I Don't Want to Go Anymore...

Ingamckinley · February 2010

Hi all my name is Liz and this is my first post. I figured I could get some honest feedback.

My friend actually got engaged before I did, but her wedding is being pushed back. In talking to her I found out she is inviting tons of people to her wedding but mentioned that she doesn't want to pay for anyone's food......wtf? I'm not sure what is supposed to happen after the ceremony. She's still going ahead with the registries, bridal shower, bachelorette party and all.

Anyway I really don't want to attend her wedding anymore, I'm just a little put off.
I already invited her to my wedding which is actually out of town. So I kind of feel bad cause I'm thinking "well she's coming to my wedding I should go to hers" but when she's talking about how she doesn't really want a lot of people there, and she's not going to feed anyone but still doing other things where people pay for her like parties and gifts, it just seems so tacky. I don't know, I might just suck it up, buy a present and go.

What's your take?

akhensley81 · February 2010

You should go. I agree it would be totally weird if she didn't buy food for the guests... but it's not like you're the only one who will be in that mindset. But really, what's more important? Wanting to be there for your friend? Or getting free food?

skhynes · February 2010

I would probably decline. She obviously doesn't care at all about her guests if she's going to ask for presents and parties thrown in her honor and then not even bother to feed them. She's being incredibly selfish and rude, and I can't imagine rewarding her behavior by attending. I would be so pissed if I showed up to a wedding and then had to pay for my meal, especially after I got the B&G a gift! I would leave right then and there. Honestly, I would tell her that haivng a wedding means paying for guests meals and she may want to find a way to cut other things out of her budget and pay for the food or else she's going to have a lot of pissed off guests. Receptions are a thank you to your guests, not a way to get gifts.

Out of curiosty, why is she pushing the wedding back?

evabee · February 2010

She could do hors d'oeuvres? Is she doing a cocktail reception or just no reception at all?

Lots of people do cocktail receptions, but it's still important to think of the comfort of your guests, and some kind of food with alcoholic drinks is vital. At least cake? Dessert receptions are more budget friendly!

I would go either way, but she is out-of-line.

emilyinchile · February 2010

I'd decline. That's beyond rude, and if I knew about it in advance I'd tell everyone I knew so that they'd have the option of declining or getting their credit cards ready.

suz62984 · February 2010

Really?!?! Wow...greedy! I'd decline(and not send a present). She said it herself. She doesn't want a lot of guests there. In this way you are helping her out!

MeaghanandMichael · February 2010

No way would I go. And I would talk about her behind her back.

suz62984 · February 2010

haha-love it meaghan!

Ingamckinley · February 2010

Well there's one vote for "go". I have til next April to decide, hey maybe she'll change her mind.

Skhynes- She pushed it back because there were other weddings going on that were too close to hers. And the date they wanted was April fool's. Maybe its a joke, maybe there will be a reception or cake.

We asked if there were going to be cocktails or hors d'oeuvres, and she said no to cocktails cause she doesn't want to pay for people's alcohol that we could pay for our own. She didn't address the hors d'oeuvres part.

She's having her wedding up in these mountains and there's actually a restaurant near by. I have a feeling we're supposed to go to the restaurant after and pay for our meals there after the ceremony.

fiddle14 · February 2010

Well, if she wants a sparsely attended wedding, she's going to get one!! A cash bar and NO food of any type?? I would decline too. It's incredibly rude to expect your guests to travel to your wedding, give you a gift, and then not even provide a few simple hors deourves and drinks.

/>She pushed it back because there were other weddings going on
/> that were too close to hers

Somebody needs to tell her that she gets ONE DAY... Not a month or even a week. Silly reason to push back a date IMO. But then again, it sounds like she really doesn't have anything planned anyway.

You'll have to let us know how this one turns out. ;-)

CaliopeSpidrman · February 2010

If I was really close with this person, I would go but skip the reception. But I can't imagine being very close with someone who clearly just wants lots of gifts and won't provide food for her guests.

beth5507 · February 2010

That is super tacky. I mean, if she doesn't want to pay for a reception, ok, fine....weddings are expensive. Going to the courthouse is cheap. If you want the big wedding and the gifts, the reception goes hand in hand. I'm not saying your friend needs to spend $20,000 on the reception, but a little party and some food is not going to break the bank. And if that is going to break the bank.......that's what the courthouse is for.

Go to support your friend, but don't bring a gift. With the money she's saving on the reception, she can go to Bed Bath and Beyond herself.

krmabojo · February 2010

I can understand if she does not want to supply the beer and mixed drinks... but the food?

Ask her if you should eat beforehand since she had mentioned she was not having food. That way you are not coming straight out and being rude but you still get your answer.

Ingamckinley · February 2010

That's a good idea, I'll ask if I need to fill up before.

I see myself going, but maybe getting like napkin rings as a gift, lol. My FI isn't too fond of her so when he found out about this he told me I needed to find another date. I'm thinking of going with a group of our girlfriends then we can just go off on our own and eat at a restaurant by ourselves and party on our own afterwards.

Fiddle-Yeah i'm gonna have to watch how this all unravels because from some things she's mentioned to me about the wedding and her views on etiquette I'm very curious to see the final product.

lisarose7 · February 2010

Go ahead and go to everything you're invited to and don't bring any gifts. Then spend the whole time complaining about how hungry you are and picking food off other people's plates.

kimberlyann1974 · February 2010

I think you should direct her to the knot boards for some advice...that way you don't have to be th one to tell her she's being idiotic.

felicia220 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dont-want-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:9181e4bf-87f4-4c5b-bbd0-829012f6536dPost:f2623397-dcb6-4a0a-bff8-538767156221">Re: I Don't Want to Go Anymore...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should direct her to the knot boards for some advice...that way you don't have to be th one to tell her she's being idiotic. ;)
Posted by kimberlyann1974@rocketmail.com[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly my thoughts
<div>And that is all she wrote.....</div></div>

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