Pre-wedding Parties

joint bachelor/ette party??? anyone with experience in this situation or advice????

I am in the process of trying to plan a bachelor/ette party  for my sister and FBIL... they got engaged pretty quickly after meeting and we have a pretty large wedding party (10 on each side) the BMs and GM dont know each other at all and we are trying to figure out a weekend bonding party for every one to meet and have fun! initially i was thinking vegas..stay in the same hotel but have different suites for the girls and guys...meet up at the pool during the day have lunch/drinks together and when evening rolled around go our separate ways and have a proper bachelorette party while the guys do their own thing. However, after working the numbers i think this idea is going to be over budget for our group. Now i am back to square one and probably thinking of doing something along the lines of..renting a large vacation house somewhere for the weekend and going out separately at night... only concern I have for our group is that most of the WP have SO's that will not be invited to this weekend "get to know you" party and might be uncomfortable with their SO staying in a house full of the opposite sex partying for a weekend... maybe that is a silly concern to have but who knows? I think I might feel weird if my fiance attended something like this (fortunately i dont have to worry because he will be a GM and will attend with me)....we'll see though. I am going to bring the idea up to my sis and see if she likes it.... anyone that has been to something like this or any advice would be much appreciated

Re: joint bachelor/ette party??? anyone with experience in this situation or advice????

  • One of my good friends had a joint bachelor/bachelorette party in Las Vegas - it was tons of fun. However, SOs were welcomed.  Although I was a bridesmaid, I probably would have skipped the party if my then-FI (now-H) had not been invited.  Not because he would have been uncomfortable with me partying in Vegas with a bunch of groomsmen, but because I just wouldn't have wanted to go.  I think it was nice for the SOs to meet eachother anyway.  Then, the day of the wedding, while the wedding party was busy (hair, makeup, photos, etc.), they ended up keeping eachother company.
  • I am in the process of trying to plan a bachelor/ette party  for my sister and FBIL... they got engaged pretty quickly after meeting and we have a pretty large wedding party (10 on each side) the BMs and GM dont know each other at all and we are trying to figure out a weekend bonding party for every one to meet and have fun! initially i was thinking vegas..stay in the same hotel but have different suites for the girls and guys...meet up at the pool during the day have lunch/drinks together and when evening rolled around go our separate ways and have a proper bachelorette party while the guys do their own thing. However, after working the numbers i think this idea is going to be over budget for our group. Now i am back to square one and probably thinking of doing something along the lines of..renting a large vacation house somewhere for the weekend and going out separately at night... only concern I have for our group is that most of the WP have SO's that will not be invited to this weekend "get to know you" party and might be uncomfortable with their SO staying in a house full of the opposite sex partying for a weekend... maybe that is a silly concern to have but who knows? I think I might feel weird if my fiance attended something like this (fortunately i dont have to worry because he will be a GM and will attend with me)....we'll see though. I am going to bring the idea up to my sis and see if she likes it.... anyone that has been to something like this or any advice would be much appreciated


    If there was a weekend away, and my husband was not invited, I would not attend. First and foremost, it's disrespectful to my husband that I stay in a house or hotel (likely while drinking) with 10+ guys that he doesn't know. Thinking through my friends, most of them would side-eye this idea for their SO's too.

    We get so few vacation days, and so little money to budget for vacation-- you bet I'm taking every vacation day with my husband.

    Wedding parties don't need to bond or "get to know" each other before the wedding.

    Why not have a traditional one day bachelor/ette party? That way, people taking off from work will likely not be necessary, and it will be a cost savings for everyone.

    southernbelle0915saric83melbelleup
  • itzMS said:


    If there was a weekend away, and my husband was not invited, I would not attend. First and foremost, it's disrespectful to my husband that I stay in a house or hotel (likely while drinking) with 10+ guys that he doesn't know. Thinking through my friends, most of them would side-eye this idea for their SO's too.

    We get so few vacation days, and so little money to budget for vacation-- you bet I'm taking every vacation day with my husband.

    Wedding parties don't need to bond or "get to know" each other before the wedding.

    Why not have a traditional one day bachelor/ette party? That way, people taking off from work will likely not be necessary, and it will be a cost savings for everyone.

    Ditto the bolded part.  It's not like my hubby and I are joined at the hip, and we totally go out with our friends all the time without each other.  But if there was a co-ed wedding-related party for a wedding I was in, I would find it very strange if he wasn't invited and vice versa. 

