Wedding Party

No longer close with a bridesmaid.

Basically, I got engaged almost a year ago and I asked my bridal party way too soon. I just didn't know any better until I started lurking, and obviously I realized my mistake too late.

 

I have a bridesmaid who lives on the other side of the state, and we never speak. I have tried to talk to her, on Facebook, text messages, and I never get a response. I've gotten a couple, but they're really short, one word responses. She had a baby a couple years ago and we grew apart after that, but I still felt close enough to ask her to be a bridesmaid. We sent STDate's recently and I didn't hear anything from her about if she recieved it or not.

I'm at the point now where I'm ready to start talking bridesmaid dresses, and the last thing I want to do is text her out of the blue and ask for her dress budget. I don't feel like she cares much about what's going on in my life, and I definitely don't think she cares about the wedding. Which is fine. At this point I honestly don't think I care if she comes or not, we have grown that far apart. I'm irritated that I have been putting in effort and it's not returned. She's always been a pretty flaky person, so even in the beginning, I was semi-sure she would no show anyway. Especially since we're not inviting children to the wedding and she's from OOT.

What are my options? Just continue trying to talk to her? Do my best to talk to her about her dress budget and hope she gets one and shows up?

Re: No longer close with a bridesmaid.

  • Yes, that's what I would do. Contact her about the budget and stuff. If she doesn't respond, she has taken herself out of the wedding.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I would contact her again without wedding talk. If she doesn't respond, try again saying that you're starting to move forward with wedding stuff and you've noticed the two of you have been disconnected and you're excited to be doing this stuff with her. It'll open the door to her saying no thanks or yay, lets go dress shopping. Pick up the phone and actually call- no texting, emailing or facebook.  If not, she's not in your wedding.
  • Try contacting her again, but just say that you have missed her and would like to catch up.  Leave the door open for any kind of response you get.  I agree with misssunshine17 that I would avoid electronics and use the telephone for this contact.  If you still can't connect with her, I'd consider her no longer in your wedding party and plan accordingly.
  • I agree with misssunshine. I would have called her by now.
  • I would call about the dress budget.  If you're within the time that people should be thinking about dress shopping, it's time to ask.  If she's thinking about dropping out, that sort of question is going to prompt her to do it.  Or to ignore you, de facto taking herself out.  

    It sounds like you've made a fair number of non-wedding contact attempts.  If the friendship has run its course, it's run its course.  Fair enough, but you deserve to know, wedding or not.  
  • Regarding the STDates, I sent mine out and very few people told me they got them so for that don't worry about it. As for your friend, unfortunately friends grow apart and sorry that your once close friend and you are not as close anymore, I had the same thing happen to me, she had a baby and all of sudden she's "too busy" to hang out, though she seems to go out a lot with other friends,  just not with me so hence I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid, because I was debating it for a long time but my inner voice kept telling me "not the best idea" and actually she's not even on my guest list that is how far we have grown apart, we never talk and if we do its when I contact her.

    so call your friend have a nice chat about non wedding stuff and she how her reaction is, then maybe call a couple days later and ask about dress shopping and if she response cool, if not then she's taken herself out.

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