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Are online RSVPs rude?

fungrl97fungrl97 member
First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I kind of hate RSVP cards, not sure why, I just do.  So when I read in Miss Manners that RSVP cards aren't actually good etiquette I rejoiced.  I don't have to do them!  

Granted, I also don't think that everyone I send an invite to will know to reply in writing.  So, I thought that at the bottom left of the invite, where I will have RSVP and my parents address, I'll also put our wedding website so people can choose to either mail something in or go online to RSVP.

Then I just read that online RSVPs are rude.  Is this true?  


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Re: Are online RSVPs rude?

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    RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I don't think they're rude, per se. But there are still people in this world who don't use computers or the internet, so you'll need to provide an alternate way of RSVPing. I think response cards are more formal, though, so I'd base my use of them on how formal my event was.
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    phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    We're going to push as many people as possible to RSVP through our website, since there are entree options (which will be listed online so people know what they'd be eating). We'll see; we might include a phone RSVP for the conservative/older folks.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    mommapizanomommapizano member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I think you need to gauge your crowd. Mine was mostly older and not tech savvy so we stuck to RSVP cards. We had online RSVP as well but only 2 people used it. Like PP suggested maybe provide a phone option as well.
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    WonderRedWonderRed member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    So long as people told me they were coming or not, I didn't care. Send the card back, text, phone, in person, on line, whatever.  But I agree with giving them options.  At least with a card, if you include a stamped envelope, they have no excuse for not getting it done.
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    lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    It is not rude to have an online RSVP. If someone wanted to send you a formal letter back indicating their response they can always opt to do so instead.
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    AroundTheBlockAroundTheBlock member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    You may find yourself pleasantly surprised by how many people actually do know how to take a piece of letter-paper and write that they are pleased to accept the kind invitation of their hostess. Conveniently, the ones who have not been exposed to the idea of writing a personal note on their own paper, are probably the ones who are perfectly comfortable with email, computers and websites.

    Technically, yes, a person who receives a written invitation ought to reply in writing, and if you are feeling terribly judgmental, you might consider calling them "rude" if they use email or a website instead. But you are being quite thoughtful by providing them an option that spares them the burdensome cost of a stamp.
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    AroundTheBlockAroundTheBlock member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited November 2013
    .
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment

    Online RSVP's should fit the formality of your event. If you are having a backyard bbq, or something equally informal, then I say it's fine.  But, if your event is any more formal than that, you should spring for the RSVP card.  Even a postcard is fine, if you are trying to cut costs.

    Miss Manners only says an RSVP isn't necessary if your guests would be aware of old school, using their own stationary, styles of RSVPs. 

    People are much more likely to mark a post paid postcard than they are to take their invitation to their computer, find your website, and sit down and rsvp there or in an email.  People who use e-rsvps are usually the ones that have a make a ton of phone calls before the rsvp deadline to follow up with guests.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    I think they're just fine if your crowd is savvy enough to do so. I like them because I'm kind of a hippie deep down and hate wasting more paper than is really necessary when I know everyone we'll invite is on a computer at least once a day. 
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    jenniferursjenniferurs member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Wait, RSVP cards aren't in keeping with good etiquette?
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I just don't feel that online correspondence suits a wedding. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    fungrl97fungrl97 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    According to Miss Manners (I think from the Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior) Miss Manners says that the best etiquette is for guests to know that they should respond in kind - written invites, get a written reply, phoned invites get a phoned reply etc.  She claimed that by sending a reply card it's assuming that guests don't know the best etiquette - I think I heard someone once compare it to attaching a blank thank you card to a gift you're giving.

    Now of course, they're almost always done so they're respected by etiquette, but it doesn't follow the old style of etiquette.  I just wanted an excuse not to do them because I don't like them and always reply on my own stationary anyway.
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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    That's interesting about reply cards. I would not think that, as I've always seen reply cards for weddings, especially ones that ask for a meal choice option. 

    I think online RSVPs are fine, but I would give guests the option. We had RSVP cards with our invitations but also listed our wedding website where guests could also RSVP. The majority of our responses so far have been via the reply card. 
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    afaber24afaber24 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper

    I like the idea of the online reply option. I've been involved in a few weddings (cousins) where the bride and groom/parents of B & G had to make tons of calls to ask people to send the RSVP cards in.

    We're doing an online reply because I'd rather make the inevitable calls and just say "Are you coming? Which meal would you like? Okay great. Can't wait to see you/we'll miss you!" And then I'll enter the information into our spreadsheet myself. Instead of calling to say "Please send the card back" and then waiting until I get the card to know the answers. 

    I also kind of feel like I'm assigning someone an errand if I send an RSVP card that has to be taken to the post office/mailbox. Not that its any huge deal, but I almost never send anything in the mail, as I pay all my bills online.

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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    afaber24 said:

    I like the idea of the online reply option. I've been involved in a few weddings (cousins) where the bride and groom/parents of B & G had to make tons of calls to ask people to send the RSVP cards in.

    We're doing an online reply because I'd rather make the inevitable calls and just say "Are you coming? Which meal would you like? Okay great. Can't wait to see you/we'll miss you!" And then I'll enter the information into our spreadsheet myself. Instead of calling to say "Please send the card back" and then waiting until I get the card to know the answers. 

    I also kind of feel like I'm assigning someone an errand if I send an RSVP card that has to be taken to the post office/mailbox. Not that its any huge deal, but I almost never send anything in the mail, as I pay all my bills online.

    Why on earth would anyone call and ask the guest to return the card?  

    If the guest doesn't return the card, you call and ask whether they are coming and for meal selections.  An online RSVP option makes no effect on the call, except that you'll be making more of them.  
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    WedReMix13WedReMix13 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I requested online RSVP but no one actually did it. Well it took people forever to respond and then those that didnt RSVP bugged me they couldnt respond and those that did, some didnt show up anyway. 
    Married 11/12/05 ~ Renewed Our Vows 11/9/13. 

    "The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still."


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    afaber24afaber24 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper

    @MyNameIsNot

    That's true, I'm not sure why they called to ask for the cards to be returned. Maybe they needed to turn them into their venue or something.

    But if you do just make the call and get the info, now you're out the money for the RSVP card, envelope, and stamp. Not a big cost if its less than 10 cards, but if its 50+. Yikes! That's already $23 in stamps and $25 in cards & envelops. That won't be returned. I'd rather spend that money on the bar!

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