    If for some reason, it absolutely has to just be wedding party only, I would just do a big BBQ during the day at someone's house or at a park or lake and then head separate ways for the night (if they want to keep it separate). 

  • This is what my fiancé and I are planning to do as well.
  • I (along with the best man) hosted a joint weekend.  We were the only ones in the party so we didn't have to deal with the "getting to know you thing".  But, it was a weekend of friends couples or just friends what everyone felt comfortable with.  At the request of the Bride and Groom, they didn't want seperate parties, just wanted a weekend away with all their friends together.  We rented a condo at a large resort, hit the water parks during the day, partied back at the condo, then went to the casino all night long.  It was a blast!  We didn't feel the need to go the traditional route and just had an amazing time with a pre-wedding celebration of the couple with everyone we loved.

    This was also a destination wedding so it was a great opportunity for friends who couldn't make the desitination to celebrate the Bride and Groom.

    If it's joint I would consider opening it up to SO's.  Like others have said our vacation time is so sparse, a weekend away from my FI would not be ideal.  FI actually just passed on a bachelor party because he would be gone 3 days with guys he didn't really know and miss alot of things around home.

     

  • we did a joint party and had separate day activities but met up for dinner and went to a fun country bar that night.  Most of us were local, but 2 guys flew in and a few us had a few hour drive where we all met up.  SOs not in the wedding party were invited to come as well but only 2 did since the 3 others who had husbands, had kids so put them on babysitting duty and one of the groomsmans wife was 8 months pregnant so could not fly.  we had a great time and it was fun to get the wedding party together before the actual wedding.  My husbands brother hurt his shoulder (before) so was hurting later that night so the guys actually left the bar early but told us girls to stay and have fun, so we did :)  Couples stayed together but a room of girls and a room guys stayed as well at a hotel and those of who stayed met up for brunch the next morning.  It was a great weekend.
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  • I am not against it, but I know my fiance and his friends would not be down for partying with the girls around.

  • In my case the bride, groom and maid of honor were all from the same city. They did a party bus/ bar thing. When things started to wind down around 2 am the girls went for coffee and stayed with the maid of honor's house. The groomsmen stayed at the grooms house. Other than sleeping we all partied together and it was fine.
    Good luck.
  • Personally, it wouldn't bother me if my FI went to a party like this, and vice versa. But, I imagine that might not be true for all.  If your main concern is sleeping arrangements, have you considered doing condos in the same building or something.  Might solve the problem. 

    Either way, joint parties are a blast.  Have fun!
  • Me and my FI have people from different parts of our lives in the wedding, and want them to get to know each other.  We realize it isn't a requirement, but we instead of a shower, we are having a getaway for the weekend with all of our bridal party.  We are calling it a Bridal Party Party, and spouses are welcome to attend.  Our thought is that we are having these people in our wedding for a reason, and we want it to be as comfortable as possible.  We are traveling about 2 hours away, staying at a friend's house, we are going to golf, camp and probably drink a lot.  Fun bonding.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I am in the process of trying to plan a bachelor/ette party  for my sister and FBIL... they got engaged pretty quickly after meeting and we have a pretty large wedding party (10 on each side) the BMs and GM dont know each other at all and we are trying to figure out a weekend bonding party for every one to meet and have fun! initially i was thinking vegas..stay in the same hotel but have different suites for the girls and guys...meet up at the pool during the day have lunch/drinks together and when evening rolled around go our separate ways and have a proper bachelorette party while the guys do their own thing. However, after working the numbers i think this idea is going to be over budget for our group. Now i am back to square one and probably thinking of doing something along the lines of..renting a large vacation house somewhere for the weekend and going out separately at night... only concern I have for our group is that most of the WP have SO's that will not be invited to this weekend "get to know you" party and might be uncomfortable with their SO staying in a house full of the opposite sex partying for a weekend... maybe that is a silly concern to have but who knows? I think I might feel weird if my fiance attended something like this (fortunately i dont have to worry because he will be a GM and will attend with me)....we'll see though. I am going to bring the idea up to my sis and see if she likes it.... anyone that has been to something like this or any advice would be much appreciated
    Why are you planning both the bachelor and bachelorette parties?   Plan the party for the side you are standing up on.  Let someone on the other side coordinate the other party.  If you want to meet up and make it joint, that's fine.  

    I also think any event planned without extending invitations to SOs is rude.  
    [Deleted User]southernbelle0915[Deleted User]
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