Do members of the wedding party receive actual invites to the wedding?

miisspanda · November 2013

I have not told my wedding party that they are in the wedding party yet. I want to get them gifts and surprise them but I know that the wedding party usually helps out the bride and groom sometimes with stuff for the wedding. So do they actually receive invites to the wedding even though they pretty much know everything that is going on in the wedding?

AddieCake · November 2013

Yes. Anyone you're inviting to the wedding should receive an invitation.

southernbelle0915 · November 2013

Yes. Mail them out like do everyone else's. They're still guests - just guests of honor.

miisspanda · November 2013

Oh I know. My mom, fiance, sister and I are going to be doing most of work for the wedding. If I need my bridesmaids, I'll just let them know for like little stuff. I know that people are busy and are not gonna be able to help me with every little thing lol

mysticl · November 2013

Even if members of the wedding party do help with wedding stuff they may never have been told the basic details, like the address. The invitation provides this information to them.

lovesclimbing · November 2013

Yes, they get an invitation.

photokitty · November 2013

bubbles053009 said:

@miisspanda I believe you misread. You do not "let them know" what you need help with. They are to offer to help you if they feel you may need it. You don't ask your wedding party to help you with anything as it is not required of them. All that is required is to show up dressed and somewhat sober to your wedding. Same goes for everyone else that you listed.

Not necessarily. If her mom is the host she will have duties, although the bride does not necessarily assign them. We don't know enough about the wedding to determine if mom only has to show up dressed and somewhat sober. And her FI would absolutely be required to do more than just show up dressed and somewhat sober for his own wedding. Sister should offer to help, not be told - you were correct about that one.

Blue_Bird · November 2013

Yes, contrary to popular belief, the wedding party are actually special honored guests, not unpaid employees. They may help out with wedding tasks, or they may not. It isn't their responsibility to do so.

photokitty · November 2013

bubbles053009 said:

photokitty said:

bubbles053009 said:

@miisspanda I believe you misread. You do not "let them know" what you need help with. They are to offer to help you if they feel you may need it. You don't ask your wedding party to help you with anything as it is not required of them. All that is required is to show up dressed and somewhat sober to your wedding. Same goes for everyone else that you listed.

Not necessarily. If her mom is the host she will have duties, although the bride does not necessarily assign them. We don't know enough about the wedding to determine if mom only has to show up dressed and somewhat sober. And her FI would absolutely be required to do more than just show up dressed and somewhat sober for his own wedding. Sister should offer to help, not be told - you were correct about that one.

My apologies. I've read so much on this site about how people are told to help and we tell them no, they should offer to help. That's where I was getting at there, I guess. Yes her FI should help out though sometimes that's not the case. Either way, I do apologize for saying that.

I know that's why you said it. People tend to regurgitate what they read without thinking (no offense, promise) and it turns into a game of telephone where etiquette is not applied properly.

I'm not trying to call you out personally, just get the correct info out there

phira · November 2013

Wedding party = guests of honor. All guests get invitations. If your parents aren't hosting the wedding, they receive invitations, too.

doeydo · November 2013

miisspanda said:

Oh I know. My mom, fiance, sister and I are going to be doing most of work for the wedding. If I need my bridesmaids, I'll just let them know for like little stuff. I know that people are busy and are not gonna be able to help me with every little thing lol

You and your FI and whoever is hosting the wedding should be the only ones doing the "work" for the wedding. If anyone volunteers, that is great. But even asking for "help" is putting pressure on them and rude, IMO. If you want more 'help', hire a wedding planner or a DOC.

Inkdancer · November 2013

Having been on the other side of this situation: when I didn't receive a Save the Date or invitation when I was a bridesmaid, I was very frustrated! Everyone involved in the wedding should get a piece of paper that says the date, time, and location of the wedding so that they can know where to be and when.

phira · November 2013

Inkdancer said:

Having been on the other side of this situation: when I didn't receive a Save the Date or invitation when I was a bridesmaid, I was very frustrated! Everyone involved in the wedding should get a piece of paper that says the date, time, and location of the wedding so that they can know where to be and when.

YES exactly. My partner's brother got married last year and while he and his now wife told everyone the day and location, they didn't give anyone a time frame. My partner was one of the best men and didn't know when he was supposed to be there. It was unbelievably stressful.

Jen4948 · November 2013

Yes. Everyone invited, and that would include immediate family members, wedding party members, and the officiant, should receive invitations.

Couggal12 · November 2013

I didn't get an invite when I was a MOH in my friend's wedding. Sure I could ask her all the details but, just kinda felt weird that I helped her pick them out and also volunteered to help address/stamp them and yet did not get one.

hoffse · November 2013

Inkdancer said:

Having been on the other side of this situation: when I didn't receive a Save the Date or invitation when I was a bridesmaid, I was very frustrated! Everyone involved in the wedding should get a piece of paper that says the date, time, and location of the wedding so that they can know where to be and when.

