Neither of my parents will be attending my wedding

Re: Neither of my parents will be attending my wedding

• Simply Fated member

  

  July 2013

  cdegrella said:

  I cried my eyes out today over this so I am just writing this to get it off my chest.  It's understandable that my father cannot make it due to medical issues, but I cannot help but still feel sad that he will not be there to walk me down the aisle.  It's what every bride dreams.  My mother will not be coming due to simple pettiness on her part.  There will be family members she does not talk to at the wedding and has stated that it would be uncomfortable for her to be there if they are going to be there.

  I am devastated and am slowly beginning to wonder if it is even worth it to have the wedding at all   Any advice to bolster my spirits?

  When you wonder whether or not it's worth having the wedding at all, do you mean you're reconsidering marrying your fiance or do you just mean having the big ole reception?
  Because, honestly, I have no idea what kind of illness your dad has, but I'd pack up my fiance, grab his parents, and head over to your dad with an officiant of some sorts and get married right then and there.
  

  
  

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• cdegrella member

  

  July 2013

  Sorry this is so long.  Writing this all down is like therapy. haha

  This whole big 200+ wedding is mostly for my FMIL.  My FI's family is Filipino and their religion is a VERY big deal for them.  She wants her son to be married in the church that he grew up attending.  98% of the guests will be from their side.  They have a big BIG family.  I will have 9 (maybe) from my family, and that's really pushing.  Two of my sister's will be my Bridesmaids so they HAVE to be there. haha

  His mom did say she wanted to meet my family before the wedding.  Maybe we can do some small party for him so he feels included? And maybe I can call him sometime during the big day.  Just to be able to talk to him will make me feel slightly better I guess.

  As far as my mother, she is very manipulative.  She has been my whole life.  Whenever my dad and I did anything together, she would cry and yell that I didn't love her anymore. When my parents divorced it only became worse.  She would constantly use us against him.

  She stopped talking to my oldest sister 10 years ago and my brother maybe 3 years ago.  She's adamant that she will not attend if they will be there.  The truth is, I would want them to be there more than her.  When I called my mom when I got engaged, she didn't answer so I left a message.  It took her a week to call me back and I haven't really heard from her since. She never calls me and when I do call her, it's only for a few minutes and then she has to go, 'her show is on.' When I called my older sister she freaked out and we had an hour long conversation. And she has been calling and emailing me constantly with ideas and questions and just all around amazing support. 

  I just hate having to choose between my mother and sister.  This will be one of the most important days of my life and my mother can't be a grown up for once.  This is slowly sucking out all the enthusiasm I had about the wedding. 

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• MandiMija member

  

  July 2013

  I´m sorry to hear that your mother is being a bit (okay, a major) jerk.  Call her bluff and move on. If she refuses to show up to her own daughter´s wedding, *she( will end up looking like a tool, and it will be *her* loss  She may be your mother, but do you really want her there if she's going to go drama-llama and make the day about herself?

  
  

  As for your dad, I had an idea that may make things a bit easier.  Last summer, my BFF got married.  Her now-DH's mother was homebound, so they set up a laptop at the back of the room and let her watch via Skype.  They later visited after the ceremony but before the honeymoon. Everyone still missed his mother, and it didn't replace her actually being there, but she actually got to see the wedding and share in the day in a way that was more than watching a video after the fact.  ::shrugs:: Just food for thought.

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• zitiqueen member

  

  July 2013

  cdegrella said:

  Sorry this is so long.  Writing this all down is like therapy. haha

  This whole big 200+ wedding is mostly for my FMIL.  My FI's family is Filipino and their religion is a VERY big deal for them.  She wants her son to be married in the church that he grew up attending.  98% of the guests will be from their side.  They have a big BIG family.  I will have 9 (maybe) from my family, and that's really pushing.  Two of my sister's will be my Bridesmaids so they HAVE to be there. haha

  His mom did say she wanted to meet my family before the wedding.  Maybe we can do some small party for him so he feels included? And maybe I can call him sometime during the big day.  Just to be able to talk to him will make me feel slightly better I guess.

  As far as my mother, she is very manipulative.  She has been my whole life.  Whenever my dad and I did anything together, she would cry and yell that I didn't love her anymore. When my parents divorced it only became worse.  She would constantly use us against him.

  She stopped talking to my oldest sister 10 years ago and my brother maybe 3 years ago.  She's adamant that she will not attend if they will be there.  The truth is, I would want them to be there more than her.  When I called my mom when I got engaged, she didn't answer so I left a message.  It took her a week to call me back and I haven't really heard from her since. She never calls me and when I do call her, it's only for a few minutes and then she has to go, 'her show is on.' When I called my older sister she freaked out and we had an hour long conversation. And she has been calling and emailing me constantly with ideas and questions and just all around amazing support. 

  I just hate having to choose between my mother and sister.  This will be one of the most important days of my life and my mother can't be a grown up for once.  This is slowly sucking out all the enthusiasm I had about the wedding. 

  You aren't the one choosing; your mother is. I agree with everybody else, invite both of them. If mom doesn't show up, she'll look like the jerk, not you.
  

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• Kbastis member

  

  November 2013

  Yes, go ahead with your plans. Call your dad. Your mom will come or not. I hope she comes, and behaves! Good luck.

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• Anaelsea member

  

  November 2013

  Its her loss, youve got to steel yourself up for this, youre getting married to have your own family, right? Your own family- new. Definitely go to your dads house, put your dress on, and get a picture of you and your dad together if you can for your album. He'll want to see you in person in the dress. If your mom wont come then mail her a photo album afterwards. Thats it. 

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• princessleia22 member

  

  November 2013

  I love the Skype idea for your father that MandiMija suggested.  I've heard of that before and think its a great way to include those important people that physically can't make it.  Some wedding venues I looked at are actually starting to set up for this where they can live stream the wedding online for out of town guests that couldn't attend.  I think it would be a great idea to visit with your dad that day, maybe even before the wedding if possible so he can get the first look of you in your dress. If skyping isn't possible, at least video tape it and maybe watch it with him later that day or the following day.

  
  

  As far as your mom, like others have said, they are making their own choices.  Invite who you want to invite and they will decide how petty and childish they want to be. I would talk to your mom and tell her how important it is for her to be there, especially since your dad can't be there and it breaks your heart to think that neither of your parents will be there for your wedding.  And ask if she can suck up her childish problems for one day to make you happy.  It sounds like she has a jealous streak and some self esteem issues, too.  Maybe find a way to include her into the wedding more, and she may be more open to coming, regardless of who else is there.  Since your dad can't come, maybe consider having your mom walk you down the aisle instead. It may make her feel more included in your big day. Just an idea.

   

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