40-Plus Brides

I Thought Planning Would Get Easier

I have been stressed out over wedding planning. I am an over 40 bride planning my wedding out of state. My fiancé and my family live in the city in which we are getting married. I have been doing everything online or traveling to my hometown to meet with photographers, select venue, etc. When I told her what type of wedding I wanted when I first got engaged, she critiqued everything that I said. I then just planned on my own. However, my parents recently gave me money towards the wedding. 

My mother was not speaking to me a few weeks ago because I said that I wanted to be in charge of the wedding planning. This does not mean I didn't want her help. When we did start speaking, she told me that she will not be attending my wedding since I was doing the planning. I thought that she would get over it, but she hasn't. She asked me not to send invitations to her friends, since she was not in charge of the planning. I did anyway thinking she would see that I am sorry for everything. My mother was furious and said that she was "through" with me. 

I have tried to talk to her, but they won't take my apologies. Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do?

Re: I Thought Planning Would Get Easier

  • I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. It's not fair for her to want to plan the whole event, after all. it is your wedding. To offer to check out venues, vendors, etc for you and to provide you with the info she found, is one thing, but to actually say what your flowers, food, etc would be, without your approval, isn't right.

    I hope she surprises you and shows up. Try to keep talking to her, even if she ignores you. In the end, I'm hoping she puts her attitude aside and doesn't miss out on a beautiful day in your life. Keep planning your wedding, send her the details & invite. Hopefully she'll come to her senses.

  • Sorry that you have to go through this drama. Hopefully your mother will understand how much this planning means to you and will get back on track and help you where you need it, and stand by you as you make your choices. 
  • So sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what you are going thru.  Try sending her a letter, since talking might get very emotional.  Tell her how you feel, and this is your wedding, her opinion is valued, but you  & your FI are the ultimate decision makers, include invitations for her friends and her & leave it up to her to send them out.   I wish you the best of luck.
  • I'm so sorry to hear this.  It sounds like this is much bigger than a wedding. 
  • Im so sorry that this is happening. Agreed write a letter it may help. I hope everything gets back to normal and back to it being about u and ur fiancee. Best wishes
  • In times of change people act weird. Weddings, deaths can bring out the best or the worst in people. Large events are laden with meaning for people. Maybe do something fun but non wedding related with your mom. Don't talk about the wedding, talk about everything else. Good luck!
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