September 2014 Weddings

Feeling Stuck.....

HH2BeHH2Be member
100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited November 2013 in September 2014 Weddings
I feel like I have made good progress on the wedding planning to this point.  We have our venue (which includes the food/drinks & cake, we will meet with the baker in the Spring) our photographer, who we still need to meet with to go over things, but they said it is early, it can wait until the new year, we have our DJ, who again said we can meet in the new year and we have our officiant.  The last 2 vendors we need are the videographer and florist.  The save the dates are created & arrived on Friday, I'll be sending them out in the new year.  I've gone out dress shopping once, with another trip hopefully this week.  I've figured out the centerpieces & have ordered invitation samples.  

I'm just feeling stuck right now.  I don't know if it is because the vendors don't want to meet to discuss details until the new year or if that my FMIL is not being so cooperative with giving me or my bridal party information needed.  I have asked multiple times for a guest list, and have yet to receive anything.  I've found out from my girls that they have also tried to get information regarding numbers for my shower and she hasn't been forthcoming.  When I mentioned something to her, she made a comment that it was only October (which it was at the time) and there was still so much time.  I made a good faith estimate when ordering the save the dates.  I've been picking my FH's brain as to who he think his parents will invite.  The last time I was in contact with her, I asked for a list with addresses by Christmas, as I would be getting the save the dates ready to send while I am off from work.  (I'm a teacher)  To that request I got no response.  I guess her unwillingness to give information is leading to my frustration that I can't go on with what I want to do for the wedding.  I know it may be early, but that is how I operate.

Any suggestions?  Anyone else feeling stuck because we are still 10 months out from our wedding dates?  Have I really made good progress?  I've been using the checklist here on The Knot & have been able to get done most of what is suggested for Sept-Dec., even some things for Dec.-March.

Thanks in advance!
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Re: Feeling Stuck.....

  • It absolutely seems like you've made great progress with your planning; you have the big picture things nailed down so next year you can focus on the details. And I'm sorry that FMIL is dragging her heels a bit. Has your fiancé spoken to her about the importance of getting this information? If not, I think it might be good to go this route next. And if she doesn't get them to you by the holidays I would suggest letting her know that you're sending out the save the dates on X date and will be happy to send them to her folks once you get that info. Good luck with the rest of your plans!
  • It sounds like you have made great progress! Will you have many out of town guests? Because sending out the save the dates is more flexible with less out of town guests. I think you're totally on the right track for the time frame!
  • Just remember, just because someone doesn't get an STD doesn't mean they cannot be invited to the wedding. You can always send them an invitation 6-8 weeks out once you get to that point . I know this isn't the best way to look at it, but, if your FMIL is unwilling to give you a list, then really it is her fault and not yours. I think your FI should have a discussion with her and say "Look, we need the names and addresses by this date. If we do not get them then they will not receive a Save the Date." and just leave it at that. Unless your FMIL is contributing financially to the wedding then I would not worry too much.

     

    I think a lot of vendors are unwilling to discuss plans so early out is because so much can change in the next 10 months. Especially with a DJ, new songs come out and you might have a list of songs you "must play" and then a list of "do not play" songs that can change 100 times by the time September comes around.

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  • Thanks ladies for your feedback.  To this point my FI has not spoken to her, however I think as the time is coming closer to me wanting to send the STD, I need to express to him the importance of getting the list from his mom.  It will be a great time to get names and addresses, as I know she'll be doing her holiday cards.  I just don't want her unwillingness to cooperate to drag me down, but I'm in control of how I feel, so I can't let her bring me down.
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  • I hope you have better luck than me. My FMIL refuses to get the addresses of the people on her guest list. She'll get 1 every two weeks or more. My mom had no problem getting her addresses to me so I don't know what her problem is. She claims she doesn't have phone numbers for these people on her list...uhh okay?! Maybe they shouldn't be on your list?

    I got tired of waiting so I sent out all my STDs and my FI's as well. If she doesn't get the rest of the addresses by the time we're getting invitations ready, her guests simply won't be getting invited. FI or I shouldn't have to round up addresses from people we don't even know.

    Don't let her ruin your fun. FI and I have had a lot of fun planning our wedding and the only stress is her, so we don't involve her in anything and talk to her rarely because of it.

     

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