Deceased Dad

tabathafaye · November 2013

My father passed away 7 years ago and I was daddy's girl.

That is my wedding woe. It makes me sad that he won't be there on the big day. My mom and brother are walking me down the aisle, but it won't be the same. I am not doing a replacement father/daughter dance. There is no replacement.

Reading on these boards about father daughter dances and that stuff makes me sad.

TypingTornado · November 2013

I know that this is hard. My mom passed away last year so I'm going through something similar. He will be with you on your day in spirit, I'm sure of it.

The other day I was going to the fitting for my wedding gown. My father had given me my mom's winter coat. As I was getting ready to leave - the closet door burst open and mom's coat fell to the floor. (Apparently the hanger broke at just that moment and the door wasn't shut all the way.) My fiancee and I looked at each other and both said the same thing, "looks like mom's coming to the fitting". Look for little things like this on your wedding day. Maybe it will be something someone says that was something your Father said to you.

Do you have a special memento you can carry with you? How about your dad's wedding ring - or something that was special just between the two of you?

My mom is from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, I was able to incorporate the Cape Breton tartan into my bouquet.

If anyone notices the absence of the Father/Daughter dance they will understand.

Enjoy your day. Know that he's there with you and he's watching you from above. He wouldn't miss this day.

Big hugs.

firegirl1013 · November 2013

My dad passed away 6 months ago, when I have my wedding next summer he will have been gone for just over a year. This has turned my wedding planning into a nightmare, I always end up thinking about who is going to walk me down the aisle and the fact that I won't have a father-daugther dance. My dad was my biggest supporter and fan, we did everything together he coached all my sports and when I got past the point of being parent coached he was my biggest supporter in the crowd. When he got sick with cancer I would drive him to chemo and sit through the sessions with him and help him out when we got home. To say I was a daddy's little girl is a huge understatement.

I completely agree, there is no substitute for the father-daughter dance and I am just skipping that part of the reception. My fiancé has actually said that he doesn't even want to do a mother-son dance because he doesn't want to make me feel bad.

As far as walking me down the aisle, I'm debating walking myself and putting in the program that my dad is still there with me. No one can replace him and I'm not sure I really want to have anyone but him by my side, and since I can't have him I may as well have no one there. I think I'm going to have a picture of him on my bouquet or something of his sewn onto my dress, but those details are still being figured out.

Something I have decided is we will be making a stop at the cemetery after the ceremony on the way to the reception so that I can deliver him his corsage that I am still insisting that the florist makes. I also want to "show" him my dress and give him a kiss on my wedding day.

tabathafaye · November 2013

I think I am sewing part of my dad's favorite tie into my dress.

@typingtornado, I asked my mom about his wedding ring, but she said he never wore one because he didn't like the way it felt. So that idea is out of the question, but it was a great suggestion.

short+sassy · November 2013

I'm so sorry for your losses, ladies. My own father passed away...quite a long time ago (18 years)...but I still felt a deep loss to not have him there on my wedding day. I know he was there in spirit, but it's not the same. The morning of my wedding, amidst the chaos, my mom and I happened to end up alone in her kitchen. I told her how much I wished he was there and we cried together for a few minutes.

My mother walked me down the aisle. I included my father by using his wedding ring during the ceremony (my husband won't wear a ring, so I didn't get him one).

I had decided long before I even met my husband that I would not have a father/daughter or mother/son (unless husband really wanted it) dance at my wedding and I didn't.

@Lupinacci...I think you should walk yourself down the aisle, if that is what you are most comfortable with. I have always thought that is a lovely choice. I would have done that myself, except I knew my mom really wanted to walk me down the aisle and I was happy with that choice also.

Lauderdale Pink · November 2013

In addition to all of the wonderful suggestions above, no matter what your religion, take a few minutes with mom and maybe future hubby,before the ceremony, and light a candle for your dad. My personal belief (with no religious support to it) is that the candle will call his spirit and invite him to be there with you. I also believe that he will not miss your first dance. Your first dance with new hubby will be a "group hug".

tabathafaye · November 2013

Thank you guys for the support and awesome suggestions!

SheMarie82 · November 2013

My dad died 22 years ago, and I am still struggling with the idea of him not being at my wedding. BUT I saw on Pinterst where a girl attached a photo on a tile to her shoe so he was still walking with her down the aisle. It was cute! My FI and I will both have lockets on our boquettes, me with a picture of a friend I lost to cancer, and my dad. Hers will be photos of her two grandmas.

tabathafaye · November 2013

SheMarie82 said:

My dad died 22 years ago, and I am still struggling with the idea of him not being at my wedding. BUT I saw on Pinterst where a girl attached a photo on a tile to her shoe so he was still walking with her down the aisle. It was cute! My FI and I will both have lockets on our boquettes, me with a picture of a friend I lost to cancer, and my dad. Hers will be photos of her two grandmas.

I am actually thinking about getting a tattoo on my foot of his signature or something in his handwriting so he can "walk" me down the aisle.

thejinxchan · November 2013

I feel with many of your girls.. I lost my dad 10 years ago (I am the youngest girl) and my mom last year, who I was really close to. I want to put their wedding photo somewhere (along with FI's) and maybe a locket or tiny vintage portrait of my mom that I love on my bouquet..

soontobemrsbuccheri · November 2013

While I haven't lost either of my parents or future in-laws, I have a grandparent that I was extremely close to (she was one of my best friends and biggest fan) that I am incorporating into my wedding. Since I'm wearing my mother's wedding gown, and the fact that my mom has a ton of my grandmother's stuff, she gave me a vintage WWII era night gown and robe. The robe has my grandmother's initials monogramed on it. I plan to have my mom take the monogram and sew it into my dress so I have my grandmother with me on my day. We also have incorporated Yellow roses into our flowers as that was my grandmother's favorite flower.

Do something that you know will mean the most.

Deceased Dad

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