 2013 in Wedding Woes
Need some advice on a rather sticky topic. 

Background: A friend of mine has been engaged for over 5 years. Upon my last visit (prior to my own engagement) she said that they had no intention of getting married any time soon. They have money issues and it just wasn't in the cards. After announcing my own engagement last September we selected a date almost immediately and sent it out via social media and other ways to all the close friends and family. Three weeks after such announcement she calls to ask what my date was again. Upon telling her said states "That's the date we wanted!" and follows with "I guess we will have to pick something else". Something else turned out to be the weekend before our wedding. I was not very pleased by that but decided to deal with it. 

Now as we get closer to the date and more things are popping up around our date (there are 5 weddings in the 6 weeks surrounding our wedding and we are already turning down some)  it is looking less and less like I can attend her wedding and still make mine everything I want it to be without losing my mind. She is suppose to be one of my 4 bridesmaids and I am suppose to be her only bridesmaid (her sister is her maid of honor and my best friend is mine). We are not as close as we use to be but I am struggling with the choice if I should go to her wedding or not, even though I might lose my sanity if I do. 

What would you do?
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Re: Need Advice: Bridesmaid is a Bride too!

  • salinamoonmaresalinamoonmare
    First Comment
    She isn't backing out on me yet, but I don't know if it is coming in the future. She lives 5 hours away and it would be overnight for at least two nights (the night leading into the wedding and the night of the wedding). It is going to cause an issue with my work but I am already prepared for that. I just feel bad stepping down because then she will only have her MOH. 
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  • VTBride51014VTBride51014 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    What is it you have to do for her wedding besides buy the bm dress and stand with her just like she'd do for you? Yes, the travel and overnight would probably be difficult on both of you so close to your weddings, but as long as you don't have the same date, you should be there for her and her for you if you're good enough friends to have asked each other to be BMs.
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  • Vivandiere8Vivandiere8 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    The timing of her wedding sucks and all, and it was weird how she suddenly was getting married when you were, but in the end I think you will be happier going to her wedding. Not going has the potential for a lot of unforeseen drama, and hurt feelings since you are part of the wedding party. My advice though would be to give all your attention to your own wedding and not feel guilty for not participating in any brides maids duties. You might even politely warn her of this fact ahead of time, and considering she knows your wedding is the very next weekend she should understand.
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  • MrsRadkeMrsRadke member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper

    Personally, she picked that date knowing you were getting married the next week and therefore, she should have realized that this issue may come up. She picked a date a week before you knowing you were getting married 7 days later. Typically, you work around reasonable requests of your immediate family and bridal party. She didn't and the risk is that you may not be able to attend. Will she be sad? Yes. Should she be flabergasted as to why? No.

    If you are going to step down, do it now so she can ask another girl to be a BM. (or deal with the fact that she will only have a MOH) Also be prepared for her to step down from yours in retaliation.

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  • IzzJonesIzzJones member
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    IMO, you need to be there for your friend!  Think about how hard that would be on her, and what if she doesn't back out of your wedding.  Wouldn't that be just the worst situation to have to deal with on your wedding day!  I know that you're stressed about your big day, but can you just schedule some time off for yourself.  Honestly it might be good for you to have some forced fun time where you can't stress about your own wedding, but concentrate on someone else.  You can still make plans and phone calls from the car on the way there and back.  I'm not saying it's fair she put you in this situation, but you knew this when she asked you to be a bridesmaid.  Try and make the best out of a crappy situation.
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