Wording for black tie

retro_belle24_23092757 · November 2013

I'm pretty new to the whole wedding planning game and have a question about where should I put the "dress to impress" line to inform guests about our black tie wedding. I've seen some brides put the line on the invite (near the bottom with the 'reception to follow' line) and others only have it on their wedding website. My FI and I are planning a black tie formal wedding and we would hate to have a guest feel out of place and embarrassed because they weren't sure about the style of the wedding aka "suggestive dress code".

Thanks!

Viczaesar · November 2013

retro_belle24 said:

I'm pretty new to the whole wedding planning game and have a question about where should I put the "dress to impress" line to inform guests about our black tie wedding. I've seen some brides put the line on the invite (near the bottom with the 'reception to follow' line) and others only have it on their wedding website. My FI and I are planning a black tie formal wedding and we would hate to have a guest feel out of place and embarrassed because they weren't sure about the style of the wedding aka "suggestive dress code".

Thanks!

Just checking - are you having a true black tie event? Lots of people come on here and say they are but in fact are not. Is it in the evening, in a formal venue? Live band, top shelf open bar (not just open bar), butler passed apps, multi-course plated dinner with tableside service by gloved waiters?

retro_belle24_23092757 · November 2013

It won't be that fancy, I wish it was but it won't be. I do plan on an evening wedding in NYC, suited gloved staff and top shelf open bar. So then if not black tie, what is the proper wording for men in suits rather than a shirt and slacks e.g. khakis and women in cocktail or evening dresses?

photokitty · November 2013

retro_belle24 said:

It won't be that fancy, I wish it was but it won't be. I do plan on an evening wedding in NYC, suited gloved staff and top shelf open bar. So then if not black tie, what is the proper wording for men in suits rather than a shirt and slacks e.g. khakis and women in cocktail or evening dresses?

Unfortunately, there is no proper wording. You shouldn't tell your guests how to dress unless it is truly black tie (or white tie) or the venue has a dress code that would otherwise not allow your guest admittance.

You can spread it by word of mouth if people ask. But good etiquette deems you not tell your guests how to dress on the invite. Sorry. You just have to hope everyone will dress appropriately based on the venue, timing and formality of the invite.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

retro_belle24 said:

It won't be that fancy, I wish it was but it won't be. I do plan on an evening wedding in NYC, suited gloved staff and top shelf open bar. So then if not black tie, what is the proper wording for men in suits rather than a shirt and slacks e.g. khakis and women in cocktail or evening dresses?

There is no proper wording. If you want people to know that your wedding is on the fancier side then make sure your invites show that (expensive paper, elegant font, etc). There is no appropriate way to tell your guests how to dress. Unless you are having a true black tie affair (which you aren't) or their is a dress code at your venue, you just have to hope that your guests realize that they shouldn't be showing up in their PJs. And even if they do, it will reflect poorly on them and not you.

southernbelle0915 · November 2013

Ditto PPs - if you're not having a true black tie affair then it's not appropriate to put "Black tie" or any other attire information on your invitations.

What you can do is indicate formality with your invitations. Choose nice, heavy card stock and embellish it, use an elegant font, use formal wording, use an inner envelope, hire a calligrapher, etc. People take their dress code queues from the invitations, so make them match the formality of your event.

retro_belle24_23092757 · November 2013

Thanks girls for the advice. I think I'll also put on our wedding website to "dress to impress" to help avoid any confusions

photokitty · November 2013

retro_belle24 said:

Thanks girls for the advice. I think I'll also put on our wedding website to "dress to impress" to help avoid any confusions

You might offend people. You wouldn't offend me, but the general consensus around here it is not appropriate to tell guest how to dress on the website either. There are a couple of thread on the etiquette page discussing (flaming) brides who did this.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

retro_belle24 said:

Thanks girls for the advice. I think I'll also put on our wedding website to "dress to impress" to help avoid any confusions

@ retro_belle24 - No. Again, this is telling your guests how to dress for your wedding. By saying "dress to impress" you are basically telling everyone you are inviting that you think they are morons and don't know how to dress appropriately for a wedding. Just leave any mention of dress off anything that deals with your wedding. The only time it is acceptable to tell anyone how to dress is if they ask you. Until then, leave it alone. Your guests are adults and you should be able to trust them to dress appropriately.

Edit because of spelling issues.

banana468 · November 2013

I'd leave that off your website but DO include links to the venue on your website. When friends of ours had a wedding in NYC, we looked up the venue and saw how fancy it was. That told us what we needed to know.