Save the dates are not required. They're relatively new and frankly, they're completely unnecessary for local guests (for whom 6-8 weeks is perfectly sufficient notice) or VIPs who should already know the date. Many of the older ladies in my mother's circle actually find save the dates rude because they view the save the dates as AWish.

Invitations are, however, required for every guest.

And OP, your mother and your sister are not your servants.

huskypuppy14 · November 2013

miisspanda said:

I have not told my wedding party that they are in the wedding party yet. I want to get them gifts and surprise them but I know that the wedding party usually helps out the bride and groom sometimes with stuff for the wedding. So do they actually receive invites to the wedding even though they pretty much know everything that is going on in the wedding?

You do not tell people they are in your wedding; you ask them. They have every right to decline. Hopefully you probably know that your friends will say yes, but just in case, it's good to remember.

Also, I keep every invitation to every wedding, as does my FI. But he doesn't have one from his brother's wedding, because he didn't receive one, which is kind of a bummer.

So yes, give all of your guests invitations, wedding party, parents, etc.

[Deleted User] · November 2013

Yes, then they have the specifics on the date, times & locations & if they have a +1 they can share the information easily with them. Also they know who they can bring in regards to date/kids. Also some people (especially parents) may want to keep their invite as a momento.

mrsbizzz · November 2013

laurynm84 said:

miisspanda said:

I have not told my wedding party that they are in the wedding party yet. I want to get them gifts and surprise them but I know that the wedding party usually helps out the bride and groom sometimes with stuff for the wedding. So do they actually receive invites to the wedding even though they pretty much know everything that is going on in the wedding?

You do not tell people they are in your wedding; you ask them. They have every right to decline. Hopefully you probably know that your friends will say yes, but just in case, it's good to remember.

Also, I keep every invitation to every wedding, as does my FI. But he doesn't have one from his brother's wedding, because he didn't receive one, which is kind of a bummer.
So yes, give all of your guests invitations, wedding party, parents, etc.

YES...you ask, you do not tell.

Inkdancer · November 2013

hoffse said:

Inkdancer said:

Having been on the other side of this situation: when I didn't receive a Save the Date or invitation when I was a bridesmaid, I was very frustrated! Everyone involved in the wedding should get a piece of paper that says the date, time, and location of the wedding so that they can know where to be and when.

Save the dates are not required. They're relatively new and frankly, they're completely unnecessary for local guests (for whom 6-8 weeks is perfectly sufficient notice) or VIPs who should already know the date. Many of the older ladies in my mother's circle actually find save the dates rude because they view the save the dates as AWish.

Invitations are, however, required for every guest.

And OP, your mother and your sister are not your servants.

I agree that they are not required, but it sure would have been nice to get at least one thing with wedding details on it!

phira · November 2013

Save the dates aren't required, but if you're doing save the dates, you should send them to members of the wedding party.

Again, your wedding party members are still your guests. Be a good host--treat them liked honored guests.

LindsayP101 · November 2013

I agree - mail your wedding party invites (some may want to keep them). I mailed out invites to my wedding party...but had a brain fart and misaddressed my MOH's invite...I ended up hand delivering it to her a couple weeks before the wedding - but she worked it into her speech saying that she nearly didn't make it there because I "conveniently" got the invite lost in the mail and she wasn't sure if that was my way of letting her know she wasn't invited anymore. We all had a good laugh (and she obviously knew she was invited). But yes...invite them like any other guest.

jpfaff92 · November 2013

I'm so glad I read this! I wasn't sure how brides typically handled inviting the wedding party and was just going to give them details verbally. Good thing I didn't make that mistake!

huskypuppy14 · November 2013

phira said:

Save the dates aren't required, but if you're doing save the dates, you should send them to members of the wedding party.

Again, your wedding party members are still your guests. Be a good host--treat them liked honored guests.

Yes exactly. They are honored guests, not slaves!

Kauris · December 2013

I didn't realize the officiant should receive one. Are there any others that may not seem obvious? I want to make sure we don't miss anyone. Thanks in advance!

thejucheidea · December 2013

kasmith1 said:

I didn't realize the officiant should receive one. Are there any others that may not seem obvious? I want to make sure we don't miss anyone. Thanks in advance!

Anyone who we expected would come got an invitation: family, wedding party, officiant. The only people directly involved with the wedding who didn't get invitations were the photographer and organist.

kgd7357 · December 2013

I would also send wedding party STDs if they have website info on them. It'll help them out to know that info earlier. It also let's other members in the household or SOs remember to STD if they aren't in the wedding party also.

Do members of the wedding party receive actual invites to the wedding?

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