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I am jinxing my own wedding / marriage

I was just told the funniest thing (In my opinion)..... Someone told me that I am jinxing my marriage because I am reading "marriage help" books such as Men are from mars, saving your marriage, etc. 

Now I am not reading them because I think Ben and I have issues. I am 100% confident that Ben and I will have a happy marriage. Yes we will have our share of fights / issues like all marriages but I know we will be able to work through them. 

I am reading these books for any possible good hints / tips / advice that I can use now and once we're married. But supposedly, me reading these is jinxing it. I think it's funny and that I am not jinxing it.

What do you ladies think? Am I jinxing it?

Re: I am jinxing my own wedding / marriage

  • No, you're not.

    hlvonb
  • KytchynWitcheKytchynWitche Ridin' the Zebra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    People say the stupidest things, I swear. I've been told that my marriage won't last because we've chosen shades of green as our wedding colours, and because FI didn't have a ring for me when he proposed...

    Without knowing the person who told you this, I'd say that they're just jealous that you're being smart about your marriage and want to go into it with the best possible "knowledge base".
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    hlvonb
  • It depends on if you're superstitious or not. You stated that you find it funny & that you don't think you're jinxing yourself, so why should anyone else's opinion matter? 

    From an outsider looking in, if I knew you were a bride to be but didn't know you really well and saw you reading those, it could be looked as if you had doubts? Like how they say you shouldn't go into a marriage thinking "oh well there's divorce if it doesn't work out". If you already have your "out" planned out then you shouldn't be getting married. That's how I would read it, but like you said. You have no doubts and you don't think you're jinxing it. So no other opinion should matter except FI's =)  
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    hlvonb
  • Eh, men ARE from Mars!
    hlvonbWonderRed
  • I think that is completely silly!  You know your relationship better than anyone else.  If you think that you guys are stable, that is all that matter!  Good Luck!
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    hlvonb
  • I think it's ridiculous, you're absolutely fine.

    I am curious though, have people stopped questioning the commitment to the two of you? Didn't you post that a while ago?

    hlvonb
  • I don't think you're jinxing anything. It seems to me you're just more or less reading these books for knowledge in the future, which is completely fine. That would be like reading pregnancy books even if you aren't pregnant...it's human nature to be curious and want to know what can make our lives easier or better.

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    hlvonb
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2013
    You are not jinxing anything. FWIW, I really enjoyed 5 Love Languages
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    hlvonbSKPM
  • urbaneca said:
    People say the stupidest things, I swear. I've been told that my marriage won't last because we've chosen shades of green as our wedding colours, and because FI didn't have a ring for me when he proposed...

    Without knowing the person who told you this, I'd say that they're just jealous that you're being smart about your marriage and want to go into it with the best possible "knowledge base".
    @urbaneca ; It was 2 of my aunts.
  • CLI242009 said:
    It depends on if you're superstitious or not. You stated that you find it funny & that you don't think you're jinxing yourself, so why should anyone else's opinion matter? 

    From an outsider looking in, if I knew you were a bride to be but didn't know you really well and saw you reading those, it could be looked as if you had doubts? Like how they say you shouldn't go into a marriage thinking "oh well there's divorce if it doesn't work out". If you already have your "out" planned out then you shouldn't be getting married. That's how I would read it, but like you said. You have no doubts and you don't think you're jinxing it. So no other opinion should matter except FI's =)  
    @CLI242009 ; These people know me pretty well. They were 2 of my aunts and I talk to them on a somewhat regular basis.
  • I think it's ridiculous, you're absolutely fine.

    I am curious though, have people stopped questioning the commitment to the two of you? Didn't you post that a while ago?
    @misssunshine17 ; Yes I did post that a while ago and yes they have stopped. They realize that we truly love each other and are committed no matter what :)
  • KatWAG said:
    You are not jinxing anything. FWIW, I really enjoyed 5 Love Languages

    @KatWAG ;  I have that one and plan on reading it after the one I currently reading lol
  • hlvonb said:
    I think it's ridiculous, you're absolutely fine.

    I am curious though, have people stopped questioning the commitment to the two of you? Didn't you post that a while ago?
    @misssunshine17 ; Yes I did post that a while ago and yes they have stopped. They realize that we truly love each other and are committed no matter what :)
    Good! Glad for you.

    hlvonb
  • hlvonb said:


    KatWAG said:

    You are not jinxing anything. FWIW, I really enjoyed 5 Love Languages


    @KatWAG ;  I have that one and plan on reading it after the one I currently reading lol

    I also recommend it. Even if you aren't religious, I think it helps give useful insights into your spouse's position.
    And no, reading about marriage doesn't jinx marriage! If it did, all us Knotties would be screwed. :-p
    hlvonb
  • I see it as just being smart. I have known of more than one acquaintance who went through some really rough times in their marriage, seperated, wanted to make things work out, were then given a book on marriage by a friend, it still ended in divorce, but they said "I wish I had read this book years ago, or before we got married. If I had known these things, and seen the marriage in this light I don't think it would have gotten to the point where it felt impossible to save any more."

    And those books aren't just to keep marriages from failing completely. I think even a "good marriage" can benefit from them. Rather than people saying you are jinxing it I think they should see it is as a sign that you are doing everything to make it the happiest marriage possible!
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    hlvonblc07
  • That's just silly. When I was a teenager we all just had to read "chicken soup for the teenage soul". It was the "in" thing to read. We were not a bunch of depressed teenagers reading self help books.

    I read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" probably just because it's such a famous book that I had to read it to know what all the fuss was about. Does that mean I have a troubled relationship? no. Did I learn a few things for the future? yes.

    Who cares what people think. It's what you know that counts. I would ask them if they read 50 shades and call them a perv. (btw, that's a joke, I've read 50 shades and I'm not a perv. It just gets to people when you say that)
    hlvonb
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think we should take all the help we can get. I've read a couple marriage books. I'm so used to being "ms. Independent" that I figured I could use some tips on being a good life partner. Not a jinx at all IMHO.
    ________________________________


    hlvonb
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2013
    I never elaborated in my post.  I think marriage books are great to read about.  I read several.  A friend gave us the boxed set of "For Men Only" and "For Women Only" which were very informative and tell about stuff that women don't always know about men and vice versa.  It's a look at the way men and women think which are pretty different.  I also read the men's book and told H "xyz chapter is exactly right" or stuff like that.  We also read "The Meaning of Marriage" as part of our marriage counseling.  My mom gave me "Things I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Married" which we've both read.

    I don't think reading them means your marriage is doomed.  I view it as preventative maintenance.  Every marriage has problems and will go through tough times.  Reading books like these can help avoid some of those.

    hlvonb
  • Ha!  Unless you're reading "10 Easy Steps To Divorce" I think you're fine!
    hlvonb
  • That's like saying that reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting" will make you a bad parent. I'm like you in that I read parenting articles and stay up to date with baby stuff so that one day I can be a good, prepared as I can be, parent. Sounds like that's what you are doing with your marriage.
    hlvonb
  • Yes @88beautymarked and everyone else who replied (Thanks!) that is what I am doing :)
    88beautymarked
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