Those who don't get that they need to dress up won't understand what dress to impress means. Those who do know may think you're insulting their intelligence.

southernbelle0915 · November 2013

retro_belle24 said:

Thanks girls for the advice. I think I'll also put on our wedding website to "dress to impress" to help avoid any confusions

I would not do this. You're telling people the same thing but in a different place. The people who pay attention will be insulted that you think they don't know how to dress for a wedding and the people who don't dress well for weddings (probably your target audience) aren't going to pay attention anyway. It's a lose lose.

If people are confused and ASK you....in other words, you don't offer the information, they say "what should I wear?"....you can say "Wear whatever you feel good in." If they press you (as my MIL did asking me what she should wear), you can say "well, the BMs are wearing ____ and the GMs are wearing ____. It's really up to you - the venue as no restrictions." and change the subject.

KatWAG · November 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Ditto PPs - if you're not having a true black tie affair then it's not appropriate to put "Black tie" or any other attire information on your invitations.

What you can do is indicate formality with your invitations. Choose nice, heavy card stock and embellish it, use an elegant font, use formal wording, use an inner envelope, hire a calligrapher, etc. People take their dress code queues from the invitations, so make them match the formality of your event.

(stuck in the box)

This. Plus, I think you need to accept that someone will show up dressed inappropriately. And nothing you say in advance will change that. Its really no big deal. They will look foolish, not you.

climbingsingle · November 2013

Evening wedding in NYC - most people will know exactly how to dress.

Jen4948 · November 2013

To be honest with you, you can't indicate a dress code on your invitations other than "black tie" and "white tie" and you can only do this if your wedding actually falls in one of those categories.

Also, even if your wedding did fall in one of those categories, someone may still turn up inappropriately dressed. This is just not something you can control. I'd let it go.

doeydo · November 2013

scribe95 said:

I would have no idea what dress to impress even means.

Dress like one would for a job interview maybe? ETA I agree. Who am I supposed to be impressing?

Maggie0829 · November 2013

doeydo said:

scribe95 said:

I would have no idea what dress to impress even means.

Dress like one would for a job interview maybe? ETA I agree. Who am I supposed to be impressing?

The bride. If she isn't impressed then get the fuck out!

daria24 · November 2013

ClimbingBrideNY said:
Evening wedding in NYC - most people will know exactly how to dress.

This is what I was thinking. Also "dress to impress" to me doesn't indicate formality, it usually means "it better be Designer. And not that discount shit from Century."

MyNameIsNot · November 2013

scribe95 said:

I would have no idea what dress to impress even means.

This. I would probably assume that means you want people to wear designer clothes or observe the newest trends. I wouldn't take it to mean semi-formal dress.

If you insist on putting something on your website, tuck it discretely under a FAQ section, and couch it in terms of the formality of the event, not the dress.

NYCBruin · November 2013

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Evening wedding in NYC - most people will know exactly how to dress.

This. And anyone who doesn't know how to dress will also think "dress to impress" means something that you would find inappropriate.

Most people will dress themselves properly. Those who won't will not be swayed by anything you put on your invitation or website. That's life, but I promise it won't ruin your wedding. Inappropriate clothing reflects poorly on the wearer, not on the bride.

retro_belle24_23092757 · November 2013

Wow, lots of touchy posts here. I didn't mean offend anybody here or my guests, my bad! When I hear the phrase 'dress to impress' I can't help but imagine getting all dressed up and having fun but I guess I'm in the wrong. So, that being said, I won't put it anywhere and let the invitations speak for itself. The venue though isn't much help to the guests only because I'm renting the space from a non profit art organization in Dumbo Brooklyn, New York and just from looking at the pictures, it isn't much. It's a black slate with lots of warehouse/loft appeal but we plan to really make it our own and dress it up.

I guess I'm a bit nervous because the FI's family is on the very informal-relaxed side and I have to learn that I can't control everything.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

retro_belle24 said:

I have to learn that I can't control everything.

This is the best thing that you can ever learn when it comes not only to your wedding but to life in general.

The only person you can really control is yourself. Just know that if people show up in jeans and a polo it is not going to ruin anything. You will still be married and you will still have a fabulous time.

Oh, and just to let you know we had a guest that showed up in jeans and I could not have cared less. Also, H's sister wore a fabulously hideous dress that whenever she bent over a smidge or put her arms up in the are the bottom of her ass would show. I thought it was hilarious, especially after she saw pictures from the day and she looked at her mom and said "why the hell did you let me wear that?!" So some of your guests may not be dressed how you want but just remember to laugh it off because it doesn't matter.

Wording for black tie

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